We've been dreaming big in 2008, and now it's time for you to seal the deal. You've surely already been bombarded by 5-year-olds asking for the latest Elmo concoction, and that has to get old after awhile. Not to rip on the children of the world, but the UG community always thinks up a wish list that blows little Sally or Johnny's gift ideas out of the water. These suggestions might push you and the elves to the extreme, but we have the utmost confidence in the entire North Pole staff. This year we have even more unusual challenges than in previous years, so here is a quick bit of advice: Be prepared to round of Buckethead, Jesus, and Rick Astley.
St. Nick, we realize that you're a little long in the tooth (and looking great for a 1700-year-old dude, may we add), so we at Ultimate-Guitar did our part to help out. In a recent survey we asked readers, What is your weirdest music-related dream? It might not be a carbon copy of your usual What would you like for Christmas, boys and girls, but why not stir things up in 2009? Our readers chimed in with both their ultimate desires and some genuine dreams (of the sleeping variety), so your work might necessitate thinking way outside of the box. Instead of just jumping down the chimney and simply leaving a new Robot Guitar, how about upping the ante by heeding the advice of one particular UG reader? Make that Gibson axe unleash laser weapons, destroying all in its path. Sure, it might be a little brutal for all the glee of the holidays, but you'll certainly make one guitarist out there a very happy boy or girl.
So hold off on slipping the usual Death Magnetic CD or Marshall stack under the tree because we've got some ideas that will make this humdrum holiday season oh-so-much more interesting. And don't you want to brag that you were the guy responsible for a GN'R reunion or a DragonForce orgy with genuine dragons? Yeah, we thought so.
What A Wonderfully Weird Christmas It Would Be IfBuckethead is unmaskedThe former GN'R guitarist seems to be heavy in the psyche of quite a few readers, with many of you mentioning the quirky player in your responses. One individual, however, did the unthinkable by asking that Buckethead beunmasked. I have to admit that I also once spent an entire afternoon with the Google Images search engine, strictly for the purpose of finding out Buckethead's (a.k.a. Brian Patrick Carroll) true identity. But is a half-ass JPeg really satisfying? I think not. Santa, if you're able to unmask Mr. Carroll, think about the possibilities. Buckethead will finally be able to create instructional guitar DVDs, in which he walks us through the insanely good solos like the one in Jordan. It wouldn't hurt to hear him pass along a few behind-the-scenes tales of his days with Axl, either.Kurt Cobain enters a Battle of the Bands ContestThe reader who suggested this dream went on to say that Cobain would proceed to play all of his hits as he demolished the competition.
Unfair? Sure! But wouldn't you just love to see him show some of these novice rock stars how to play uncompromised, legendary music without the aid of hair gel or pyrotechnics? Guns N' Roses has a reunion with all of the original membersThis would be the ultimate step in rebuilding Axl's career. Sure, Chinese Democracy made a fairly solid showing internationally, but a reunion with Slash, Izzy, Duff, and yes, even Steven would likely win back all those fans that Axl alienated over the past 15 or so years.
Santa, we realize that you have a better chance of resurrecting Kurt Cobain, but we still want to believe in Christmas miracles.Fall Out Boy becomes a good band with the ability to write enjoyable songsThose in the UG community who voted Fall Out Boy as the Worst Band of 2008 likely have no hope in this coming true. But another such reader added a little twist to this comment that might just work.
He dreamed that Cradle of Filth would one day cover a Fall Out Boy track. We're already smirking thinking about what Dani Filth would do with a song called Dead on Arrival. DragonForce has sex with dragons as they playedBizarre? Perhaps. Disturbing? Of course. But even those who don't care for DragonForce would have to admit that this would probably one of the most memorably awesome concerts around. Sex and dragons?
It's a guaranteed sold-out show.A death metal band was comprised of Jesus, the angel Gabriel, Muhammed Suicmez and my history teacherThere weren't a whole lot of religious-based results in our survey, and this one was a doozy. We're fairly certain that Jesus and/or the angel Gabriel have not yet played in a death metal band (on Earth, at least), particularly one that features the likes of guitar master Suicmez of Necrophagist. This would be the perfect opportunity to prove to all those right-wingers that any goes in metal - including Jesus on drums. We're not sure where the UG reader's history teacher fits into the whole equation, but he's obviously one hell of a cool instructor if he can stand toe to toe with Jesus.Mozart builds a studio inside of his grave and did all his pieces in a heavy metal version with help from Dimebag Darrell and Pavarotti
Forget sex with dragons or reunion tours, this request would take music as we know it to the next level. Mozart was a bit of a misfit himself back in the day, and we're almost certain they he would appreciate the genius behind much of today's metal. And why stop with just Dimebag? Let's get Randy Rhoads and Jimi Hendrix invited to this party.Green Day plays ukulele in gorilla suits and free cookies for everybodyFor those who believe Green Day has lost its edge, seeing Billy Joe Armstrong in a monkey suit might actually be a welcome change. With American Idiot delving deep into political themes and their upcoming 2009 release supposedly being more religious, it may just be time for the pop punk band to grab some ukuleles and lighten up a bit. Santa, one more thing: I have a feeling that some people will be just fine with the free cookies.
What The Nighttime May Bring: Truly Weird DreamsI exchange guitars with Dave MustaineJimi Hendrix plays drums with his teeth in my band, while slap bassing with his feet.You've already intrigued us with Mustaine showing such an act of kindness, and the fact that Hendrix was going all Bootsy Collins on us in the dream makes this a top priority for you, Santa.
Really want to blow our minds? Push Mustaine into joining Hendrix's funk band, and you can watch the jaws drop.I met Chuck Schuldiner and joined Death, but then they kicked me out because my armpit hair grew too long.
While we applaud the UG readers' subconscious for keeping the spirit of Schuldiner going strong, Santa should feel free to edit out any mention of lengthy armpit hair. Orthrow in a bottle of Nair for this poor kid. Problem solved and a happy holiday is had by all.I was at a Rick Astley concert...Um, no. Santa, we were going to put a positive spin on this one, but no dice.
Me and Ozzy were grave-robbing at a funeralOzzy opened a coffin and started nailing a skeleton.No offense to the Prince of Darkness, but this sounds like something Ozzy might have actually done circa 1985.
I guess we don't want to see the rehabbed singer back to his old bad habits, but perhaps another frontman can cover this one. Any votes for Scott Weiland? Wait, we take that back. Astley!I was in the middle of a gig when I suddenly spawned 3 extra penises and used them as drum sticks to do the craziest drum solo of all time.
Santa, if you're able to make this dream a reality, just be prepared to work overtime. I have a feeling that the Acme Penis Spawner will be the hit of the Christmas season.Playing chess with half-Billy Corgan/half-horse as fairies wearing funky fruit hats danced around us singing 'What Is Love' by Haddaway.
If this dream doesn't scream Christmas Magic, then nothing does.Slash came in my house to play Guitar Hero with me.Even though this came from the subconscious mind during a run-of-the-mill good night's sleep, it's not such a far stretch from the truth.
Out of all the rock stars today, Slash is the kind of laid-back guy that would probably grant such a wish. We're assuming he's a petty phenomenal Guitar Hero player now that his face has donned millions of packages, but it would still be mighty cool to have Slash kick your ass at Through The Fire And Flames.
Sign us all up for this gift, Santa.
By Amy Kelly