I Don't Wanna Grow Up

Jack introduces you, the reader, to himself, the main character. Oh, and his friends. I guess you'll just have to read it, huh?

Ultimate Guitar

Hello. My name is Jack. Sorry, my author is a little crazy sometimes. I am in a band, obviously I'm pretty sure being involved in music somehow is a must for all the characters and their stories on this website. I play everything that I can get my hands on, and a few things that I probably shouldn't touch. Excuse me, that was rather inappropriate. I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist. It's just that your mother was here, and she's pretty attrac-

Jack, what the hell are you doing? Who are you talking to in there? And whose mother are you talking about?

Ah, that would be my mother. A nicer woman you will probably never meet, but that doesn't mean she's a pushover. I have found this out the hard way on multiple occasions, trust me, and seeing her angry is NOT something I enjoy under any circumstances. I decide that explaining exactly what I am doing would take too much time and isn't worth the effort at this point.

Ummmmmm I'm talking to Taylor, mom. Don't worry about it!

No, who're you talking about?

Mom, I'm not dressed. Now is really not a good time. Can we discuss this later? For that matter, what is it that we're discussing?

Mom tends to worry. About EVERYTHING. And so the fact that I just said I'm talking to my best friend while also telling her I'm naked probably will start something off in her mind, especially since that best friend is a girl. Who I find attractive: VERY attractive. Long brown hair, startlingly blue eyes, a nice body I can honestly tell you she is the most beautiful girl in the whole damn world. My only problem is that she always has a boyfriend, and usually that boyfriend can break me in half. I'm tall, sure, but at 6 foot 4 I only weigh 165 pounds, most of which is bone and fat. I have no muscle. I really ought to work on that at some point I suppose.

Does she know you're naked? Mom has this gift for tact. Or not.

Well, she does NOW!

Ok, sorry. I have your mail here, and if you want dinner there's a pizza in the freezer. I'll be back around midnight I think.

Oh, no. Gerald again. Ugh. That man is the lowest piece of shit on God's green earth mom, what do you see in him? Because all I ever see are the bruises he leaves on you. He better leave you alone tonight

Finishing getting dressed is a simple matter athletic shorts and a blink-182 shirt, no boxers, and I seem to have lost all of my socks. I say goodbye to Taylor after we make some plans to hang out this week sometime not real definite plans either, just a movie or something. I leave my room, wave goodbye to mom through the window, and put the pizza in the oven. While the pizza is baking I get out my Taylor acoustic. I swear it's a sign from God that I can play with/finger/make beautiful sounds come from the Taylor. Maybe I'll have my shot at the actual girl too. Here's hoping, anyway.

I have rather varied tastes in music, but tonight we are playing Foo Fighters. I run through My Hero and follow it up with Friend of a Friend. I finish with No Way Back, put the guitar down, and check on my dinner.

The pizza is done by this point, and I sit down to watch TV and eat. Thirty minutes into Borat I hear Sam at the door. It has to be him, because he's my drummer and he has a different knock every single time. I can always tell it's him too, and this time his knock is something like a Tool beat, something in 5/4 from the sound.

Dude! You didn't tell me we were having pizza! I wouldn't have eaten before if I had known that!

WE are not having pizza. I am. Practice isn't for another hour anyway, and you never get here on time. You're not really an early person, Sam. What's up?

He laughed. Alright, Jack. I know you hate to share. And yeah, I have some news I guess. You wanna let me in now?

I step aside to let Sam in. I don't see anyone else outside, so I close the door and sit down on the other couch this time, the one with acoustic and the pizza. We watch the movie for a good twenty minutes or so before he remembers he knows something that I don't. This always gets him really excited because it doesn't happen all that often; Sam is not exactly what we would call a model student.

I get tired of waiting for him to say what's on his mind, so I try to start it off. So what's your news, dude?

And Sam just smiles at me.

I hate it when he does this. He really likes to savor these few times when he has information I want and don't already know about. I decide not to take the bait. For now. So I go back to watching the movie. This lasts for maybe five minutes, tops, before my curiosity gets the better of me and I bring it up again. This time, instead of smiling and just sitting there saying nothing, he laughs at me and whispers, It's a secret, in that gay little preschooler voice he does sometimes.

Dammit Sam

34 comments sorted by best / new / date

    Mmm. I like the fact that we have some device in here that's different. I think that the character can speak about the author and so gives it a playful, selfaware feeling. which is good. I will follow this for the possibility of literature.
    a bit clunky in the set up so far but at least its a little different... unless sams secret is that he wants to start a band - but he doesnt play any instruments yet - and with that band he wins taylor over....
    dale-banez wrote: don't we have enough of these already?
    There are NEVER enough columns.
    Bamitchell wrote: Just out of curiosity, how old are they?
    I'm gonna try and answer that in the next couple installments here...
    Lots of potential here. I'm really hoping the title is pointing towards a punk band...
    Uber Man
    i just about pressed the little X when i read "Blink 182 t-shirt" but you saved it when you mentioned Foo Fighters and Tool
    Haha wow. thanks you guys, i hope i can live up to all your expectations...
    It's pretty good. I'm thinking that I'll be reading this one 'til it ends.
    Heh, the title attracted me. I don't want to grow up for sure. I like it, And I'll keep reading I think ^.^
    Suav Nitebeest
    Equivalence wrote: looks good, especially if we get some sexeh action
    The title is obviously a reference to the protagonist's fear of sexual maturity, so I doubt that (Procrastinating homework = double post. Yes, half an hour later.)
    Not bad, lookin forward to this one. The explosion of writers and fiction on this site, alot of it good, is really great!
    I never read the bookish columns on ug, but the first paragraphs are pretty cool. Keep it up!
    dale-banez wrote: don't we have enough of these already?
    I'm gonna say no, since the UG staff bothered to let me post this here
    I agree there does seem to be an overload of Nolan inspired fiction on this site. This one however seemed pretty interesting, could get good.
    Based on the title, I'm going to guess that this'll have something to do with the Descendents. But I could be wrong.
    this first paragraph sold the story to me... breaking the fourth wall in the first sentence!? niiiiice. really nice writing style, though that bit about the mom's boyfriend beating her seemed a bit out of place considering the overall laid-back atmosphere you've described. when's the next one coming out?