Sound: Definitely sounds like a Metallica riff, very nice and crunchy guitar tone and harks to the "St. Anger" days of riff-over-complexity.
A tad too much crash cymbal for my tastes but I have to say it's good to hear the "Black Album" bass drum again. It takes a while to get into but by the end it truly gets into pace and is worthy of a headnod and foot tap to the rather slow paced and simple, yet enjoyable beat.
Metallica clearly are the masters here and the music was their beast to tame and, although very simple and at times monotonous, is enjoyable. // 8
Lyrics: Wow this is the big problem really isn't it? If this song were the Titanic then the Lyrics and Vocal performance are the Iceberg!
James Hetfield's vocal parts are fine, what you'd come to expect from a post-"St. Anger" Metallica. The lyrics in this parts though are just as bad as the verses (more on that in a minute) with such gems as "I am the Table", "I am the Ten Stories" and "I am, I am, I am!". The lyrics are less out of place and more nonsensical, "I am the Table" wtf does that even mean? Is Papa Het really a table in this song's narrative?
Ah Lou Reed. The man who, in this song, makes Lemmy Kilmeister sound like Pavarotti. He's much less singing and more rather "reading" the lyrics. And I use the term "reading" liberally as his vocal performance is just diabolically raspy and horrible to listen to. It's almost as if he's reading some random lyrics he wrote down over a pre-recorded Metallica Jam. Some argue that's the intended style thus making this song good, however the "jam/unrefined-garage" thing didn't work with "St. Anger" and it doesn't work this time. // 1
Overall Impression: When I first heard of LouTallica I was pretty excited, I mean a collaboration with this rather alien artist (to me), yet still very famous, was a special thing for both Metallica and their fans. This on the other hand has just been an awful attempt to bring uncertain fans in to buy the album. If this song is the best of the album (and at least I think it would be if it's meant to be the clincher for undecided fans) then I shudder to think what the rest of the album is like.
Metallica fans hate Lou Reed's crappy vocals and Lou Reed's fans feel the song is spoiled by a misplaced metal riff. This song has turned more against LouTallica than it did to win them over.
The song gets better with Hetfield's bits and might actually be mediocre without Lou Reed's vocals, I anticipate and await the many remixes removing his bits from this album to hear whether Lou really is the problem here. // 2