|06-22-2007, 06:42 AM||#1|
pronounced new-ee girl...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Small Town Near Eugene, OR
Deception doesn't fall far from its tree
Behind all the smiles, it's virus it leaves
The children fall victim, as do the parents
An almost inevitable trait to inherit
A picturesque time when all come together
But will the deception continue, lasting forever?
In spite of the pain, a pact has been formed
To find common ground in the eye of the storm
With that which I know
I fall free of the mold
Releasing the flame
The flame that I hold
I take back my words
And what I was told
Why can't I just be bold?
What goes on behind the closed doors,
Or even apparent, the niave mind ignores
Steady signs of growing tension
Nothing adds up to common convention
Scratching the surface would hardly uncover
The truth that begs for someone to discover
Impossibility speaks nearly to loud
And ever more remains the facade; deceitful cloud
Comments, constructive criticism, and other such productive advice welcome.
|06-22-2007, 06:54 AM||#2|
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Hartlepool, UK
overall its good i like it, but...
"why can't I just be bold?" this line seems somewhat unnecessary and kinda week.
and also "Impossibility speaks nearly too loud"
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