Stonesatreyu
UG Long time lurker
Join date: Aug 2004
827 IQ
#1
All stricken souls turn up to the sky
The valley of stars is burning bright
Our lonesome golden sun has lost the fight
Our daughter Luna flares the light

It's the beginning of the end
Drop to you knees and count your sins

The diamond dust that lights our journey home
Fades to ash beneath the roar
of luminescent heart's that immolate
the end of all that's gone before

It's the beginning of the end
Drop to you knees and count your sins

from prophecy to supernova
there is no fate escape nor shelter
in tidal flames we'll crack and blister
so dance til your dead now little sister
beneath the waves of bliss we'll pass through
the end of light and dark and time
to stand on virgin ground and begin again
to break the circle that dragged us down

we are the coming supernova
we are the witness and the crime
we are the midnight dawn in winter
we are the birth and death of time

we are the first and last together
we are the flesh that cannot die
we are freedom called forever
we are the truth that crossed the line

we are the gold inside our eyes
we are the gold inside our eyes
we are the gold inside our eyes
we are the gold inside our eyes
Last edited by Stonesatreyu at Sep 13, 2011,
prankpeter
Banned
Join date: Sep 2011
10 IQ
#2
A supernova is a stellar explosion that is more energetic than a nova. It is pronounced play or supernovas. Supernovae are extremely luminous and cause a burst of radiation that often briefly outshines an entire galaxy, before fading from view over several weeks or months. During this short interval a supernova can radiate as much energy as the Sun is expected to emit over its entire life span. The explosion expels much or all of a star's material at a velocity of up to 30,000 km/s (10% of the speed of light), driving a shock wave into the surrounding interstellar medium. This shock wave sweeps up an expanding shell of gas and dust called a supernova remnant.
LasseRef
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
21 IQ
#4
Cool.
Im totally into science so this speaks to me.

Maybe you dont wanna use soul twice in the first vers and dust twice in the second, unless its intentional. Just a thought.

All in all - nice job

/L
Stonesatreyu
UG Long time lurker
Join date: Aug 2004
827 IQ
#5
oops nah lass i was drunk when i slapped this up both those were unintentional heres the edit
merriman44
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2008
857 IQ
#7
Quote by Stonesatreyu
All stricken souls turn up to the sky
The valley of stars is burning bright
Our lonesome golden sun has lost the fight
Our daughter Luna flares the light

It's the beginning of the end
Drop to you knees and count your sins

The diamond dust that lights our journey home
Fades to ash beneath the roar
of luminescent heart's that immolate
the end of all that's gone before

It's the beginning of the end
Drop to you knees and count your sins

from prophecy to supernova
there is no fate escape nor shelter
in tidal flames we'll crack and blister
so dance til your dead now little sister
beneath the waves of bliss we'll pass through
the end of light and dark and time
to stand on virgin ground and begin again
to break the circle that dragged us down
"So dance til dead now little sister" flows better to me. Also, through doesn't really add anything except space, breaking the flow.
we are the coming supernova
we are the witness and the crime
we are the midnight dawn in winter
we are the birth and death of time

we are the first and last together
we are the flesh that cannot die
we are freedom called forever
we are the truth that crossed the line

we are the gold inside our eyes
we are the gold inside our eyes
we are the gold inside our eyes
we are the gold inside our eyes


I really like this piece. It's a cool idea. The repeating lines are fantastic. However, I'd go through your first stanzas and eliminate needless words. They detract greatly from the flow of the piece and it makes it more difficult to stay immersed. Nice work gent.

Crit Mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1482486
Stonesatreyu
UG Long time lurker
Join date: Aug 2004
827 IQ
#8
All the words on the first sections are actually perfectly in sync with the melody lines i have for them, except for the very first line which i do need to change, but thanks anyway