Jersey Boys. Part 1

Based loosely around my experiences, this is going to be what I'd like my life to pan out to be if I became a rock star.

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Ultimate Guitar
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"F--k this. F--king piece of shit". Brian smashed his keyboard with his fist in utter frustration, a small bead of sweat trickling down his right temple ever so slowly. The fact that all the air conditioning units in the house had gotten fried during an electrical storm a few nights before only compounded his angst, but he was partly to blame for it as much as the 85 degree weather that lorded over his tranquil little part of Southern New Jersey. He had gotten lazy recently, probably due to the weather, in getting himself to get his ass to the computer repair shop after his newer PC caught a virus from a night of rather un-kosher internet surfing. He had no girlfriend or available booty calls that night and nothing to do, so he figured why the hell not as everyone was in bed. Big mistake, as it turned out the virus he caught was a tough sonuvabitch. This only resulted in having to use the older computer that was only capable of handling dial up until he decided to get his ass in gear on that issue.

Sighing heavily, he decided to try and drown his anger in yet another night of attempting to pull off a rather tricky riff on his axe with his closest friend Jack sitting on the desk next to him, silently listening to every missed note and off time riff. Dear ol' Jack didn't exactly help his playing (in this case actually making it worse), but he did help the 6'2" man sitting next to him by taking the edge off from the day a considerable amount. It was only 5 pm and he was already sufficiently toasted. The fact that a bottle of whiskey can't yell at you for not doing the dishes or mowing the lawn was a definite plus as well. "Thank god they're out of town for the weekend". He closed his eyes and pictured his parents nit picking his every move for the millionth time.

Just before he was about to launch into the main riff from a rather catchy Behemoth song, his phone vibrated rather loudly on the desk next to him, startling him from his half asleep state of consciousness and causing him to swing around, narrowly avoiding knocking over the uncapped bottle of liquor onto the power strip sitting on the floor directly under it.

Regaining his compsure rather quickly, he looked at the caller ID. It read "This Guy", a nickname that his friend Kevin had seemed to have acquired and no one could explain the origin. He picked it up and answered.

"Yo, what's up?"

"Watcha up to, mang?", replied Kevin.

"Abshof--kinlutely nothing. You?"

"Haha, same thing. Great minds think alike"

"Heh, either that or we're drinking the shame thing. Wanna come over?"

"I was just about to ask you the same thing. You drunk or something?" Kevin could have sworn he could smell the alcohol on his friend's breath through the reciever.

"It's a possibility"

"Damn dude, it's only 5! I'll be right over. Just save me some, okay?"

"Will do. I'll shee you when ya get here. Later"

A rather short answer, consisting of a half hearted "later" was all Kevin gave his friend. He shook his head and smiled to himself as he grabbed his axe and half stack and headed out to load up his car. Brian wasn't a bad guy at all, in fact he was one of Kevin's dearest friends and the type of guy that was always there for you should you need something, but his friend's recently developed drinking problems were starting to become an issue. He mused to himself for a minute about bringing it up when he got to his friend's house, but shook it off for the moment as he suspected it would only make things worse at this point. "Another talk for another day" was the last thing that crossed his mind as he hopped in his car, threw some Pantera on, and loudly squeeled out of the driveway.

Turning the volume up on his dinky little practice amp to the maximum tolerable level, which for him in his drunken state was all the way, launched into a catchy little riff he had been working on for the past few days. After a few minutes, his skin began to crawl from sweating so much that it prompted him to actually get up for once and open the windows in the computer room. Pausing for a second, he directed his drunken gaze across the street. His neighbor's girlfriend was lounging on a beach chair in their front yard across the street. Running 5 days a week did her body good, and she knew it, constantly flaunting her slender and toned body for all the old men on the street to ogle. He knew her type- the kind of girl that got off at teasing the living shit out of every guy she came across, loving every second of it.

"F--king c*ck teasing little bitch". He nearly spouted that train of thought aloud but caught himself in time. "I can't stand that shit. Definitely would f--k her brains into next week though". From his vantage point, he could see her in all her glory, two narrow strips of black fabric barely covering only the most essential parts of her incredible anatomy. The fact that she was a redhead only served to intensify his quiet infatuation with her. As he turned away to go back to playing his axe, he could have sworn that out of the corner of his eye he saw her lift her sunglasses and give him a wink and a smile.

Suddenly, something came over Brian. Not knowing why, his feet seemed to gain a mind of their own and he opened the door. He stood right outside it for a minute, just standing there and looking longingly at her. It was an ever so slight motion but he knew he saw it- her finger curled up in a "come here" motion. Taking a leisurely pace, he made his way over to her, stumbling on occasion. He had downed just over half of the bottle of Jack sitting on his desk in a little under 2 hours afterall.

"Hey Jess. What's up?". Brian put on a false air of naievite on his words to seem oblivious to her efforts at teasing him. He hadn't had much contact at all with her since she moved into her boyfriend's house almost a year ago, but he had enough to at least learn her name.

"Nothing much, just doing some tanning. You?"

"Same shit different day. I was just trying to get a new song down, but it's a little harder than I thought."

"I heard. It sounded really hard. I wouldn't know how hard it could be 'cause I don't play anything, but it sounds really hard". Rolling over onto her flat-as-a-board stomach and propping her head up in her hands with her elbows on the chair, she extended her fingers up the side of her face in a faux attempt to seem 110% interested in the man stranding before her. She also started lifting and lowering her lower legs, alternating left and right every few seconds. The fact that she put a decent amount of emphasis on the word "hard" didn't help to hide his apparant interest in her body. Deciding that adjusting himself through his pockets would be too obvious, Brian decided to take a seat on the lawn next to her.

"So what've you been up to lately, Jess? I haven't seen you around much at all."

"Yeah, I've been busy with work alot these past few weeks, and any free time I've had to myself has really just been spent running and working out. Gotta watch my figure, ya know?". Brian watched the beads of sweat roll down her neck and disappear between her more interesting features as she talked, the words barely registering in his inebriated mind.

"Yeah, I could watch it all day". A shit-eating grin spread across his face.

"You perv! That's a good way to get your ass kicked", Jess giggled a little bit, yet another one of her teasing tactics.

"Oh really now? I might enjoy that"

"Yeah really! Johnny might not though"

"Who, your boyfriend? What he doesn't know won't kill him"

"I'd still know!"

"He's a piece of shit"

"Excuse me?", she answered, seemingly getting genuinely pissed at this point, raising her right eyebrow.

"I've seen him when he comes home from the bar, drunk as hell and almost smashing up your car in his failed attempts to park straight in the driveway. You know he treats you like shit, right?"

"Yeah, I know, but I love him. I've just been with him for so long it'd be like ripping off an arm at this point."

"Jess, the whole f--king street can hear him screaming at you at 3 am, and that's with the doors and windows closed."

"Really?"

"Really".

Just then, Kevin's car rounded the street corner, the sound of the engine alerting Brian to his friend's approach. As he turned to stumble back to his house, he uttered one last comment to her.

"I hope you know all that makeup doesn't do well enough to cover up your bruises.

27 comments sorted by best / new / date

    Mr.DeadDuck
    Should consider proof reading its extremely hard to follow, the meaning in some of these sentances is unclear at best.
    666WildChild666
    Very good. A few parts were kinda unclear, but definitely good start to the story. I'm interested to here more about this Johnny guy.
    Helloween_rox
    Skater901 wrote: I don't know what half these guys are talking about. I thought it was extremely well-written. The long sentences didn't really throw me off at all. A bit of proofreading would be good, but it's already a helluva lot better than most of the stuff on here in regards to spelling, grammar and punctuation. Story is quite interesting, possibly the most interesting one on here at the moment. I'll definitely be following this one.
    Bad spelling and grammar are one of my biggest pet peeves. I absolutely HATE it when people can't tell the difference between your and you're, and they're, their, and there.
    Krieger91
    Krieger91 wrote: niiice another story to read..good job, it sounds as if it could be ineresting.
    sorry my mistake that didn't come out right..this could develop into something really good, it already is interesting ahah.
    Krieger91
    niiice another story to read..good job, it sounds as if it could be ineresting.
    Disturbed_EMG
    Despite the fact I'm not actually a fan of Behemoth, it's good to see one of these stories mention a band that I find half decent. Classic rock/metal (if it can even be called that) sucks ass! imo, of course.
    Skater901
    I don't know what half these guys are talking about. I thought it was extremely well-written. The long sentences didn't really throw me off at all. A bit of proofreading would be good, but it's already a helluva lot better than most of the stuff on here in regards to spelling, grammar and punctuation. Story is quite interesting, possibly the most interesting one on here at the moment. I'll definitely be following this one.
    The_Raven
    Pretty good start. Hope the flow is better in the next part. Your long sentences don't work great, real mouthfuls. Sometimes words you use don't make much sense (angst? huh?), but I'm sure you'll improve. Also, careful not to overuse words too much..."rather" used TWICE in the same sentence was very jarring. Look forward to next Monday
    Shreddinator666
    Helloween_rox wrote: zeminion wrote: Yes. You go and represent South Jersey. Are you from there? I live near AC Yeah, I'm about a half hour outside philly.
    Haha, same here.
    xStratcatx
    Definitely adding this to my reading list along with Riot Band Blues. Nicely written.
    swordsofplague
    Interesting, I think I'll watch it. Kinda creepy how you can write my bio without ever having met me
    Helloween_rox
    zeminion wrote: Yes. You go and represent South Jersey. Are you from there? I live near AC
    Yeah, I'm about a half hour outside philly.
    Trvekiller
    pretty good, but you use word "rather" way too often, which throws me out somehow
    zeminion
    Yes. You go and represent South Jersey. Are you from there? I live near AC
    SixStringHero
    Love it man. I found it to be rather genius in its own little way, it was more about the minds of the characters than their actions, something more literary works need.
    Helloween_rox
    Wait till part 2, which will be uploaded next week. I got the flow down better, as I hadn't written for a while, and I was told in the pre-upload stages that it's a lot better than part 1. I'll be doing weekly installments which will be up every monday. Thanks for the feedback, everyone!
    theoneandonlyq
    I really like the start this gives. I think I will be adding this to my reading list. I agree with the proofreading thing, but I wouldn't say it's hard to read. The only sentence that really got me was "The fact that all the air conditioning units in the house had gotten fried during an electrical storm a few nights before only compounded his angst, but he was partly to blame for it as much as the 85 degree weather that lorded over his tranquil little part of Southern New Jersey." It's a beast of a sentence and it was kinda clunky. Otherwise, great job!
    Gakbez
    This is actually quite allright for a start, Now I have 3 or 4 stories to follow, with this one too.
    SFosterS
    I like it so far... good start anyway... this guy sounds alot like one of my friends lol
    dr_schnoz
    I'm not sure if it's "extremely hard to follow", but yeah, a little proof-reading mightn't go astray; but I fcken liked it! Looks like its going to turn into a real rock n roll tale
    Skater901
    Helloween_rox wrote: Bad spelling and grammar are one of my biggest pet peeves. I absolutely HATE it when people can't tell the difference between your and you're, and they're, their, and there.
    Totally agree man. Very glad that you're as anal about it as I am.