Originally Posted by Serrana

Just a simple little love song I wrote a while ago. Any critique appreciated. Forgive the simple rhyming scheme, I write my songs to music and I find that this fits best to the song.

You wake up as an angel tugs at your sleeve (11)
You've never had faith in a woman but she makes you believe (15)
The air, your lungs, she said, the trees (8)
Bring about the world from the damned to the free (11)

I can't sing it in my head, the syllable count between the lines is very different. This applies throughout. Having said that, I like the concept, especially the first 2 lines.

With her voice like a morning dove
And the dawn in her hair
When she flies up to the heavens at night
The stars stop to stare

Apart from the rhythm there's nothing I would change about this verse, it's really beautiful.

You rise up and step outside
And breath in the morning air
Your hands find their way above your head
And you can't remember if you ever had a care (awkward)

You're right about the fourth line but I assume your sorting that. The verb to breathe has an 'e' on the end.

Johanna is back to sleep in the bed
And a smile has crept onto her face
Her hair runs wild down her body
To the sash of flowers at her waist

Again, very little to change in this one, it works well

Her heart as raw as a stallion
But her love as rewarding as the sun
Peace and love fill the melody
Of every song she's sung

I would put something like 'wild' instead of 'raw' because 'raw as a stallion' sounds a little odd to me. I would also leave out the 'but' in the second line, a connective at the start of a line sounds a little awkward. The last two lines fit nicely, maybe put 'ever' between 'she's' and 'sung'. Depends on how your melody goes.

Her eyes are soft like the blanket of night
But they pierce through your soul
Her skin you touch with every love
That you knew was not as bold

Again with the 'but' thing, up to you but I would give it a miss. Not too sure about the last two lines, they don't make sense to me but I suppose they don't have to :P

In an instant she knows your dreams
And with a word she makes them come true
The moment she leaves you know
It's a moment that's come too soon

Loved the last 2 lines, a pretty much perfect ending sentiment. First two lines are okay too.