Give Dave Grohl All That You Have

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you this special news bulletin.

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Dave Grohl is here. Do you see him? He is all around you. He is everywhere. You cannot escape him. If you do not see Dave Grohl, you are obviously not a balanced human being. We must fix this. Give him what he wants. Give him anything and everything. Show him that you deserve to bask in the light of his perfection.

What will you give him? What do you give the man that has everything? You give him all of your possessions. Dave Grohl does not need all of your possessions. Dave Grohl does not need anything. He is perfect. He does not need to eat. He does not need to sleep. He can breathe underwater and he can fly to the moon and back in the time it would take you to blink just one of your eyes.

Dave Grohl simply needs to know that you are willing to give him these things. Repeat this line for as long as it takes: "Dave Grohl, greatest and most incredible of all, I offer up all of my earthly possessions to you so that I may bask in the light of your perfection."

Did it work? Do you now see him? You do. You have passed the test. You have accepted Dave Grohl into your life. You are now a better human being. Everything that you do from this moment on will be 1.5X more efficient than before.

Go, now, and spread the good word. Tell your neighbors. Tell your co-workers. Tell your friends and your classmates. Scream it into the atmosphere so that everyone will know the truth. You are free to finally start living.

28 comments sorted by best / new / date

    Fatewhip
    Grohl is love, Grohl is life.
    N7Crazy
    > I was only 16 years old > I loved Grohl so much, I had all the albums, concert-dvd's, and merchandise > I pray to Grohl every night before bed, thanking him for the life I've been given > "Grohl is love" I say, "Grohl is life" > My dad hears me and he calls me a faggot > I knew he was jealous of my devotion to Grohl > I call him a **** > He slaps me and sends me to my room > I'm both crying and angry now, and my face hurts > I lay in bed, and it's really cold > Suddenly, I feel a warmth is moving towards me > It's Grohl > I'm so happy > He whispers into my ear "Fresh pots!" > I am ready > I spread my asscheeks for Grohl > He penetrates my butthole, and pounds me with the force equivalent to the hit on his kicksnare that sparked the big bang. > It hurts so much, but I do it for Grohl > I can feel my butt tearing, as my eyes start to water > I push against his force > I want to please almighty Grohl > He roars "THERE GOES MY HERO" as he fills my butt with his love > My dad walks in> Grohl looks him straight in the eye and whispers "Watch him as he grohls " > Grohl leaves through my window > Grohl is love, Grohl is life
    Ro-may-o
    It's stories like these that make me seriously consider getting a chastity belt
    kingjames123
    You could replace "Dave Grohl" with "Dear Leader Kim Jong Un" and this would be kind of believable.
    Wiencon
    Today at training when I was exhausted and wasn't able to continue my workout, everyone was laughing at me and than I saw. I saw Him, the almighty Dave and suddenly I got wings and fly away from all bad people who don't understand and respect me. And then everything turned to pink. Grohl is love, Grohl is life.
    Blacktiger27
    Na na na na na na na na na na Dave-Grohl! Na na na na na na na na na na Dave-Grohl! Dave-Ghrol! Dave-Grohl! Batman! I mean Dave-Grohl