The Guitar In The Empty Street

Julian is on a deadly mission. He doesn't know that a guitar will step in his way.

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Julian walked over the pack of snow and managed to get in the middle of the empty street. He was wondering. Wondering about what he was about to do. What things that stupid video was making him do. He put his hands in his pockets, and felt the cold gun in his palm.

Marco was going to pay for that mistake. Best friend or not, putting up a video of your friend strip-teasing for the camera is a huge mistake. For weeks, he had been bothered by everyone at school; even teachers looked at him differently. He had been beaten up, almost killed by a gang of seniors. His girlfriend had broken up with him, not wanting her reputation to take a shot. His sister would consistently laugh at him at home. As for his father, well, he just ignored him, as usual. He had nowhere to go but that empty street he was walking on

Suddenly, he saw a brown thing lying on the ground, a few steps down the road. He came closer to it, and realized it was a guitar. It was a terribly bruised acoustic guitar, with a missing B string and many cuts throughout the body.

He looked around. No one in sight. He curiously picked up the guitar. He had taken lessons when he was a little kid. He was forced to stop everything after the tragedy. No more money, his father had told him. He later discovered his father had sold Julian's guitar to a neighboring pawn shop to buy heroin.

Bastard, he spontaneously said.

He strummed a few chords, here and there. He placed his fingers to form a C, a D, an F, etc. He was trying to remember that song, with lost souls in fishbowls What was the name of it? Was it a C? Yeah, and after that there was a D. Then, was it an Am or a G? No, it was definitely an Am. Followed by the G. He began playing the song, even though he didn't even remember the title of it. Wait, he said out loud.

He knew the band's name. Was it King Floyd? Or Pink Crimson? No, he was confusing everything. It was Pink Floyd. Yeah, with that David Gilmour guy, he thought. He was still playing the song, when suddenly:

How, how I wish you were here We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl Year after year

There it was! The name of the song was Wish You Were Here, and the band was Pink Floyd! Memories rushed to his head. He used to play that song over and over again when he was practicing! Now everything was coming back. He could play the whole song! It didn't sound quite good with the crappy guitar, but it was still a magic moment. He played the song one more time, singing the lyrics with passion.

()

He let the last G chord ring. He immediately had a flashback. He was 6 years old. He was playing the song, alone, in his room, singing with a really high voice. His father rushed in. He told Julian that his mother had been killed by a client. The sucker wanted more than what he had paid for, and his mother had refused. The client had choked her to death.

That was why he had trouble remembering the song. He was trying to erase it from his mind, because it would bring back horrible memories of his mother's death. Wish you were here. Exactly

He had nothing left to live for. No family. No friends. Nothing of importance. Why should he pull someone else under with him? He had no reasons of killing Marco. He had all the reasons to kill himself. Why not? Who would notice his disappearance? Certainly not his father He took the magnum out of his pocket and put it to his head, put his finger on the trigger and

Dude, what the f--k are you doing?

Michel Giroux-Burroughs, 2009

12 comments sorted by best / new / date

    BlouPontak
    Mmm. Too much baseless angst before you even feel anything for the character. This could have worked better if you had more body to the story to work these things into. At the moment it feels like you're bombarding us with everything that went wrong in this kid's life, but it's all very abstract to the reader. If you give us more information about the character himself (Though not in a way that feels like being fed info), you would maximise the impact of the crap that happens to him.
    Xeus
    yea its got potential. Take your time with it though, build up a mood n' shiz
    Mack56
    I agree that this story has a lot of potential. The one thing one should remember when writing a story is that pacing is almost as important as the plot itself. It's not a bad story or anything, could just use some better pacing
    Talon_Leader
    good, helps for these to be longer, though. either way, i'll make sure to keep up this.
    Let It Be0o0
    You really rushed into the plot, we barely even know anything about the guy, but I do agree with the others, it does have potential. We know a little of his past but it would be nice to actually know more about his character before throwing in an early plot before it even becomes developed fully.
    metallica4life_
    Let It Be0o0 wrote: You really rushed into the plot, we barely even know anything about the guy, but I do agree with the others, it does have potential. We know a little of his past but it would be nice to actually know more about his character before throwing in an early plot before it even becomes developed fully.
    It was supposed to be a short story, so the story has to be short (was for an english written production, 700 words max.)
    jthm_guitarist
    I would give it a 10 if no one stopped him from shooting himself. Don't sttreeettcchh it out just because you don't have a story planned out. If you do have a story planned out, then make the chapters longer.
    metallica4life_
    jthm_guitarist wrote: I would give it a 10 if no one stopped him from shooting himself. Don't sttreeettcchh it out just because you don't have a story planned out. If you do have a story planned out, then make the chapters longer.
    It was kind of a test, to see wether or not it would be accepted, wether or not I would have good feedback on it, etc. That's why it doesn't look planned out.