Chapter 11: The Good Old Hockey Game
Jordan and I watched from the bench as the opposing team worked the puck in our zone, cycling the puck around boards. This team is pretty good. I said, pausing to pour water on my face. A little too good for a beer league.
Jordan began to pick at the tape on the blade of his stick. Yeah, or maybe our team is really f--king bad.
We watched hopelessly as an out of shape teammate corralled the puck, attempted a few strides, and then slapped the puck down the ice before falling pathetically onto his stomach.
Yeah, our team is really f--king bad. I said.
Jordan continued to pick at his blade. Definitely. Our shitty jerseys don't help either. Look at those guys, their jerseys make them look like the god damn leafs.
The whistle blew and the line up on the ice shuffled to the bench in shame. A fresh line of players began to make their way over the boards, and continued the embarrassment as several players fell over the boards on their way to the ice. Jesus Christ. I said. How come we're the only ones who can play?
More importantly, how come we didn't take hockey any farther than high school? Jordan asked.
I laughed. I don't know, probably something to do with drinking, or drugs, or probably both. Maybe the whole skill thing too.
I could have made it. Jordan said.
Oh you could not have. I said.
Jordan removed his helmet and poured water onto his head. Are you kidding? I lead our high school team.
Bullshit.I said, laughing. You were washed up by the time you hit grade nine.
The puck collided into the boards in front of us, and a pile of players began to dig at the puck. i>f--k sakes. I said, watching as an opposing player slashed our teammate in the ankle relentlessly. This is why we lose, Jordan, all the other teams aren't f--king scared of us.
Watch out twenty-one! Jordan screamed at the opposing player. You keep hacking like that old man and I'll look for you on the ice!
The opposing player continued his lumber jack career on my teammate's ankle. I'm coming over the boards if you don't stop superstar! I yelled.
The pile broke up and as the puck made its way down into our zone, number twenty-one gave us a collective f--k off! and skated to the bench. The whistle blew and a new group of players made their way onto the ice.
So I heard Lacey's release did really well. Jordan said.
My mind was jolted as I was quickly brought out of my hockey mindset and back into my business mindset. Yeah, it went good. I said. But is now the right time?
Jordan stood up and watched the game playing out in front of him. Sure, there's another line before we go out anyways.
I stood next to Jordan, shaking my legs to keep my calves loose. Well it went really well, really, really well. I said.
Jordan sighed. Yeah, I saw the numbers. Pissed me right off that she used to be my client.
The opposition broke into our zone and scored, causing Jordan and I to hang our heads. Well buddy, that's the way it goes I guess. You win some, you lose some. I said, looking at the scoreboard. But there's a funny side to it. I said.
This f--king team. Jordan said, looking at the various chumps sharing the bench with us. Oh yeah, and what would that funny side be?
Well... I said, reliving the previous day's events. Lacey thought I'd come with her to New York. Jordan laughed. And why the hell would she think that?
I shrugged. I really don't f--king know. I guess after the sex she got a little attached.
Jordan hung his head again. Don't remind me. But that wasn't really funny.
I watched as number twenty one made his way back onto the ice and continued his career in forest logging. Well what was funny is when she found out she didn't have enough money to go to New York.
I watched as a smile broke across his sweat drenched face. Yeah, I guess that's funny. So not only did you not go with her, but she couldn't go by herself?
Of course. I said, laughing. Her album did well, but not that well. She moved to a nicer place in Toronto though.
You still her agent? He asked.
Yeah, although I'm not sure about the whole f--k buddy thing. I said.
Well let me know if the agent thing falls through, I want her back. He said.
I watched as the players flew by our bench. Yeah man...I'll let you know... I said, fully knowing I would never give up a client like Lacey.
Me and Jordan both put our legs up over the boards and waited for our teammates to come off the ice. I really want her back. Her next album is going to f--king sell like a bitch.
I spied out number twenty one on the ice. He's out there Jordan. I said, trying to distract him from his ex-client.
Our teammates slowly made their way in our direction as play continued in the opposite end of the ice, and Jordan and I began to make our way fully over the boards. Now let's go cave superstar's f--king head in. I said.
He reached his hand across my desk to shake my hand, revealing a wrist covered in silver watches. The name is Milly Free, and it's a nice day to be.
I took in his fubu uniform like clothes as I shook his hand. It's nice to meet you. I said. I've seen your stuff, I'm really happy you decided to have a meeting with me.
He smiled, displaying a mouth full of pearly whites and a couple of diamond studded teeth. The pleasures all mine good man. But let me rhyme out some questions clearly so we can talk freely , let me clear the clouds so we can stand proud, and let me observe the soul so I can know you whole.
I shuffled awkwardly in my seat, surprised by the attitude of a once seemingly normal potential client. Any questions you have, just ask. I said, not rhyming.
Well first, you should know I'm a ladies' man, but goddamn I'm a business man. He said, moving his hands as if he was in mid song. That means I want to have different enterprises, so I can make so much money that I'm a franchise.
Well, I've already taken that into account. I said as I tried to make a beat in my head to his words. And we're going to make a career plan for you as you progress, but first and foremost you need to have a following.
He swiftly popped his collar and rolled his sleeves. Of course we will my good man, but I want to be a renaissance man. I want to drive the cars and know the stars, I want to sell the clothes and sell out the shows, and I want to make the money and taste the honey.
We can do that. I said. I promise. But we need to get a single out and then we need to get an album out.
Of course we will my good man. But do you know any hip hop producers?
I hesitated, waiting to see if he would finish his sentence with a rhyme. I do, I have a couple that actually owe me a few favours, so we can get you in with a good producer really easily.
And what about labels? He asked. I need to be on a legitimate rap label, no white boy thing.
I laughed. I've got a couple of non-white contacts who work at non-white labels, so don't worry. I said.
He stared at me as a diamond-toothed smile formed on his face. Well that doesn't sound too bad, my manager was right about you.
I reached my hand across the desk. Well that's the first time I've ever heard that.
He reached to shake my hand but pulled back. Hold on Dan, there's something we have to do first.
I watched in confusion as Milly left the room, then returned with four other similar looking males. This is my crew Dan. He said, pointing to the collection of body guards standing in my room. That's stile', that's merc', that's inane', and that's blue'. These are my boys.
I sat in my chair, scared of an imminent robbery. What's up guys...?
The largest of the four opened his mouth. You sign our boy? He bellowed.
I hesitated. Uh, yeah I did.
He crossed his arms. Then you took care of our boy. Now we gone take care of you. You like tits?
I hesitated again, fearing that the massive man was talking about his own. Yeah, I like tits...girl tits.
You like tits that aren't white? He asked.
Well, yeah I do. I've never really been up close with them though.
He filled his massive stomach with air and then spoke. Shit, then come with us. If you gone be our agent you gone have to be a man of culture.
I grabbed my jacket. I always knew strippers were a vital part of our culture.
I looked in the rear view mirror and saw Tanner, Coulter, and Martin stuffed into the backseat, in anything but comfortable positions. How's the room back there guys? I asked, knowing the answer.
I received two F--k yous and a speech about not being able to channel their muse, and a smile from Shawn who was sitting in the passenger seat.
Well fellas. I said, staring at the familiar dark house while parked in the familiar dark spot on the familiar dark street. We're back here for the third time, and this time, it's a true celebration.
I thought last time was a celebration Dan? Shawn asked.
I sighed. It was, until I found out my ex-wife is soon to be f--king remarried.
Well we're here for you Daniel, anytime anywhere. Martin said. Shut the f--k up Martin. I said. So we have everything? I brought the toilet paper, who brought the bags?
I have them. Shawn said. But I don't really have a full stomach tonight.
I rolled my eyes. God damn you guys are such a bunch of f--king nancy's. I said.
Well Dan we ate an early dinner, what can I say? Shawn said.
F--k it. I said. I had a big buffet dinner at the strip joint, so we're fine. You guys ready?
The whole backseat hesitated. Daniel, we finished the album, is there nothing you have to say to us? Martin said.
I didn't have anything planned, but I thought lighting flaming bags of shit on fire and then throwing toilet paper all over a guy's house was enough to compensate. I said.
It isn't. Shawn and Martin said in unison.
How did I get involved with the biggest bunch of pussies I've ever seen? I said, sighing.
Daniel! Martin demanded.
Fine. I said, clearing my throat. I guess I'm proud. Actually no, I'm very proud. But not you guys, no, I'm not proud of you at all. I'm proud of myself, extremely proud, that somehow I managed to train you pugs into becoming the half-rate musicians you are. It took a lot of work, it did. But I worked hard and managed to potty train you guys into men.
The car remained silent. And I'm proud I didn't rip Martin's f--king head off.
Well... Shawn said. We'll take whatever we can get I guess.
I unlocked the door. You better. I said.
I opened the door and stood up, and instantly became face to face with a police officer.