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#10721
man wouldn't it be great if life expectancy were 24.5 exactly because then i wouldn't have to worry about tomorrow. as it stands i worry about every tomorrow for the next 53.2 years
will someone carry me across ten thousand miles under the silence
#10722
I hate you, you never fucking listened and we both know it and that's why he's gone, that's why my best friend is currently missing, because you won't fucking pay attention.

-----

I love you little one, we might have fought a lot but I love you so much and please come back, you make every day better. I will miss you when I walk past your bed every morning, I will miss you when I hear your song, I will miss you when I see your cousins, whomInwill look out for at any opportunity, because I love you and I miss you already.
Please come back little one
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#10723
Quote by Baby Joel
man wouldn't it be great if life expectancy were 24.5 exactly because then i wouldn't have to worry about tomorrow. as it stands i worry about every tomorrow for the next 53.2 years


I was like “nah that’d be awful, if only have 2.5 years left” but then I realised I’m actually 23 now

What the fuck is going on?
#10724
I can't even kill myself because I don't want to die a loser and maybe a few people would be a little unhappy.

But sadly that might be the only reason I won't. I always used to get through tough times by thinking there'd be something good at the end of it all but now I know there isn't.

I don't think I'll ever be happy again. I don't know if my life will mean anything but it doesn't look like it will.
I want just a little bit of good luck right now.

I have been really irreverent towards God for years because I felt that He kept dealing me unfair hands and I'd had to fight to get everything I have and I guess I might have thought that I could take whatever He'd bring on through my own brute force, like it was a contest. It's hard to write this because people don't like you to say you believe in God but I always did, even if I felt He was wronging me and I haven't prayed since I can't remember when. But now I have nothing, absolutely nothing and no one, and I really have no hope except that God will make something of my life.

I don't think I'm too bad a person, but I'd been getting proud - almost to the point of arrogance - these past few days. It really feels justifiable when you've felt like a loser all your life and finally you think you've turned everything around and your life will be in order now and maybe you can act the winner a bit. Now it's like getting slapped awake and I realize I'm not really that good or that likeable or interesting and I am still very much a loser, just a loser that was playing pretend. I have achieved nothing. I had no reason to be proud.

I'm in just a lot of pain and maybe some of the damage that has happened is irreparable. Only a miracle could put everything completely right and that's why I really need God right now, and I know I no longer deserve anything after what I used to think about Him, but helpless as I am there's no other way things will ever be right. I was wrong and I was stupid, and I was getting proud, but now I realize how dumb I've been. Being torn between not being able to kill myself and not being able to change how things played out is agonizing.

I'm not even able to cry. I only cried once this year, in May, and it hurt so much that I haven't been able to cry at all since then. Now when I'm in pain it's just this physical pain and worry and it's so bad that I actually wish I could cry but I can't bring myself to.
Last edited by Spinnerweb at Nov 20, 2017,
#10725
Goddammit I love you
I shouldn't but I do and I know this is gonna end in ruin but fucking hell you're just wonderful and amazing and whenever I'm around you I can't help but feel like we'd be happy together and I know you kind of feel the same. And why did he have to treat you so badly and be an egotistical prick? All it's done is made it harder to make you open up to people like me that adore you. And you are beautiful, and you are amazing and you are wonderful and stop putting yourself down, you're a brilliant human being and I wish more people were like you.
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#10727
I don't know where our relationship is going anymore and it scares me.

We met while you were living in London, and after being friends for a year, finally started dating when you only had six weeks left on your visa. When you had to go back to New Zealand, I got a 12 month working holiday visa and came out to join you four months later. Now that I've extended my visa for another eleven months, we've started discussing what we're gonna do after this, and we just can't agree on anything.

You say you don't wanna go back to London, that it took you coming back to New Zealand to realise how stressed out and anxious you were living over there and you don't want to be that person again. That's fine, I completely understand that, I would never try and make you endanger your mental health like that. But you're not keen on going to Australia either, because you feel settled here and don't feel really like moving again. I have to say, it does kinda sting a bit, knowing that I made a sacrifice for you that you're not willing to make for me. I moved away from the place I lived for almost my entire life to be with you, and all you can say to me is that if I really want to go back to London, you won't stand in my way. I really want to be with you, but if we can't find some kind of compromise here, then maybe I'll have no choice.
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.
#10728
i'm fucking done
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#10729
I don't like these waves...
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: Gabriel Fauré


You throw like a girl. A girl who is great at baseball and has a fiery passion for the sport.
#10730
I turned 19 today and the only wishes I got were from a couple of online friends who got a notification about it.

I mentioned to a few people in passing that it was my birthday like when I was writing down the date somewhere or whatever hoping to get wished at least, didn't get any. It made me kinda sad and I would have given myself a birthday treat or something to make up for it but I'm not hungry amd don't have any movies to watch. I guess I'll just stay up late playing guitar today to make the most of it.
#10731
Quote by Spinnerweb
I turned 19 today and the only wishes I got were from a couple of online friends who got a notification about it.

I mentioned to a few people in passing that it was my birthday like when I was writing down the date somewhere or whatever hoping to get wished at least, didn't get any. It made me kinda sad and I would have given myself a birthday treat or something to make up for it but I'm not hungry amd don't have any movies to watch. I guess I'll just stay up late playing guitar today to make the most of it.
Jesus man, that sucks Hopefully it'll turn out to be a happy birthday because people are just organizing a surprise party?
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: Gabriel Fauré


You throw like a girl. A girl who is great at baseball and has a fiery passion for the sport.
#10732
Wolfinator-x turns out not. I don't really care as much as I would have if I was someone else, I'm kinda used to being the unimportant one. I was hoping my friend I told a few days ago would remember though.

I watched a White Stripes concert DVD and now I'll watch a My Chemical Romance one as my birthday treat, so there's that.
Last edited by Spinnerweb at Nov 22, 2017,
#10733
Spinnerweb Well look, it may not be much, but I hope things turn out better than expected for your birthday I'm currently struggling with the feeling I'm the unimportant one in my friend group, so I'm not saying I know exactly how you feel but hopefully it'll help to know we're in a similar boat.
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: Gabriel Fauré


You throw like a girl. A girl who is great at baseball and has a fiery passion for the sport.
#10735
Spinnerweb
Dude I know it's late but happy birthday, I'm sorry your birthday is shittier than mine
At least I hate my birthday
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#10736
They say people never change but that's bullshit, they do.