5 Ways To Make Sure You're Not Actually Axl Rose

You'd better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Ultimate Guitar

Here is a test to see if you might really be the frontman of Guns N' Roses. If you have more than one of these symptoms, talk to Slash, please. It's all your fans really want for Christmas!

1. Ranting

Do you feel a need to rant about anything you even remotely dislike? Metallica, Nirvana and Danish people are among Axl Rose's top rants. If you have this symptom with no others, you might actually be Kanye West.

2. Suicidal Thoughts

Do you often wonder if the dead have to pay taxes? If you only have this symptom, you might be Peter Griffin.

3. Memory Problems

Do you find it difficult to remember lyrics you wrote back in say, the mid-1980s? Do you sometimes have the crowd shout most of the song while you stand there lip-syncing and hope no one notices? If you only have this symptom, don't worry, you're probably Vince Neil.

4. Weight Gain

Have you gained enough weight that some people on UG say that you look like a Chris Farley impersonation of yourself? Axl Rose sure has!

5. Sluggishness

Did it take you over a decade to finish your last studio album? If you have this symptom with or without any others, you are Axl Rose. Period.

Now, to the results!

If you scored 0-2

You're probably not Axl Rose, unless you answered yes to the 4th and 5th symptoms.

If you scored 3 or more

What are you doing on UG? No wonder it took so long for you to finish "Chinese Democracy"!

33 comments sorted by best / new / date

    you forgot 6. Overrated as f**k vocalist
    Is: one of the best rock vocalists ever (used to be at least). Is usually rated as: one of the best ever. Nothing overrated to be found.
    No really, he sucks. Always did.
    I'm not even a huge fan of Guns N Roses but I don't understand how you can listen to him sing and say "he sucks"
    Danjo's Guitar
    He does have a weird voice which is kinda annoying and terrible sounding, but most of the time it works really well with the song.
    So... A local band where I live consists of Axl Rose, Axl Rose and Axl Rose? They've been around since the 90's, and they just released their debut EP in 2014 after working on it for 19 years! Not a studio album. A 4-track EP! That shit should only take a few months at most, not 19 ****ing years!
    You fool! Can't you read? It says "your last studio album", not "your first EP"!
    It doesn't really matter. A decade is too long time to keep anyone waiting for a release, whether it's a full-blown studio album or an EP.
    Don't turn up late for a gig because I'm eating a roast dinner? Word is Axl Rose got a pound coin thrown at him at a gig in Newcastle, no wonder why he's a bit on the jerk side of things.
    Fuck Tool. They are propagandists, pushing new age spirituality. Fuck them. I hope they never release their new album.