is officially a table, according to his Wikipedia entry as seen in the image below.
Hetfield revealed his true identity as a piece of wooden furniture when he proclaimed "I am the table
" in "The View
." It was the first song to be unveiled from a Metallica
collaboration with Lou Reed
While the song itself was poorly received, many listeners were inspired to come out of the closet and make their own claim to being a table, including several from the UG community. It is believed that these tables found it easier to admit their identity after Hetfield's public confession - truly an "I Am Spartacus" moment.
During the same song, Hetfield also attempted to say he was "the aggressor
" and "the root
." It would now seem these were inaccurate, and may have been included to help disguise that he is a surface constructed from wood.
According to Loudwire, James
also appears as a Wikipedia search result if you start to search the word "table
It is unclear whether Hetfield was produced as part of a collection of tables, or is a one-off creation. It has been rumored that his guitar is carved from an evil twin table, or that Hetfield himself was the evil twin.
Another rumor suggests that Hetfield is instead a regular human, and that his Wikipedia entry was edited as part of a joke. However, Wikipedia is increasingly credited as being a reliable source of information, and a 2005 study found it to be almost as accurate as a print copy of Encyclopaedia Britannica.