Sperm For Tickets

Sperm Donors are to be offered free tickets to any major European festival in return for making a donation.

The new initiative has been launched after fertility clinics in Ireland admitted that they were in a state of crisis.

In the last four years, Sperm donations have fallen by nearly 40% in the country and supply is failing to meet demand.

In order to attract a wider market, Sperm For Tickets has launched a scheme where donations can be made via specially developed donation containers and sent by courier.

The new service is open to any European citizen who can request information via their website.

Credits for the info to Gigwise.com.

Comments

[EvilWeevil]

OMFG, music, for jacking offf? YES!!!!! my dream has come tru

[webbtje]

So you get to fap and to go to a festival? Sign me up!

[webbtje]

Ah fork it, they're not doing it any more. Dammit!

[Comeback Kiddd]

I wouldnt mind the nurse getting my sperm manually. ;]

[raasbo]

Haha...I also read that salmon sperm can be used in HDTVs and cellphone screens so that they're brighter.

[CrazyPigeon]

Sperm for Download Festival? Yes mate!

[Comeback Kiddd]

but wait a second. awww. i wear tight pants. :[
tight pants= bad/messed up sperm. >

[brazen]

EvilWeevil wrote:

OMFG, music, for jacking offf? YES!!!!! my dream has come tru

lmao +1

[CrazyPigeon]

Err, this is a scam I just realised...

[Mr.Garreth]

Hell yeah! I jack off all day and its about time I recieved an award for it! wOOt

[FRDesign]

UG will be going to a lot more concerts.

[face_the_fear]

EvilWeevil wrote:

OMFG, music, for jacking offf? YES!!!!! my dream has come tru

lololol

[k-bag]

There should be stuff like 'Sperm for Money'

[Shabalaba]

k-bag wrote:

There should be stuff like 'Sperm for Money'

Doesnt that alread exist?

[Powerhouse]

In my experience, if it sounds too good to be true, it most likely is.

[Guitar Newbie]

LOL, it was a "scam"...I wouldn't mind donating anyways!

[perilouspete]

EvilWeevil wrote:

OMFG, music, for jacking offf? YES!!!!! my dream has come tru

LOL

[steven seagull]

k-bag wrote:

There should be stuff like 'Sperm for Money'

I think Dire Striats did a song about that...

checked

[ross1234]

is there an age for donation?

[Draken]

This is like a UGers dream...shame most of you have low IQ sperm.

[Son_of_Kyuss]

Wow, this is the world I one day dreamed to live in...welcome to the 21st Century.

[James_Het_Rules]

lol

this is cool

leave me and my g/f in a room for a few hours, and i'd have tickets to all the festivals for the next 100 years lol

[ctb]

At first I was like, "lolwut". Then I was like, "Wooo!".

[avenged_7_fold]

Fuck! Why can't I live in Europe?!?!?!?!?

[demiphoenix]

darwin is rolling in his grave

[MattA7Xfan4Life]

damn i wish i lived in europe!

[Moonman13]

EvilWeevil wrote:

OMFG, music, for jacking offf? YES!!!!! my dream has come tru

You need a girl friend..

[Menza_]

Looks like I am going to Wacken

[wstern]

Yeah...having a couple kids running around who don't know their father because you didn't want to pay for tickets to Reading is A-W-E-S-O-M-E!

[grungee123]

the two things i love doing most in life, aside from eating and sleeping, and i get rewarded for one of them? im in!

[cheapassbassist]

You need a girl friend..

Yeah, since those in relationship do not jack off. Never.


*facepalm.jpg*

[mr freezy]

I came at the thought of a free festival. How useful.

[LeZeNkO]

LET THE WANK FEST BEGIN! LOL

[demon.guitarist]

I always said these festivals were ful of wankers!

[guitarplayer-k6]

thank you god

[recliner33]

This sounds like a smart idea but I would never do it. I just can't picture little bastards of mine running around and me not knowing them. Plus this is just in Europe anyways.

[estranged_2003]

"In the last four years, Sperm donations have fallen by nearly 40% in the country and supply is failing to meet demand."

What country are they talking Europe isnt a country.

[TheBurningFish]

I find it funny that I read this shortly after jacking off...

This is win for everybody!

Me - Orgasm + Festival = Win
Family Somewhere - Child = Win.

[shadow_murph]

FRDesign wrote:

UG will be going to a lot more concerts.

hell yeah!

[turbonegro111]

Comeback Kiddd wrote:

I wouldnt mind the nurse getting my sperm manually. ;]

what if it was a man-nurse?

[Hank the tank]

k-bag wrote:

There should be stuff like 'Sperm for Money'

Ordinary sperm donation?

[griff1987]

Yeah but you gotta think of the long-term drawbacks... like having somebody knocking on your door in 20 years time introducing themselves as your child

[Beanie_Ben]

Comeback Kiddd wrote:

I wouldnt mind the nurse getting my sperm manually. ;]

dude, if pointless teenage films taught me anythn, that method involves a finger up your a*s...

[wataguitarist!]

sorry to disappoint but its a marketing tactic to get people onto http://www.globalfests.com to increase views

[LetTheBassPlay]

griff1987 wrote:

Yeah but you gotta think of the long-term drawbacks... like having somebody knocking on your door in 20 years time introducing themselves as your child

Honestly, I'd be okay with that if it meant that some couple could have a child that they might not have been able to have.
Plus, I dont think they can legally tell the child who the donor is.

[LegsOnEarth]

i would never have thought sperm donations would be falling...

[hugh20]

Sperm for muse at V

[freshtunes]

Is there any system or program in place for women who don't want to use artificial insemenation(sp?), and just want to have sex with a guy who signs up or something?

[-[NiL]-]

Best. News. EVER.

[chillrock]

doesnt this discriminate against women? or guys without conkers?

[fastlanestoner]

umm. best idea ever?

[legrille]

gives a whole new meaning to wacken festival lolz

[travislausch]

Finally, a whole new reason to look at porn!

[wstern]

A bunch of kids running around without fathers because you want to go see Reading for free? Awesome.

[HavokStrife]

This WOULD be the best news EVER on UG if it was happening in US instead of Europe. All you people over there are ****in' lucky!

[0h The Horror]

wstern :
A bunch of kids running around without fathers because you want to go see Reading for free? Awesome.

Damn right awesome.

[FLNagle]

freshtunes wrote:

Is there any system or program in place for women who don't want to use artificial insemenation(sp?), and just want to have sex with a guy who signs up or something?

now THAT is a stretch.

[Mudvayne_4_Life]

I couldn't do it. Knowing that somewhere, someplace, I had a biological child would really bother me.

[Shread_6009]

wstern :
Yeah...having a couple kids running around who don't know their father because you didn't want to pay for tickets to Reading is A-W-E-S-O-M-E!

dude, its not our fault that the kids without a dad, plus they might have 2 moms or a dad thats sterile. the donor really plays a very small part in the whole " child without a parent" scenario.

plus, people should donate sperm just for the free porn they supply. nuff said.

[RocksAwakening5]

I lol'd.

[dimebagsmygod]

I think a few people need to get girl friends . . .

This is actually for a good cause, not just so you can jack of to get a ticket, but its giving people a chance who other wise wouldn't have it.

[Dead_End]

haha wow... they'll be giving out a lot of tickets XD

[thatsbrutal20]

why must i live in america
anyways thats fukin awsome

[nemayasleads]

Am I the only one who finds this completly rediculous?

[All0utR0ck]

Wow...I think this is the first title I've seen on UG that hasn't mislead me...I thought maybe "Sperm" was some band that was playing for money...UG is getting better!

[lemon]

Oh my god I wish i lived in Europe

[Td_Nights]

freshtunes wrote:

Is there any system or program in place for women who don't want to use artificial insemenation(sp?), and just want to have sex with a guy who signs up or something?

Alchohol?

[Eirien]

That's effin disgusting. They'll be loads of nob heads who do this to save some money. Overpopulation is a huge problem on this planet. Well, maybe not in Ireland, but on the whole Earth's population is far too big for the planet to sustain.

[guitaringsailor]

YEEY!!! this is awesome!!!

do they provide porn? =)

[Walternativo]

Menza_ wrote:

Looks like I am going to Wacken

wacken n jack'n eh?

[babyslapmafro]

EvilWeevil wrote:

OMFG, music, for jacking offf? YES!!!!! my dream has come tru

haha so true, probably the best first post i've seen

[dirtymexican863]

***buys plane ticket to Ireland***

[fender_NiNE]

dude this is the best thing ever...too bad i live in the states

seriously who wouldn't do this?

too bad for the chicks lol what are they gonna do to get in? give someone head?

[scarfacesuit]

Yeah... I wish this was in the U.S... Can we send our sperm to them anyway for tickets?

[bass_monkey]

Where do i sign up?

[Bored to Tears]

Ew... lol.

[Serjem]

lol first when i read the title.. i was like .. wtf.. there's a band called sperm for tickets??? xD.. and the puc above seemed just like an album cover or something xD

[MastaBassist10]

Bored to Tears wrote:

Ew... lol.

Grow up

[sebbsmith]

Yeah man. I would so be the father to numerous children for a festival ticket. Did I mention those children now have the right to track me down? Gee, I can't wait to make this already over-populated world bigger!

[stradivari310]

Draken wrote:

This is like a UGers dream...shame most of you have low IQ sperm.

Not me

[Ultimatemetal]

i wanna move to euope!

[E-dogg66]

Menza_ wrote:

Looks like I am going to Wacken

LOL HA HA GOOD PUN!!!!!

[Gregray88]

Comeback Kiddd wrote:

but wait a second. awww. i wear tight pants. :[
tight pants= bad/messed up sperm. >

and increased gayness.
anyways, funny idea, i'd do it

[xalyssam]

EvilWeevil wrote:

OMFG, music, for jacking offf? YES!!!!! my dream has come tru

bahahahaha , thats good

[MegaRon]

One of the few times I wish I lived in the UK.

[GNR'n'A7X]

LeZeNkO wrote:

LET THE WANK FEST BEGIN! LOL

I KNOW, SERIOUSLY! Fuck man, I'm moving to Europe...

-DDP

[MmmCesium]

I like how just the word "Sperm" is bold in the third paragraph...

[gallagher2006]

I want the Lolwut pear soooo much right now

[False_God]

*read artical*

Hmm..

I'll be back in an hour
*runs to sperm bank*

[cedaguol]

masturbation for music? talking bout the perfect job haha xD

[Anno[fzk]]

sebbsmith wrote:

Yeah man. I would so be the father to numerous children for a festival ticket. Did I mention those children now have the right to track me down? Gee, I can't wait to make this already over-populated world bigger!

Nihilist much?
jk
I guess this would fall under anti-breeding.
If the mother doesn't say anything about how the made their child, there won't be much chance that they'll track you down.

CrazyPigeon wrote:

Err, this is a scam I just realised...

WTF? What would someone do with that mass amount of sperm? I'm thinking its for something sick, like "man"-made milk in your cereal.

[deadlyMETAL]

Okay, I thought this was a pretty funny idea, but please clarify, since some people commented, is this for real or is it a scam? I don't like in Europe, so I can't go find out. Not that I'd do it--parents won't let me go to shows as it is....

[deadlyMETAL]

deadlyMETAL wrote:

Okay, I thought this was a pretty funny idea, but please clarify, since some people commented, is this for real or is it a scam? I don't like in Europe, so I can't go find out. Not that I'd do it--parents won't let me go to shows as it is....

I meant I don't LIVE in Europe.... Sorry!

[Aftertime]

hahaha thats awesome! too bad im not in europe but i can donate anyway

should be called fapfest

[Sean-Man]

my life has meaning now

[Shywalk329]

Too bad its in europe. When they bring it over here Ill be donating my team from the inseam for some tix.

[Slash and Page]

hah this is great ! sign me up !

[Slash and Page]

European nurses are hot as hell itell ya ...

[mason092]

EvilWeevil wrote:

OMFG, music, for jacking offf? YES!!!!! my dream has come tru

Haha, +1

[Lin]

They really shouldn't have introduced the anti-anonymity legislation. The supply has totally dried up.

[x.brutal.x]

since im a girl i think this sucks.

[MyImmortal]

I'd fap to go see a concert (expecially Paramore)I mean it's a win-win situation.

[Lauri]

I feel sorry for the ladies right now.

[RedNovember]

Comeback Kiddd wrote:
but wait a second. awww. i wear tight pants. :[
tight pants= bad/messed up sperm. >

What are you doing wearing tight pants? TAKE THAT SHIT OFF BOY.

[jagstang365]

if i lived in europe i'd fill the banks

[Guitarpsycho93]

hmm... beat it, and get rewarded with tickets... dont beat it and not have an illigitimate child... beat it... no child... the only way i'd say yes is if Led Zep was touring. i think i can withstand my concience for some live zeppelin

[thereverendsoup]

EvilWeevil wrote:

OMFG, music, for jacking offf? YES!!!!! my dream has come tru

This is the best possible comment to be the first on this thread.

[Messer]

I told my mom all those years of beating the old meat would pay off for something! I finally get to prove her wrong and beat it good!

[ready2breakdown]

this needs to make it's way over shores. I wouldn't putting my sperm to good use, considering their not getting any chick I'm with pregnant anytime soon. I would be a every concert if that was around here.

[insurgentsteve]

Comeback Kiddd wrote:

but wait a second. awww. i wear tight pants. :[
tight pants= bad/messed up sperm. >

lmfao

[3lusiv3]

Can I go to Wacken for wackin'?

[Jk3y]

reading this news and the comments is my highlight today =P

[Rusty2008]

Beat your meat...
To listen to beats?
Just my luck!
Here's my spunk.

[Xplozive]

im gonna fap myself all the way to europe

[Lord_Doku]

ima make an sperm catapult shooting far enough to hit some houses in the US

Sperm.....for tickets..... HOW COME THEY COME UP WITH IT NOW !!!!!????? me dont cares, me got sperm rdy.

[vannaXcurses]

EvilWeevil wrote:

OMFG, music, for jacking offf? YES!!!!! my dream has come tru

hahaha

[thecameronator]

im in

[Nexu]

Shread_6009 wrote:

wstern :
Yeah...having a couple kids running around who don't know their father because you didn't want to pay for tickets to Reading is A-W-E-S-O-M-E!


dude, its not our fault that the kids without a dad, plus they might have 2 moms or a dad thats sterile. the donor really plays a very small part in the whole " child without a parent" scenario.

plus, people should donate sperm just for the free porn they supply. nuff said.

Over in the UK once the child your sperm helped created is of a certain age, say 16-18 they can legally find you out and come knock on your door and say "hi dad! look after me!"

[PooJee]

Nexu wrote:
Over in the UK once the child your sperm helped created is of a certain age, say 16-18 they can legally find you out and come knock on your door and say "hi dad! look after me!"

Yup, this is why donations have dropped significantly, because that law also applies to some other European countries.

Free concert tickets in exchange for a load of kids tracking me down in 16-18 years? No thanks!

[matalliam]

looks like theres gonna be more men at concerts than women... that sucks

[Lacebad]

WACK OFF FOR WACKEN!

[SicSeb]

Lacebad wrote:

WACK OFF FOR WACKEN!

Hahahahahaha yeah that's a good one xD

Anyways, it's bad for overpopulation and I won't do it otherwise I will have some kid someone =S I don't want that, I only want a kid with my girl ^_^

Other than that, I know a lot of wankers who whine and complain about not having enough money to go to concerts so this is a great solution =D

[SicSeb]

I will have some kid someone
*With someone I don't know
Or
*Somewhere

Sorry for the double post

[Chozz]

DOWNLOAD HERE I COME!

[Gemini]

The Irish can't possibly be this infertile. Come on now.

[dribble]

LeZeNkO wrote:

LET THE WANK FEST BEGIN! LOL

haha i second that motion.


well...

i would if i lived in europe.

say..

what you rekn the chances are of australia picking this up?

[ozzynator]

EvilWeevil wrote:

OMFG, music, for jacking offf? YES!!!!! my dream has come tru

hehe +1

The article was funny but i laughed a lot reading the comments. Funny shit.

[browar]

Let's say that you get that ticket. And what? you will be standing among the thousands of wankers and few girls who actually buyed a ticket?

[ChucklesMginty]

browar wrote:

Let's say that you get that ticket. And what? you will be standing among the thousands of wankers and few girls who actually buyed a ticket?

HAHA, exactly

[LaGrange]

browar wrote:

Let's say that you get that ticket. And what? you will be standing among the thousands of wankers and few girls who actually buyed a ticket?

HAHA, wow i didnt think of that, the sad thing is how much money the festival just lost for giving free tickets away to over half the crowd.

[dgme92]

Gemini wrote:

The Irish can't possibly be this infertile. Come on now.

It doesn't mean that we as a ntaion (Ireland) are becoming infertile, it's the fact that donations to these clinics have fallen by 40%, and in order to attract more donations, they brought in this method. Seems like a nice cheap way to get to Oxegen.

[sleepwalker16]

Whacking off for tickets?? the best thing I have ever heard of!