DiminishedFifth
Absolute Imperfection
Join date: Nov 2008
3,247 IQ
#1
I have another one for you guys :] Though... as of right now it's just an intro really. I still would like to know what you guys think :]

I'd like to know how it transitions and stuff. Whether the different parts work together or not. How good is it mixed as well?

I'll C4C. And i'll update it as I get further in it :]

NOTE: LISTEN IN MIDI NOT RSE. USE HEADPHONES IF POSSIBLE. THINGS SOUND EXTREMELY CLUTTERED IN RSE IN SOME PLACES.

If you're going to listen in RSE, you might have to tweak the settings a bit.

EDIT: Added a verse-like section and the chorus. I would like to know what you think of the chorus... i'm new to those. And just what you think in general.
Attachments:
Ethereal Reality.zip
Last edited by DiminishedFifth at Jun 17, 2009,
Teabag of Truth
Smokin kush
Join date: Apr 2006
521 IQ
#2
I like it, especially the drums. The only thing I didn't like about it was in the last riff. The keys made it sound a little too video game-y for me. Other than that I'm excited to hear and learn the end result.
RIP RICHARD DUNN
Cafas
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2004
897 IQ
#4
The only thing I didn't like about it was in the last riff. The keys made it sound a little too video game-y for me


It could be pulled off very well in a real life situation with the right resources. There are some very good ideas there. Can't wait to hear the finished product.
Maybe U2 wouldn't suck so hard if they stopped preaching and started rocking instead. Of course, that's difficult to do with Pantera holding a near monopoly on all things that rock.
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icronic
...
Join date: Aug 2004
2,638 IQ
#6
Thanks for the crit!

I never know how to crit stuff like this. I love listening to it, but I'm so far out of my element it's not even funny. Anyway, here we go!

Intro was incredibly cool, the bass line was awesome in both rhythm and note choice.

Intro 2, nice little drum bit leading into bar 8, but I honestly just wasn't feeling bars 8-11. From 12 on it definitely picked up though. Really dug the rhythm you were laying down in the 2 bars before the Tension section.

Tension, great keyboard part and great rhythm.

Verse, I wasn't feeling the tempo change, but on it's own I liked the part, that little tap fill on one of the guitars was very cool.

Bridge, didn't like the change, but again own it's own it was a great part.

Chorus, the first two bars had a really great rhythm, but after that I wasn't really into it. I think at this point the excessive arpeggiation, and the lack of any kind of real melody has started to make listening a little tedious.

Still, you had some really unique rhythms going on that were really fantastic, and although it was borderline on being a little cluttered pretty much all the parts gelled together really nicely.
DiminishedFifth
Absolute Imperfection
Join date: Nov 2008
3,247 IQ
#7
Quote by icronic
Chorus, the first two bars had a really great rhythm, but after that I wasn't really into it. I think at this point the excessive arpeggiation, and the lack of any kind of real melody has started to make listening a little tedious.

Still, you had some really unique rhythms going on that were really fantastic, and although it was borderline on being a little cluttered pretty much all the parts gelled together really nicely.

Melodies are not my strong point at all... I can't write a good melody to save my life. My melodies always end up being straight uninteresting 8th/16th notes... they're very boring

And thank you for the crit... the clutteredness i'm working on xD I'm trying to figure out a way to make everything "smoother" right now.
ninja.kitty
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2007
2,340 IQ
#8
Intro - 1 : the keyboards back and forth do sound epic, but i think you dont need to repeat them it think it would sound good if you just did it once, then went straight to the guitar part.

Intro - 2 : pretty much more of intro 1. it sounds cool, but it gets old after awhile imo.. do something fresh. and you should slowly unpalmmute the notes in 11. it'd sound like a good buildupish thing

Tension! : this part sounds cool with the keyboard parts, and the stuttery guitar in the background. i like it

Verse-ish : im not a fan of progressive, so this part just didnt do it for me...

Bridge : the key parts were nice in this part

Verse again : this sounds better with the keys over it. it gives some sort of a melody over the madness it seems

Chorus : this sounds like final fantasy :P i like it though.

sorry ,that was probably a horrible crit. i never listen to progressive metal, so alot of my biasness is thrown in there. dont be too offended :S i really like the key parts though
Quibokk
Kiwi
Join date: Apr 2009
894 IQ
#9
Sorry, I took forever to get to one of yours...

You have some very interesting ideas, but sadly they get old a little too fast. Like you've said, melody isn't your strong suit, and your liking for straight 8ths or 16ths really takes it's toll on the listener.

The arpeggiations throughout the whole thing were probably the worst offender. They were fine to start off with, but got old very fast.

Rhythm guitar in the chorus felt perhaps a little too stilted.

I agree that the piano at the very start really doesn't need another repetition.

I wasn't a huge fan of 47 to 48 - the dissonance there I felt was too much, even for this song. Somehow, it didn't feel controlled, like the rest was.

Anyway, that's all me being harsh - it's easier than being nice...

But seriously, it was all fairly decent, it just suffered from... variety, I guess. Try to free the listener from static rhythms in the lead/melody - it can get very tiresome. Variety within sections would also be a good help. You have a very strong skeleton to work with, however - just keep polishing it.

Not sure if you want like a rating or anything, but meh. I'd give it probably 7 - 7.5/10.

Btw, I've just put a new song up, if you're interested... link is in sig.
DiminishedFifth
Absolute Imperfection
Join date: Nov 2008
3,247 IQ
#10
haha yeah, I realized it was stale too. And I was never too fond of the chorus; I just kind of put it there.

I'm making some changes according to what ya'll are saying (which I agree with!) to add some variety. I've pretty much discovered i'm more of a rhythm player than lead, so i'm tryin to hide the stale-ness while adding some easy melodies over the top of my (complex) rhythms.

Added my update (without a chorus this time) into the OP.
Progbass92
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2008
1,295 IQ
#11
I really like this a lot. I think the stuttering 16th patterns are good, but remember to add more variety to your rhythms later in the song. I

can't really say much more about it, but it really is a good start. I can't wait to hear the final product.
Burning_Angel
Valar Morghulis
Join date: Jun 2006
2,379 IQ
#12
I like this, alot. I love me some Cynic, and this reeks of Cynic.

The only part I didnt like was when the keys took the lead in the middle, they sounded like a video game and were annoying. They didnt quite seem to mesh with the rest of the song so far.
DiminishedFifth
Absolute Imperfection
Join date: Nov 2008
3,247 IQ
#13
Thank you both of you :]

I'm working on coming up with some good rhythms and stuff right now (as well as some leads for a good chorus!) and trying to spice it up. Did the arpeggiation get annoying towards the middle of the song or did I "use it wisely" now?

And Burning_Angel, where are you talking about? The 5/4 measures? If that's the part: I dunno, I really like that part... it allows a smooth transition into the verse.
StewieSwan
Decent User
Join date: Feb 2009
5,012 IQ
#15
Intro is soooo goofy. I can't take this seriously, lol.
I take that back. This whole song is goofy.
26 is pretty cool. I'm liking the guitars and the bass.
Cool guitar outro, but ends in a strange place.

I didn't really like this tbh, because I'm tend to prefer melody over dissonance. It's well-written, but just not my thing.

I'll still give it 7.5/10 for originality.
666atheist666
Carl6661
UG Freak
Join date: Oct 2007
2,096 IQ
#16
this all sounds really odd to me. the piano at the begining was cool, i dont see why there was a seperate track for half-step lower though. why not just transcribe down a 'fret' (not that there are frets on a piano but yeah).

woahhhh, that chord when it came in. that's, a little too much dissonance even for me.

the part at bar 7 didn't really flow but it worked. bar 11, i liked what the rhythm guitar did there. it didn't sound as sour as that chord did at first. the time signature changes all flow nicely aswell.

tension was good. didn't really flow, but this is prog after all (the only prog band i like it DT, so i'm not expert when i say this); i suppose to an extent that's good for the genre. synth solos aren't my cup of tea. the strings/keys fill out the sound alot, which was good.

it ends really suddenly, i presume this is a work in progress?
so far, 7/10 - could use work. but prog isn't something i listen to alot of, so take this crit' with a pinch of salt.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
Last edited by Carl6661 at Jun 25, 2009,
bsoates
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2005
3,520 IQ
#17
Intro 1: I liked how the two piano parts played off each other. Though that open B note ringing was creating a dissonance that I feel takes away from the part

Intro 2: The doubling, string-skipping parts reek of Cynic. But I love Cynic, so that gets a thumbs up

Tension: I dont really like the drop off lead notes at the beginning, but that may just be a personal preference. I also feel the second piano riff (the last one before the tempo change) sounds too me like its not a smooth transition, like maybe you need to add a few notes at the beginning and change the time signature accordingly.

Verse/Tempo change: This again reeks of cynic, but I also like it I also like the atmospheric keyboards in the background, gives it a new, kinda gothy vibe.

Bridge: I really dont know what to say specifically here, but I think it was very well done; great transition from the verse.

Verse: I think the ending is nice, I like how it resolves and isnt dissonant. I also think the sweeps in the background are a nice touch.

Overall its nice, but I think it could use some more melody, to make it more like a "song" if that makes sense.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1151729
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CaRveItiNbass
doesn't even play bass
Join date: Oct 2005
917 IQ
#18
Wow. That was goddamn intense. Like Symphony X with Dream Theater... And some ecstasy for good measure. Very interesting. Makes any attempt I make at prog looks futile. But since you have gp, you're welcome to take a look anyways. The only thing that comes anywhere close to such a genre is my song The Weathering. You can find it under a blog in my profile called SONGS C4C.
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Avedas
yoloswag420
Join date: Nov 2007
673 IQ
#19
Wow, those double note Cynic-esque riffs!

Bars 1-7 I wasn't a huge fan of. I was sick of the arpeggios after the first two keyboard parts which worked, but it should have stopped there.

Bars 7-10 were probably the best part of the beginning. Really reminded me of Age of Nemesis. The bass was a fair complement as well.

Bars 11-14 reminded me of Final Fantasy. That part isn't really necessary, but it sort of flows into the "Tension!" section.

Bars 15-16 The way the keyboards came in was cool, but I'm not sure I like the couple lead notes over it.

Bars 19-20 The consonance in the keyboard riff and the dissonance in the guitar riff really made this part not work for me at all. It sounded like one of the odd Circus Maximus riffs that just don't fit at all but they keep it in the song for some reason.

Bars 21-24 were quite good, I liked them a lot. It would have been nice, however, if you had varied up the rhythm on 23 and 24. Bar 25 was a creative way of ending it.

Bars 26-33 Those sweeps need to go away! Maybe even the keyboard too. I muted those two tracks listening over it and I think it sounds a lot more refined and mature.

Bars 34-37 again, great guitar riff. Loved that, not so much the keyboard arpeggios.

Bars 38-44, as with the previous verse, sounded better with the keys taken out. Solid riffs on the guitars.

Bars 45-46 Not sure what you were doing to end this... I didn't really like it. I'll just leave this assuming it is an incomplete idea.
EpiExplorer
orsonfacenospace
Join date: May 2008
5,558 IQ
#21
Quote by bloodshed344
So, I never gave you the critique I owe you. Still want it?


YOU BEST BE TROLLIN.
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
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dylan.mcinnis.5
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2013
11 IQ
#22
Quote by EpiExplorer
YOU BEST BE TROLLIN.

I'm really not. He gave me a huge review and I was supposed to crit back but I didn't because I'm lazy.

Oh wow, just realized Im signed into UG with facebook, horrendous! This is bloodshed344 here.
DiminishedFifth
Absolute Imperfection
Join date: Nov 2008
3,247 IQ
#23
Quote by bloodshed344
So, I never gave you the critique I owe you. Still want it?

Nah it's all good. If you wanna crit one of my newer(/est) pieces you can, but you'll have to dig through my threads to find it.

I'm not worried about it too much
pAWNlol
master of the diddly-doo
Join date: Sep 2012
2,990 IQ
#24
that riff at measure 38 was quite sexy, and the riff at measure 21 was pretty cool. not fond of the intro though, a little too slow for this song's feel. the rest of it was pretty damn cool too. proggy as ****

sorry i cant give a better critique, this kind of spazzy prog metal isnt really my favorite
DiminishedFifth
Absolute Imperfection
Join date: Nov 2008
3,247 IQ
#26
Quote by |_JR_|
did you ever finish this song?

I did at one point, but I lost the file a couple months ago. It had some pretty good parts, but nothing to write home about

EDIT: If you're interested (don't bump it... I have MUCH better songs that could be bumped) here's the thread with the finished product.
Last edited by DiminishedFifth at Aug 27, 2013,