You Know You're a Guitarist If...

There's only one way to find out - read this post.

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Enough of that mindless speculation on who's guitarist and who's not. Run through this list below and if you've checked off at least one of its points, there's no mistake - you're definitely a guitarist.

Let's go!

1. You've ever woken up the morning after there was a full moon covered in human blood.

2. Animals have spoken to you about personal issues in their lives.

3. Every book you look at is full of blank pages, even though everyone else just sees a normal book.

4. You've ever woken up to find that your fingernails and toenails have switched places.

5. One of your eyes is actually just a ping pong ball.

6. You hear white noise every time you close your eyes for more than a few seconds.

7. Everything you touch turns to red dust.

8. You've ever woken up to find that your fingernails and toenails have switched places AGAIN.

9. Mirrors show no reflection when you look at them.

10. Pictures of Jesus Christ always seem to be looking at you no matter where you stand in a room.

11. Your echo has ever refused to sound in an act of defiance towards you.

12. Water leaves your throat feeling dry.

13. Every Tuesday you're teleported to an alternate dimension where your grandfather keeps kicking you in your shins, but you can't run away because you don't actually have any legs.

14. Technology ceases to function when you hold it.

15. You spend WAY too much money at Guitar Center.

16. ... you're reading this article on Ultimate Guitar!

31 comments sorted by best / new / date

    Fatewhip
    Hmmm... Fits me. Except number 16. Does that make me not a guitarist?
    lorddahoy
    I took it as lampooning the idea of 'being a guitarist' because of certain things you do and thought it was hilarious
    valrulv
    Excluding a few points, this article doesn't identify a guitar player. It describes a cartel member.
    frederick.royer
    Thanks for wasting my time once again, UG.... I love the tabs but man your articles ares struggling to be pertinent and or just make any sense at all....
    Denjario
    I think the writer got the list for "You might have Schizophrenia if.." and "You might be a guitarist if..." mixed up.
    edubz09
    i seriously just wasted a minute of my life reading this garbage?
    wish2bflying
    Most of y'all seem to be lacking in the humour department. From #1 this was hilarious. Good job.
    Way Cool JR.
    Sorry, I accidentally up-voted. I have a great sense of humor and even I find this absolutely terrible.