Houses of the Holy

Church-goer confesses to not knowing who Led Zeppelin is: concerned priest comes forward.

Ultimate Guitar

Reverend Father Nate Hernandez has served his local church unquestioningly for the past twenty-five years. However, due to an outrageous and shocking confession made earlier today by a regular Sunday mass attendee, Nancy Henderson, he's made the difficult choice of breaking his solemn vows and coming forward.

"I've heard just about all you can hear in that confessional booth at one time or another," Hernandez states, "but for a woman well into her forties to never have heard of Led Zeppelin? I'm honestly concerned; concerned for the church and for our entire community. Something has to be done."

We surveyed the scene for anyone who may have known Nancy. One man had this to say: "Nancy is a single mother of two. She took care of those boys, and you could tell that she loved them very much, but to know what I know now... I'm not so sure those kids should be allowed to stay with her. At least for a while. The line has to be drawn somewhere."

We also got a few words from the younger of her two boys, Nicholas Henderson: "My mom and I were on our way home from my school one day when I asked her who Led Zeppelin was. I told her my friends were talking about him, and I wanted to know more about it. She told me to shush and to read my book. She seemed really nervous."

For the time being, this walking abomination of a woman has been sent to a mental ward until proper measures can be taken. Rev. Hernandez gives his opinion on what should be done: "Obviously this woman is very ill, but I don't necessarily think it would be right to take her children away from her - though she does deserve it. I'm no doctor, but I'd imagine the best thing that could possibly be done for her is to prescribe one or two albums a day, and perhaps, eventually, work her up to the Zeppelin marathon."

Whatever the case may be, Nancy Henderson will, at long last, be getting the help she so desperately needs.

8 comments sorted by best / new / date

    Maybe she was just deprived of Zeppelin by her parents when she was a kid? That's tantamount to child abuse. Hopefully this helps her get started on prog.