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Old 01-13-2008, 09:44 PM   #1
SilentDeftone
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The ONLY Relationship Thread

This is the Only Relationship Thread. Given that this is a perpetually recreated sticky, it has a few rules.
  • Do not spam. This is fairly self-explanatory, and is a sitewide rule anyway. This includes posting in a blog-like manner. If you have a problem, ask a question. Posts must be on-topic.
  • Do not be an asshole. Again, relatively self-explanatory. Even if you disagree with someone's post, be respectful. If you wish to discuss a point make sure you do it in a mature manner. Name-calling is not productive. This is not a thread for personal vendettas.
  • Post detailed information. When you have a situation, post as much detailed information as possible. Be sure to use paragraphs as to avoid a wall of text. The more details you provide, the better advice other users can give.
  • Sex questions go in the Sex Thread. Here is a link: http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/sh...ad.php?t=543236
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Old 01-13-2008, 09:44 PM   #2
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Now, nobody is the end-all be-all of knowledge on relationships. However, there are a few things that the participants in this thread know. I admit that the following will reflect my personal views, and you are of course entitled to your own.

Frequently Asked Questions:
  1. I like a girl. What do I do?
    The first thing to do is to establish some sort of rapport. Cold approaches sometimes work, but your chances are much higher if you create attraction before asking her on a date.

    Once establishing an initial rapport, you ask her on a date, and/or for her phone number. The initial rapport does not have to take days on end. It can be as little as a few minutes.

    It is most effective to communicate in person. I know texting and instant messaging seem like convenient, brilliant forms of communication, but for dating they are terrible.

    Do not tell her you like her.

  2. I don't like my girlfriend anymore. Help?
    If you don't like your girlfriend anymore, you should break up with her. It is not fair to either of you to perpetuate a false relationship.

  3. I'm friends with my ex and it's causing problems!
    Responses generally vary on this, but I don't think being friends with an ex is a good idea. You can be polite and civil without being friends.

  4. My girlfriend wants to take a break.
    No, she doesn't. She just dumped you. If she truly wanted to be with you, she would!

  5. Am I in the friendzone?
    The friendzone is a term to describe when a member of the opposite sex (or same sex if you're a homosexual, I suppose) views you as "just a friend." There is little chance you will ever be in a sexual relationship with someone who has put you in the friendzone.

    To avoid the friendzone, you must express yourself as a sexual being.

  6. How do I get over my ex?
    I believe that cutting contact is the most effective way to get over an ex. Focus on something else, whether it be meeting new girls, a hobby, whatever helps you. Pretending to be friends will only prolong your feelings.

Furthermore, there are plenty of other resources about the topic of attracting women. One that I have encountered is The Book Of Pook:

It is a compilation of the ideas of a poster on another forum. There are quite a few worthwhile ideas.

Any amends, other successful viewpoints, etc. are open to discussion for addition to this post.

-SilentDeftone
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Old 01-13-2008, 09:47 PM   #3
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good job, and i can understand, but if it's well thought out and executed I think you can make her happy, unless she's a total bitch, which it doesn't sound like.

hmmm, i recently found out she took a vacation and I haven't asked her about that or...how her break was, I want to start it with a topic that can lead to other ideas and keep it interesting, hmmm, im think of how i can lead it to the #, it will flow naturally, but im gonna plan it out a little more than on a whim, else i might get too nervous or something...haha


EDIT: cool first post baby! epic thread.

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Old 01-13-2008, 09:52 PM   #4
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*Lines up for the relationship trouble help militia*

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Old 01-13-2008, 09:58 PM   #5
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dont plan things too much at the moment of truth you will get nervous and your plan will go to hell plus you might end up talking to much or making an ass of yourslef, thats why its better improvise and be cool if you keep things cool and you're confident no matter what the result may be you will still leave a good impression in her
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Old 01-13-2008, 09:59 PM   #6
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alright, i got some problems with this girl

we were a couple for a while, for only about a month and a half, and one night, after a date she told me she didn't really know how much longer she'd be able to date me. since she was getting busy with college stuff and field hockey (she's a senior and i'm only a sophomore. dunno if that means anything special). she didn't want to get too busy and have it end badly. she was also scared of really liking me, apparently. i think she might have some attachment issues, but i'm not sure. i think she's kinda running away because she's scared, based on things that have happened since.

after about a month of not really talking, she called me one night and apologized for being so unreasonable and didn't want to make me feel bad or make me not like her or anything like that. i think she mainly called me was because she had done some things to upset me and she finally realized that.

the next day, one of her best friends, (also one of my friends) talked to me and told them that the two ended up making out when they were hanging out one night about a week ago. he told me it was a mistake and all that kind of stuff. but he also told me that while she was mad at him, she was more mad at herself. he said that she felt like she was 'cheating on me' somehow.

do you think that means anything? should i try and talk to her about it?
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:00 PM   #7
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what do i do about a girl im completely in love with that lives a thousand miles away? the feeling is mutual and we talk all the time... but im afraid to strain how great we are right now by asking her to be in an official long distance relationship.... HELP ME! (oh yeah... i actually do know her. she used to live in az and go to my school but then she moved to texas. not some random myspace thing.)
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:00 PM   #8
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Autechre: Why aren't you asking her about her vacation? it will get her to talk about herself and you can find out her interests to make it easier for you, and don't plan any little monologue to get the number as there are a thousand different possibilities for the conversation path, so if you try and work to one specific one it will seem forced, so just slip it in somewhere.

Tudiosgriego: Why not play her a song? wether its one you made yourself or one she likes, i'm sure she would appreciate that, and get her something sentimental as well maybe, and the dinner idea is good too as material things come and go but a good memory will last forever (unless you get alzheimers).

EDIT: to the guy above, sorry i forgot your name, it seems to me as if she still have an attatchment to you but it can't happen because as she said, shes busy with all her stuff, she went to you after a month of not talking and now feels as though she can't do anything with anyone else, so either she still feels for you or she didn't want to complicate things with her friend.
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:00 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilentDeftone
Maybe you'll ask her out sooner next time.

And you really don't mind being just friends? That's like settling for second place (or 3rd, 4th… who knows how low?).

-SD


I Like spending time with her so i guess its better than nothing.

And nice Anaolgy(or metaphor or whatever, i forget English class)
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:02 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whosamerica
what do i do about a girl im completely in love with that lives a thousand miles away? the feeling is mutual and we talk all the time... but im afraid to strain how great we are right now by asking her to be in an official long distance relationship.... HELP ME! (oh yeah... i actually do know her. she used to live in az and go to my school but then she moved to texas. not some random myspace thing.)

Honestly I'd just find someone closer. Move on.

-SD
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:02 PM   #11
Våd Hamster
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whosamerica
what do i do about a girl im completely in love with that lives a thousand miles away? the feeling is mutual and we talk all the time... but im afraid to strain how great we are right now by asking her to be in an official long distance relationship.... HELP ME! (oh yeah... i actually do know her. she used to live in az and go to my school but then she moved to texas. not some random myspace thing.)



how old are the both of you?
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:03 PM   #12
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lolz at nubs who don't know who silentdeftone is/was

and i never noticed that book i'm gonna check it out for sure... i r fail with the ladies
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:05 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TimEastonRules
do you think that means anything? should i try and talk to her about it?

No. Just leave her alone. You're broken up, her emotions are her own problems. If she wanted to be with you, she shouldn't have dumped you.

-SD
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:06 PM   #14
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If one of my best friends has a gf who has a thing for me, would it be bad to do stuff with her?
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:07 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by donender
Tudiosgriego: Why not play her a song? wether its one you made yourself or one she likes, i'm sure she would appreciate that, and get her something sentimental as well maybe, and the dinner idea is good too as material things come and go but a good memory will last forever (unless you get alzheimers).


and then it all goes to hell lol. any way yeah i will go with the dinner and i wrote her a letter last week i will also give it to her. The playing her a song thing is a good idea but as being a bass player and not having an idea of how to play the song on guitar it would be a problem but i may try it and see what happens
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:07 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seek_&_destroy
lolz at nubs who don't know who silentdeftone is/was

and i never noticed that book i'm gonna check it out for sure... i r fail with the ladies

I'm only about 2/3 of the way through it. Some of it I disagree with but his perspective is wonderfully refreshing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by incarnation
If one of my best friends has a gf who has a thing for me, would it be bad to do stuff with her?

Yes. Bros before hoes. If she makes a move on you you should tell your friend.

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Old 01-13-2008, 10:09 PM   #17
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how old are the both of you?


im 17, shes 16. we've known each other for 3 years.
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:09 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by tudiosgriego
and then it all goes to hell lol. any way yeah i will go with the dinner and i wrote her a letter last week i will also give it to her. The playing her a song thing is a good idea but as being a bass player and not having an idea of how to play the song on guitar it would be a problem but i may try it and see what happens

Ah right, well i guess you could make a slap funk oddysee and dedicate it to her , unless you aren't really into that kind of thing, then you are kinda stuck.
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:11 PM   #19
Våd Hamster
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whosamerica
im 17, shes 16. we've known each other for 3 years.



Drive to get to her?

But i strongly advice against LD relationships....

It won't work, especially in that age.....
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:15 PM   #20
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Mkay, so here's my situation:

I have a best friend who I like a lot. I can't tell if she likes me, but we hang out basically every other day and do EVERYTHING together. And we flirt, or at least do things that most guys would consider flirting... pillow fights, poking, shoving (in a friendly way)... and to make things more complicated, she has a boyfriend. They are a terrible couple and she is well aware of it, but they have been together for almost 6 years and she's got the whole "nobody could replace him" attitude. She knows I like her. Last time I checked, she was in the whole "I like you too but we are such awesome friends I don't want to **** that up" phase, which I completely agree with... but still.

Then there's the other girl. We have history... oh boy do we have history. She's totally into me... problem is, she's an idiot. Not in the academic sense. She could make straight As in honors classes if she wanted to. But she just lacks common sense a lot of the time, and it really gets on my nerves. She's also the "call every two seconds" type. But nonetheless, I'm quite attracted to her... not as much as the first girl, but enough to go through (yet another) relationship with her.

But, YET ANOTHER COMPLICATION. The first girl has known the second girl longer than I have, and I've known them both for pretty damn long. She thinks that the second girl would use the crap out of me. Which I could see happening... but... gah.

So, to sum it up: first girl = amazing person, very attractive, incredibly smart, we have EVERYTHING in common, in my eyes we would make a perfect couple... yet she is virtually inaccessible unless I do something drastic.

Second girl = one of the hottest chicks I've ever seen, definitely into me, I could have her in an instant... yet she's a social ****** and emotionally unstable.

So... can anyone tell me what the best thing to do here is?
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