UG Story: The Life And Times Of Hugh Gee 4

Part thirteen out of fifteen of the UG Story shows Hugh Gee in the mood for two things: a good party and a little revenge.

Ultimate Guitar

In the fast moving world of the internet, people who are around for years and years are as forgettable as the day of the week when you've just woken up from seventeen hours of sleep. The only way to counter this is to build yourself an e-penis so large that it can be seen from space, because, on the internet, people only recall the e-penis. They can't see your face, your memes have already been done by millions of people; what actually makes you stand out? All news threads have already been made on differing websites based in all different places. Be honest with yourself internet-goer, what makes you special?

A lot of people on the internet are interested in making an impact, and the bigger the better is generally the accepted rule, as with many things. Unfortunately, the methods by which people become popular on the random monitor of somebody who either you have never met or has never been met by anybody, tend to be far from the normal ways in which one becomes memorable. Some surrender to the meme culture, the constant struggle to be the first one who suggests rape and the unending battle to actually be funny when there is no tone whatsoever to your words. Some make an effort to stand out by being different, whether through stimulating intelligent discussion or by inspiring intellectual development. Those few that do not make an effort to hold together whatever website they feel most loyal to.

A lot of people will admit that it's much harder to make an impact online that it is offline. However, this does not mean that either is particularly easy. If we consider the additional consequences that are eternally present in real life, much more so than in the false reality of the internet, you can likely see why making an impact in real life can very easily be a mistake. On the internet, any bad memories are almost instantly washed away in the data stream. In reality, people hold grudges. So many people make mistakes that are forever unforgivable, even if they do not deserve it. Relationships are made and broken purely on the mistakes of the moment.

Some people confuse the realms of false reality with the realms of actual reality. So, jokes designed to swell the growth of their e-penis might slip out in front of a friend, accomplice or potential enemy. Vice versa is barely even slightly effective and, since nobody can remember anybody, you're fairly safe to make friends enemies and enemies into nemesis', but real life is not so pleasant and not so easy a choice.

Hugh Gee, poor and pitiful creature that he was, made a lot of mistakes in his life. Some of these were in an online environment, which meant that they were virtually forgettable and completely unworthy of continued attention. However, some were not confined to the realms of false reality. His biggest and most noteworthy screw-ups typically came out of his mouth when surrounded by either close friends, who accepted them as him just being himself, or people he had not met before, who did not take things all too well. One lasting and unquestionable mistake was pretty much everything that he had ever said to a girl named Sammy.

Some mistakes come back to people. Some do not. Unfortunately, the biggest mistakes almost always do.


This looks like it's just going to be a huge mistake to be honest, Jimmy was saying, no hint of sarcasm in his voice. I mean, I know you don't think things through, but this looks like you've thought up some fantastic idea, decided to reject that and instead work out the most mind-bogglingly stupid thing in the world based on the exact opposite of the brilliant idea you had to begin with. What's going on, Hugh?

Yeah, this does seem a bit stupid, added David, a new, but newly near constant companion to Hugh's usual collection of friends. I don't know any of these people, and I don't think you do either. Besides, haven't you had problems with some of them before now anyway? Seems like it would be a bit dangerous for us, especially for you.

And me too because they know I hang around with you, pointed out Jimmy. If any of them spot me, particularly Sammy or Richard, we've completely had it. It's not safe for any of us to be here, so why did you drag us all along before you even bothered to tell us what was going on. Look at George, he's practically s---ting himself.

No I'm not, said George defensively. I never said I-

Bloody terrified he is, Jimmy interrupted.

He does look a little pale, continued Heather, earning her a baleful glare from George, but a respectful little smile from Jimmy. She paid attention to neither, instead simply turning her head back and forth to watch the expressions of both David and Hugh. Maybe this is a bad idea. I'm more than a little nervous. I've never been to a party like this, and I can't say that I'm stoked about creeping around in the shadows of houses and outside of garden fences watching people inside in dresses and bikinis. I'd be even more scared if I was on the other side. Is this what you always do for fun?

Oh come on, began Hugh with a playful smile. He was watching the scene unfolding through the cracks in the fence, eagerly soaking in the visions of the popular and the elite from his school. This was the perfect party to crash. The guests, the pool, the fashion, the style, everything was perfect for a little bit of revenge that Sammy really had coming by now. He didn't know quite how he was going to do it yet, but he knew that it was something worth pursuing. You might not get another chance like this, he announced happily. This is the party of the year, and not one of us got an invite.

Why would they invite people they don't even like? Jimmy asked in disbelief due to the sheer stupidity of the question. If it was your party, would be go around sending invites to people who aren't even in your year? Let's be honest here, you wouldn't invite people who aren't any fun; that's why George never gets invited anywhere.

Hey, I-

Shut up, George, nobody cares, threw out Jimmy, cutting off George once again.

Wouldn't it be best to just go and do something else? inquired Heather, looking over David and Hugh again. There's a lot of things that would be much more fun that sneaking around and trying to slip into a party unnoticed. It just doesn't sound very exciting to me.

It's really fun though, you just havent really experienced it yet, Hugh whined. He could feel hope of going into the party slipping away, since there was no chance that he would go through the garden gate unless all of them went with him for cover. It's like a lot of things you won't have done. Like it you've had sex, or shot a gun, or used a strong water hose on a big fat guy.

That was an awesome day, said Jimmy with a laugh.

It wasn't that much fun for me you know, began George angrily. I had to-

Shut up, George, countered Jimmy, almost instantly. Nobody cares what you think. I don't get why you even talk sometimes.

Leave him alone, Heather sent back towards Jimmy in barely more than a whisper. You can be a complete ba---rd to him sometimes. Are you like this to all of your friends?

There's another way to be? Jimmy inquired, his expression exclaiming complete bewilderment. This is how you get on with people, isn't it? It's what all the popular people do. Well, that's what I think anyway. Hugh has his own methods for being popular, right Hugh?

Lol, wut?

That's the one, you prick. We going in or what?


Together, the five of them marched, as confidently as possible, through the gate, and moved quickly over to the house. Hugh led the way, with David and Heather following swiftly. George took a little convincing, but Jimmy soon proved more than up to the job. They came last; the least confident of the two and the ones who spent almost the entire time looking over their shoulders to see if anybody was watching them. With all of the major problems somewhere in the house instead of out in the garden, nobody seemed even remotely interested in the presence of Hugh Gee and his accrued attendants, though the nervous gaze of Jimmy and George had a few people looking over with interest.

They split up almost as soon as they entered the house. David and Heather, as fearless as any good guitarist and groupie, moved into the main rooms of the house, where the alcohol was set up for consumption. Hugh, fully prepared to follow and leech off of his friend's popularity, halted almost immediately and backed out when he saw Sammy and her boyfriend locked in a passionate embrace in the corner. Now, without a plan, idea or hope, was not the time for heroics. When he turned around, both Jimmy and George were busily vanishing up the stairs, where there would undoubtedly be less people, and thus less danger. Marvelling at their genius, he followed behind them as quickly as he could.

The ignorance of a group of girls whom were dangling their legs off of the landing made their unoccupied drinks Hugh's property. With all four safely in his hands, all of which were some sort of vodka concoction, he continued to make his way after his closest friends, taking big gulps out of each cup as he did so. For some reason, the concept of becoming blissfully intoxicated seemed incredibly appealing.

He caught up to Jimmy and George just in time to see them peeking through the tiniest of cracks in one of the doorways upstairs. "What are we spying on?" he whispered as obviously as possible.

"The drug part of the party is starting in there," Jimmy whispered back, turning his head only slightly. "Fat Baggs and Ridiculously Fat Baggs are giving this girl all sorts of stuff, and she's completely out of it, so they're trying to get her to strip off."

"Wow," proclaimed Hugh, still sticking to near silence, "Fat Baggs and Ridiculously Fat Baggs with a girl sandwiched between them. Now there's an image that deserves a brand new meme in itself. Almost enough to put you off sex forever, isn't it?"

"About a minute more like," Jimmy answered. "I swear, if those two get laid before I do then I'm going to be really p---ed off. I mean look at them; it's like watching a fish at the mercy of an octopus and a killer whale. You just can't take your eyes off of it."

"How can you call me fat when you go to school with these two?" asked George, finally getting over his nerves enough to join in the conversation.

"Shut up, George, nobody cares," Jimmy answered.

"I brought us some drinks," said Hugh, passing them each one of the cups that he was holding. It was a clever ploy. Next time, one of them would have to get the drinks instead, leaving Hugh free from any chance of coming to harm. They both came away from the door to receive them - the activities on the other side evidently boring them. "What do you want to do? I always heard these parties were great, but that doesn't mean I have any idea what to do except for hiding from people."

"Wasn't the whole point in coming here to get back at Sammy in some way?" asked Jimmy, wearing a puzzled expression to match the query in his voice.

"Yeah, but I haven't got the slightest clue how I'm actually going to do it," Hugh admitted, to little outbursts of laughter from his friends. Aware of how stupid he must sound, he allowed himself to laugh a little, purely at his own idiocy. "You guys have any suggestions?"

The first answer came from an unlikely source, though it would not typically be considered an answer. Though Hugh waited patiently in the hopes that Jimmy would come up with something, it was George who nervously suggested: "Why don't you just grind her family up into chilli and make her eat them?"

This little announcement was met with hilarity from both Jimmy and Hugh. "Listen to him," Jimmy began, between laughing, "trying to be all cool and fit in. It's like he actually thinks he's funny. What a suggestion as well. All the world of comedy available and you pick that. It's hardly even a comic response. What are you doing?"

"And he's going all red and everything," continued Hugh in the same tone of jubilant mockery. "That's because he's embarrassed by how bad that joke was. Isn't that right, Georgey? You know you've just said something really stupid, so now your cheeks are getting brighter. If we keep talking like this then soon they'll be as bright as the sun, isn't that right?"

While Hugh and Jimmy were talking, a rising anger had been drawing itself upon George's face. Despite the redness of his blushing cheeks, a brand new rage was building itself to be released. "You guys are always putting me down," he began, using words strung together like the rumble of approaching thunder. "It's one thing after another, and I-"

"Shut up, George, nobody cares," interrupted Jimmy, laughing briefly once again.

To Hugh's complete surprise, George's reaction was the completely new one of walking away, head held high, as proudly as he could and stamping furiously down the stairs. Now alone but for Jimmy, a curiously nervous silence overlaid the scene until Jimmy broke it.

"I suppose I'd best go and see if he's alright," he stated simply.

"Going to apologise?"


Jimmy left next, offering no further explanation and leaving Hugh to his own devices. He watched his departing friends for a few moments until they were both completely out of sight, at which point a confused stare from somebody who had come upstairs to use the bathroom made him realise just how long he had been standing still and staring into the distance.

The slightly ajar doorway caught his attention, while the view inside demanded his respect without even having seen it. He crept up to the peeking post in what he thought was a stealthy manner, and held his eyeball close to watch what was happening inside.

For a moment, he could swear that he was looking at Sammy herself with her mouth around some length of glass that Hugh didn't care to know the purpose of. However, her hair was too short, her breasts too small and her face too narrow. Besides, other than having an expression of evil generally attached to her face, Sammy was also most definitely downstairs with something else attached to her face. Nevertheless, the resemblance was far too keen to be ignored; this must have been some relation to Sammy, if not a straight up sister.

Almost giggling to himself with glee, a plan formed in his mind so quickly that it was like it had been there all along. Pushing the door open ever so slightly more, he pulled his mobile phone from his pocket and turned on the camera mode. Then, giggles breaking free from his tightly shut lips, he took his first picture of this Sammy look-alike with drugs entering her system, his second of her obviously simpering for the attention of Fat Baggs, but completely ignoring Ridiculously Fat Baggs and his last picture of her looking towards the door wearing an expression of bewilderment.

This was Hugh's first clue that he had opened the door too far. His next clue was that she got up out of her seat and started heading towards the door behind which he was hiding. Near jumping out of his skin when he heard one of the men in the room shout, Hugh immediately made to flee into the deeper rooms of the house. Thinking about it, creeping around outside somebody's bedroom when there were three people in there, camera phone in hand, was more than slightly suspicious in itself.


He made it into the last bedroom in the hope of hiding himself, but whether or not that would last, he had no idea. Desperate to come up with some trick that would fit his sleeve enough to hide it, he continued to rush into the en-suite bathroom and, confused as to why his mind had brought him here, he allowed his eyes to wander until they brought his attention to the kitchen cabinet. He raked through the contents, with no particular target in mind, until he came across a little packet of sleeping pills. Desperate, and hearing footsteps approaching outside of the bedroom, he popped one out of the packet and into his own drink, intentionally dropped the tablets behind the toilet and left the en-suite behind him.

The girl was in the room when he stepped out. Her face told of her suspicions, but also served to act as a reminder of why he had, at first, found Sammy extremely attractive.

"You were spying on me a minute ago," she told him directly. There was no room for error in her words; she was very forceful in her words. Her pupils were also dilated, her eyes wide and her body a little shaky from the top of her head to the tips of her fingers.

"I wasn't," he replied, attempted to defend himself using pure and complete contradiction. "I just came in here to throw up," Hugh continued, trying hard to come up with something that might actually be somewhat believable. "I drink really strong stuff. I bet you wouldn't even be able to handle a mouthful of it."

The look that she gave him upon saying that was so close to the one that Sammy always held affixed to her face that it confirmed the relation for him. She obviously didn't believe a word that Hugh was saying. "I bet I can handle stuff much stronger than anything you've ever even imagined." Her words betrayed the youth of her. Hugh would have been surprised if she had been old enough to have any alcohol at all. "What are you drinking?"

"Something special," answered Hugh, since no quick and easy answer came to his lips as he had expected. "It's new, and really strong, and-"

He was silenced straight away when she brought her hand forwards, wrapped her fingers around the cup which he had placed inside his now empty one, and took it from his hand. She slowly, and very deliberately, lifted it to her lips and took quite a large mouthful. As she handed it back, frowning at him, a feeling of near complete victory overtook every part of him. Any minute now, this girl would keel over and pass out, leaving Hugh the opportunity to run away with his victory and extract his revenge on Sammy by exploiting her family link. If Sammy had brought any relation to herself to this party, her parents would be furious at the sort of thing that she was being exposed to. Likely, they even thought that Sammy was as good as gold.

Unfortunately for Hugh, no pill has ever been quite so effective. As victorious as he was feeling, a single knock on the door extinguished all of those feelings, and the voice of Richard Meyers spelled doom. As it turned out, he'd come looking for Sammy's little sister.



"Quit your whining," replied the voice of Jimmy somewhere near the small of his back.

"Put me on the other shoulder; you're hurting my ribs."

"Bugger off. It's not my fault you got beat up again. Show a little respect for the guy who keeps carrying your fat arse around," responded Jimmy.

"I'm not fat. Have you seen George lately?"

"Hey, this is why I-"

"Shut up, George, nobody cares," said Jimmy.

What had been shaping up to be the most vicious attack of all time had come to an abrupt end when Sammy's little sister had finally collapsed under the exhaustion of drug-based hyperactivity and the little sleeping tablet that Hugh had managed to slip her. Abusing the concern of Meyers as a method of escape was low by anybody's standards, but Hugh wasn't just anybody. He had fled with all of the blood left in his body and collapsed himself some two blocks away from the party itself. Regaining consciousness on Jimmy was not the ideal end to the night, but it was almost ritualistic now.

"Did you get what you were after?" Jimmy asked him, likely checking to see if Hugh was still conscious.

Hugh gave no answer, instead letting consciousness slip away again as the warmth of success enveloped him for what could well be the very first time.

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