Last week we asked you to think about what songs you'd be forced to listen to in hell, and we don't mean in an awesome Slayer kind of way.
You didn't disappoint. Your nominations were suitably unbearable, and everyone who voted helped us separate the bad from the worst. The result is a selection of songs so awful that even Satan would have to stuff fireproof wool in his ears.
It was hilarious yet hard work trawling through them, but we think it's ultimately the best list of bad songs ever compiled.
If you're brave, read on to find out what songs UG readers think will be the most unbearable.
10. Justin Bieber "Baby"
The teen tycoon has racked up 774 million views on the official video for this song, but few things are worse than hearing it that many times by yourself for an eternity in hell.
9. Anything by Nickelback
We try to avoid joining the old trend of slamming Nickelback. Sure, their songs are generally so middle of the road that you wish a truck would come along and crush them, but a lot of people buy and love their music. We don't want to stamp on their fun.
But a bunch of you voted them onto this list, so we found this video slamming Nickelback for being the worst band ever.
The funny thing is, the people who made this video and link to their band Mirrorhouse at the end. After slamming Nickelback like that, it's only fair to post their song "Everything's Changed" for you to judge too, because it's arguably as bad as anything Nickelback have released.
8. Starship "We Built This City"
Besides sharing the ludicrous concept of building a city on anything other than concrete, Starship wrote what Rolling Stone have named as the worst song of the 1980s. It won with a margin so large that the magazine said it "could be the biggest blow-out victory in the history of the Rolling Stone Readers Poll". Despite this, the song isn't as bad as the group of middle-aged drunk karaoke singers who will accompany it and sing it out of key for a millennium.
7. Maroon 5 "Moves Like Jagger"
Oh dear God, this song is bad. Next please.
6. Rick Astley "Never Gonna Give You Up"
Rick Astley could never have predicted the phenomenon his song would eventually become when internet pranksters started using his video in a classic bait n' switch prank. It revived his career, and he still tours today - but we wouldn't want to hear his 80s anthem forever.
5. Lou Reed and Metallica "Lulu"
This was truly a match made in hell. Bumbling 1960s icon Lou Reed teamed up with Metallica, who evade their responsibility of making awesome metal and instead produced this turgid piece of poetic crap. The team involved were so ashamed that no one would take sole production credit, and it will forever remain one of metal's great "WTF?" moments.
4. One Direction cover Oasis "Wonderwall"
It sounds better than their regular pop music, but the thought of spending forever listening to these smiling berks could bore the teeth from my face.
3. Double Take "Hot Problems"
So bad that it can't be real. It's just so, so bad. I take back everything I said about "Lulu"; this is a genuine abomination.
2. Various Covers of Nirvana "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
A lot of guitar stores banned Nirvana covers in the 1990s because it was so overplayed. YouTube reminds us how bad these covers can sound. It was too hard to pick one, so here's a series of awful "Smells Like Teen Spirit" covers to hear on repeat forever and ever.
And the worst one:
1. Lars Ulrich's Snare Hits From Metallica's "St Anger"
This scored twice as many votes as second place, making it far and away the most dreaded sound in UG history.
While searching for a solo version of the snare track, we found this comedy gem which is criminally under-viewed:
Lars Ulrich knows the snare sound on this album has become a joke, and he even joins in (albeit just to avoid being humiliated).
Can you think of a worse song? Let us know in the comments. Now excuse us while we go and sit in silence for a week.
ah that's funny. don't know about the snare hits being number one though. funny, but, i don't MIND it. it could get annoying... good list, love the James pic.
actually i love St. Anger album and it's snare... but the problem about Metallica is that they make songs too long! if the shortened every song on St. Anger, it would be hell of an album. Definitely not Metallica, but it'd be hell of an album!
There's only one good song that has those snare hits like Lars in St. Anger, and that's "Crashing Foreign Cars" by Helmet. The song is incredibly short at 2:29. This song proves your point on what Metallica should have done in order to have a St. Anger become a successful song and album.
I don't see the problem with long songs. I like the long stuff. And I think that St Anger is a good album. And I don't mind the snare. That's right. I said it. Bring on the downvotes!
Good list of horribly bad music. I still think 'Friday' by Rebecca Black outcraps everything on the list by a long ways. But the entire list is full of sonic hell.
Hot Crapblems has the advantage of being forgettable. Friday is (as sick as it makes me to admit it) catchy. Friday, friday, blah blah blah friday, nasally voice on friday....
You won't really hear a song. Just the sound of Guitar Center on the weekend during the holiday season. And all of the amps are permanently stuck on 10, 0, 10 with the volumes all set at "loudest" and the guitars will be even more out of tune than they normally are at GC. Every note that you play will be wrong and painfully noticeable, and everyone will laugh at you. Not out loud, but to themselves. And you know that they're all sitting behind you, silently judging. And even though they can barely BS their way through Stairway to Heaven and Sweet Child o' Mine, everyone of their poorly played riffs and licks are better than yours.
That forever and ever and ever is what hell is like.
I still think the worst music in the world isn't even pop; at least you could dance to pop if you wanted to. I think true hell would be a bunch of REALLY bad opera music. Which I hope none of you have experienced.
I bet there's some cringe-worthy failed experimental music out there too.
Hot Problems:
So bad that I'm wondering if they're serious or not,WTF.
Baby:
Justin Bieber, need I say more?
Wonder Wall 1D:
If you like one direction, go to hell! (no offence)
Seriously, I don't hate 1D, I just dislike them alot...
I don't hate Beiber, I mean, it's not like he destroyed music or something *cough*
Now I'm serious, I mean it. One direction never said they feel like this generations Nirvana, while Beiber said he feels like this generations Kurt Cobain (WTF). So I don't hate 1D, beiber is a ****ing idiot who makes his fans become bitches who thinks that "ugly" people isn't worth a SHIT!
You can throw in the original version of wonderwall in there for good measure. As far as maroon 5 goes, payphone is even worse than moves like jagger.. in my opinion at least.
You want me to suffer in hell just play don't stop believing by journey. If I had the money I'd buy the rights to that song ban it from ever being played again and destroy every copy of it
Overplayed, definitely, but does that make it a bad song in and of itself? Most of these songs were hits because they were so well liked by a large number of people. This, in turn, got them played over and over so much unfortunately, we eventually got burned out on them. This is why we can't stand them (well, except for the likes of "Hot Problems" which you're not going to hear on any traditional radio station anyway, except perhaps as a novelty song on some morning show).
I mean look at "We Built This City"...people love to bash it now, but Starship got tons of airplay, sold tons of albums, sold a lot of concert tix, and banked a lot of coin off that song. Not bad for "the worst song of the 80s". I've no doubt a lot of starving musicians would love to have a hit song as terrible as that one on their hands! I know I would, LoL.
Btw, I was reading Rule #2 for commenting here and it's so funny how this article, this entire comment thread, all of it, is in total violation. Rock on!
Yeah I don't mind the drumming in St. Anger at all. It really doesn't bother me. I'm really surprised though that Friday didn't make the list. Hot Problems did surpass it though in total crappiness though. Call Me Maybe should probably also be on there.
Friday - it's too unintentionally funny to be obnoxious.
Call Me Maybe - that song is so harmless that even if you blasted it in my ears, I could still drown it out with the thoughts of better songs. I don't think that song is obnoxious enough to be on the list.
Now here's another personal pick of mine -
I DARE you to find a song that is worse. And I love that song, it's just, for eternity? You CAN'T get used to it.
Its always great when people post a youtube link without any explaination of what the vid is. qrEE posted a link to Whalers on the Moon from a Futurama episode.
Anyways, because you dared me to find a worse song, I give you this: Prit Stik (1987) by the band Prit Stik.
This outcraps everything on the list and in the comments (so far).
I DARE you to find worse.
"We don't like to slam Nickelback" and then proceeds to slam Nickelback. The hate for this band is unbelievable and they definitely don't deserve this much.
No one could make Teen Spirit sound good since the original was so terrible. However, Myley looked great in tight leather pants. Was she singing something? I didn't notice.
You all have great points. Most of the songs here truly suck. But there has NEVER . . . EVER . . . been a worse song than "Mother" on Synchronicity by the Police. Truly. Seriously. Look it up and listen if you can. ABSOLUTELY nothing worse in the history of music.
@ graceshreder...Actually, I think I can top that!!! Queensryche doing a cover of Synchronicity II on their covers album was pretty painful to listen to.
btw, satan will for sure be blastin "baby" that is of course if it's not to unbearable for even him..... my thought on justin beiber is there is no way anything with nuts can make noises like that.
The funny thing about Creed is... swap the singer and you have Alter Bridge and Tremonti's solo stuff is fantastic. It makes you wonder what Nickleback would be like if they swapped Chad Kroeger, lol.
I don't like one direction at all. But Beiber worse, he actually mas his fans become idiots, I don't know a Beiver fan who isn't acting like one. But I have met nice one direction fans, seriously I really hate their music but Beiver has a much bigger ego.
I can't stand to listen to the radio any more because of hoes like Nicki Minaj, and she's not on the list ? Stupid Hoe just deserves to be on the list !
I really don't have a problem with St Anger. Neither the drums nor the problematic song structures.
I have a problem with people who think that every Metallica album should be a Ride the Lightning clone.
The snare in St. Anger is part of the legend. In a nu-metal style, it's one of the best album of the genre. And that snare contribuated to. If the album was not Metallica one's, it's would be a classic of nu-metal.
Same shit for Lulu, who should be listen like a Lou Reed album and not a 'tallica one.
This St.Anger version is probably the greatest song ever
Ian Gillian may ban laughing in heaven but in case I'm going to hell I'll just laugh myself out of there.
UG, you just made my day! A great article for once...
A fun article, only made me realize how hypocrite UG is, becuase I got reported for slammin' on Nickelback in a commentsection, and here they are, slammin' Nickelback.
Personally for me it would have to be the Safety Dance and "Apple Bottom Jeans, boots with the fur" song. They both drive me nuts but they get stuck in my head so often it's quite an ordeal lol
The sad thing in this is that there are some actual good songs on here.
Never gonna give you up is a legitimately good song. Most songs by nickelback are good anyway. Jesus ****, just because there songs are one in the same doesn't mean they are a bad band, I'd rather listen to them in hell than whatever else is on the list.
You want to know what hell is like? Put on headphones, play all vids simultaneously, experience. If the devil exists, you can hear him laughing right that way.
Haven't heard the Lulu one yet, but I agree with everything else on the list. Especially topped off with Lars' snare. That had me rollin'. I heard that snare in the Metallica movie when that came out and immediately made me do a little eye twitch.
Sorry, but the Miley Cyrus cover of SLTS is nowhere near as bad as any of the others on this list. I don't like her but that isn't to say there is musical talent behind all of what she is.
Man, if had to listen to that Justin Queerber song all the time, I would have to be in Hell. No friggin' doubt. That song sucks. Personally, I'd rather listen to 'St. Anger' with that awful snare than that 'Baby' crap.
oh cmon guys..its so cheap to bash metallica nowadays...peolpe just have to realize that Lulu wasnt that bad...its just completley different than anything...the lars snare sound on st. anger was part of the concept of the trashy sound of the whole record dammit...sometimes i think people are too stupid to think (the solo stuff on st anger is different...thats really bad)
SLAM!
Oh boy, I missed this word in an UG article!