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Old 10-03-2008, 02:28 AM   #1
MarbleClear
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Join Date: May 2008
Alliteration! Worthy Foe...

I'm so sick of alliteration
Because it's taking up my time
Just studying every word
Every letter, every line
To see if there's a pattern
In the nonsense I jot down
Something deeper than the meaning
Brought on by a pleasant sound

They call me crazy...

Well I haven't slept in days
And something seems off
My mind must be a maze
Because I get lost in my own thoughts
Staring at the ceiling
As though it were the void
Is it too much to ask
For me to stop being so annoyed

I think I've ascended
To a whole other level
From where I once was
Pale and disheveled
I'd call myself enlightened
If I thought it was enough
But as it stands there's nothing
To describe what I've become


Made this in ten minutes, don't care how good it is because I like it. Could add a chorus and another verse or bridge, but w/e. C4C
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Old 10-03-2008, 02:36 AM   #2
breaknahabit
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change the name to "irony"

i kinda like it.
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Old 10-03-2008, 02:59 AM   #3
kdownes
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i love it for what it is, pure and simple. Yeah, its nothing incredible, but the irony and humour behind the lines are very pleasant. I would suggest maybe another chorus and verse. but thats just me. I wanna see more! link in my sig (Nighttime)
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Old 10-03-2008, 05:14 AM   #4
Ninjamonkey767
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Stanza one flowed very well, and had great word selection. Stanza two did not, and approached the same concept with pale, cliched diction. Stanza three had an awkward word selection, but was far more interesting in word choice.

As a whole, the piece started off interesting, and was pretty good about keeping my interest, though the middle stanza threw it off. In the end, it's a fun read, and semi-relatable.
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