When it comes time to plan for that special day, does the thought of a reception hall, a poofy white dress and some terrible overpriced DJ just not cut it for you? Well, Ozzy Osbourne
have just the thing.
According to Blabbermouth, the Prince Of Darkness has decided to make attending Ozzfest that much more special by giving fans a chance to purchase the "Unholy Matrimony
You provide the marriage license, and Ozzfest provides (almost) everything else. That includes an official Ozzfest wedding ceremony complete with ordained minister MC Big Mike, an Ozzfest wedding cake and pit tickets for the happy couple and up to eight guests.
The newlyweds will also receive early entrance with a backstage tour and access to the Ozzfest VIP lounge and specially designed Ozzfest tour shirts. There's also the chance to win a prize off the Ozzfest Bridal Registry, which is supplied by Ozzfest's sponsors.
You can check out the full "Unholy Matrimony" details and a list of which cities are still available for purchase here
The "Unholy Matrimony" package is all well and good for people who like Osbourne and metal bands, but here's a few other festivals and bands we'd like to see offering similar wedding packages:
You're married by a sheep farmer. The festival provides Wellies and raincoats for all members of the wedding party.
Rock En Seine
The ceremony will be conducted by one of the Gallagher
brothers. There will be no refunds if a fight breaks out between the two before the wedding and both refuse to show up.
Wacken Open Air
There's no actual ceremony, as black metal fans get a bit twitchy around any mention of organized religion, but there's plenty of complimentary beer for the wedding party and their guests. You'll also get a corpse paint makeover for the wedding photos, and no guarantee that the nearest church won't be burned down.
The Bamboozle Roadshow
The Roadshow will provide guests will earplugs to drown out the screams of the preteen concert-goers. The ceremony will be performed in riddles by Roadshow staff Linc and enough booze to wash away the fact that you're getting married at a festival intended for 12-to-16 year-olds.
The dress code for this one is extremely strict: you have to show up nude, with wizard gear in your hand. The Coachella wedding package will include one bottle of water per guest, unlimited cases of PBR and a crushing sense of inferiority that you're not cool enough to have heard of the majority of the bands way back when they released their first album as a download-only promo two years ago.
Pitchfork Music Festival
The Pitchfork wedding is only for the most musically elite, and does not provide newlyweds with anything but the overwhelming pride that would come after a Pitchfork editor married them, and that Animal Collective's Panda Bear was the best man and Karen O was the maid of honour. They can then start to brag about that to friends, but will then stop themselves with, "Oh, you wouldn't understand
" when asked what Pitchfork is.
Who knows? It's Woodstock, so the package might include anything from dry cleaning after mud singing to fire damage insurance.
Thanks for the report to ChartAttack.com