|10-01-2008, 02:10 AM||#1|
Join Date: Sep 2008
ok, so this is the first lyric I've written therefore the first time I post here, please help me better myself . I play drums in a punk/metal band, and we're starting to get kind of seriouce, and since our vocal/bass player aint that good at writing lyrics, I gave it a try. I want to excuse if my english is abit off, I'm not English u see
Lying there in a puddle of mud and water, looking at them like they were Satan's spawn.
This war is way to real, pinched my shoulder a million times in hopes of waking up.
I'm not, I'm never waking up, this is as real as it gets. we are fighting for our lives.
watching my squad die one for one, just praying the next one will be me.
please god, put me out of my misery!
hypocrisy at its worst, they say "go out there and be men", when they're not even men
enough to join us out there. we're in watery graves soaked with our fallen comrades blood,
while they sit in their offices drinking tea.
He's eyes were red as blood, slowly he fell to the ground, screaming.
Looking at a dead fellow being my mind starts to wander, is this the way to solve conflict?
Or is it just a way to show the world that we're powerful? the questions kept on going,
did I do this man wrong? I just took the life of man I don't know, I don't know if he was evil,
maybe he was just like me, another tool for the government to fool around with. I cant bear the
feeling within me, it's like a weight dragging me down! I just hope salvation will come.
Salvation please come.
The nightmares, they're the worst. It's like a picture of him tattooed to my eyelids.
insanity has finally come.
whispering in my ears "murderer, murderer,murderer,murderer"
No longer will I feel the way I do, this has gone on long enough, it's my last resort.
the bible says "an eye for an eye" well I say "a soul for a soul" Goodbye.
|10-02-2008, 10:32 AM||#3|
Axl Williamovich Rosenov
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cleveland, Ohio (Originally from St. Petersburg, Russia)
This is a good outline for what could be a great song. It's nowhere near completion and like I said a few times before, is too damn wordy. Cut down every word you don't need without cutting down the message of the song. You should show this to your bandmates and you should be able to work something out together. Focus on a rhyme scheme that makes the song flow. Well, rhyming isn't absolutely nessessary, but it helps. At least break it down so it has rhythm.
Hope this helps. Good luck and keep writing!