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Old 11-09-2008, 04:20 PM   #1
Tomosaurus
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wanna tell me which way to the nearest armoury base is???

Below is a script for a short film a "friend" sent me.
He's 18 years old, takes Drama, Media Studies AND Film Studies, which makes this script even more lulzworthy.

This is the first scene. It actually makes me rofl to think this is serious and apparently this scene took 4 hours to write. AMAZING.

Quote:

Blood shed
Act 1


Intro

(Voice of soldier)
Ever wandered what the meaning of life is?....its simple “survival” thats life’s code my code and it all sounds great until the day you find yourself confronted with a decision a decision to make a difference or to just run away and save your skin! I learnt something that day. Shame is was the day I died…….


Scene 1

Ext. woods, day
In a dense woods voices can be herd from a distance approximately a group of 8/10 mercenary terrorists are walking through the woods with a hostage with a bag over his head he is dressed differently probably a soldier from the other army. They stop walking the leader commands his squad to bring the hostage to him, two of them pick him up and carry him to the leader and force the hostage on his knees and pull the bag off his head


Leader
“Wanna tell me which way to the nearest armoury base is???”

Soldier
(Exhausted)
I…rather die!!

Leader
Bad choice of words

Pulls out knife and cuts across the soldiers face in one movement the soldier falls to the floor

Leader
Tie him to that tree till we know what to do with him!

Two guys pick up the hero and tie him to a tree
But they don’t realise that while they are carrying him he grabs one of their knifes from their pocket
When he’s left tied to the tree the mercenaries all huddle around to talk about what to do with this soldier but while they are doing this the soldier pulls out the knife and starts to cut his rope


The mercenaries turn round and discover that he has disappeared.

Leader
“Right he can’t have gone far! ,I want everyone to spread around in groups of two patrols in a 10 mile radius I want him caught and brought back to me alive!!! Let’s move people!!!”

All the mercenaries spread out and the soldier rises from hiding.

Soldier
And so the hunt begins……


Thoughts?
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:23 PM   #2
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4 hours really? wow he should take up something else
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:24 PM   #3
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I got lost halfway through the intro.
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:24 PM   #4
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T'was pretty good
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:27 PM   #5
Tomosaurus
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Related picture, from MySpace minutes after he sent it to me.

Me and Calzonio are the protagonists in this picture, he is the antagonist.



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Old 11-09-2008, 04:28 PM   #6
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It's not that bad. Seems like a typical action film intro.
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:32 PM   #7
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I imagined the mercenaries all as asians. Is this racist of me?
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:33 PM   #8
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i could've whipped that out in 10 minutes and I have no skill as a creative writer.
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:34 PM   #9
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wow. that was lame.
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:34 PM   #10
Tomosaurus
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Hmmmm it could be, what about "mercenary terrorists" as it originally says in the script before it changes to mercenaries?



EDIT: This one REALLY is for the grammar nazis out there. It's unbelievable.
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:35 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leader
Bad choice of words
+1
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:51 PM   #12
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This is too awful for me to think of a suitable witticism.





...
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:54 PM   #13
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Well, it started somewhat poorly, then went downhill some in the middle, and the ending really let it down.
But other than that, it was good.
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:54 PM   #14
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That was...erm...to put it kindly, awful.
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:56 PM   #15
creeping.death!
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That took 4 HOURS?
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:57 PM   #16
apollo minor
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utterly disgusting.
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:57 PM   #17
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He has a good/unoriginal idea. That is all.
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:58 PM   #18
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I've been waiting for months just for a chance to post this.

Seriously, that was bad, like REALLY bad.
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Old 11-09-2008, 05:05 PM   #19
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It took 4 hours to rewrite a generic action movie beginning. He should be proud of himself.
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Old 11-09-2008, 05:06 PM   #20
I.O.T.M
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Why did the leader cut one of his own men?

Edit: Just read it properly I understand now!
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Stood by the gate at the foot of the garden,
Watching them pass like clouds in the sky,
Try to cry out in the heat of the moment,
Possessed by a fury that burns from inside.


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Last edited by I.O.T.M : 11-09-2008 at 05:27 PM.
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