Page 108 of 108
#4281
ye. Good luck with the problems you're dealing with. Just because you have your own issues doesn't invalidate anything you've said at all though.

I don't really know how to help myself because everything I've tried hasn't really been very effective. Some of the techniques that therapists use to point out irrational thoughts are also irrational in their own logic. For example, if emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion, then why is 'fake it till you make it' a technique practiced by therapists?

If feeling that you are a terrible person makes you a terrible person and that such thinking is considered irrational, then why don't therapists bat an eye at the sentiment that if you believe you are confident, you become confident? They both use the same mechanism to work, so what makes them mutually exclusive?
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Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Feb 9, 2015,
#4282
well, I personally definitely vouch for the 'fake it til you make it' saying, though I don't know any of the psych studies behind it or whatever. If you constantly force yourself to get out of your comfort zone, doing anything really for that matter, you will eventually become a natural.

Like playing guitar and wanting to be really good >>> wanting to learn harder songs >>>>> needing to practice more until you eventually are really good. not really a good example

Like I used to be THE quiet, 'antisocial' kid in highschool classrooms that pretended to sleep in most classes (which teachers didn't have a problem with as I would pass). Eventually I got fed up with it, and in college I'd participate in classroom discussion-based classes to try and get the ball rolling if nobody else spoke, and eventually you lose that anxiety of wanting to speak out/comment/challenge something, and it just feels like its the real you now.

Its definitely corny when people do the fake shit you see in an effort to be 'real' (my biggest problem with Canada's shittiest sensation: the rapper Drake), but eventually it just becomes you ("I'm the man now and up on top cuz I'm rich and people bump my music" or whatever lol)

I don't know anything about that "emotion = cognitive distortion" or whatever though Almost makes it sound too mechanical and labeling, like happiness is a feeling of unease, but is good so we don't 'treat' it (some paraphrase another UGer posted in another thread not too long ago)
.
#4283
'Fake it till you make it' is used in forms of accredited behavioral therapy. Such as CBT and hypnotherapy. I know this because I've been to NHS clinics and private hypnotherapy sessions that use that technique. Its just not named that colloquially.

The way it works makes sense. But if psychologists have this rhetoric that cognitive distortions such as emotional reasoning are irrational and therefore should not be believed, then they're hypocrites. They condescendingly tell me that they know my consciousness better than I do. The irony.

If you want to read up on emotional reasoning, you can look here. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_reasoning

A lot of psychology studies can be made to sound condescending and labelling and that's why people on the internet often pretend to be psychology experts.
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Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Feb 9, 2015,
#4284
nice nice, will look in to

lol@a person thinking they could know you better than yourself. But true, its always good to get an analysis/less 'biased' 2nd opinion I suppose. Psych has been greatly interesting me since ~October-ish, so definitely don't know enough about it, but at the same time yeah, 'expert' is loose term as even the licensed guys might not be up-to-par in research/continuing education/whatever.

Never had an actual therapist though, so yeah, talking a bit out-the-ass . Just something I've noticed at my old internship with having to help a person correct things that another CPA terribly messed up, or whatever
.
#4285
If anyone really calls themselves an expert, even the 'experts' themselves, they're liars. Nobody is an expert.

In terms of what is considered irrational thought patterns, 'cognitive distortions' are a good place to start. In fact there's a detailed book that is primarily aimed for patients, that tries to lower the symptoms of psychotic disorders through educating psychological principles. So if you're keen in learning the fundamentals, this book is excellent. I'll give you a link. It's very cheap to buy.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C

I'm only 2/3 the way through it since its like 700 pages and covers many types of conditions.
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Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Feb 9, 2015,
#4286
Damn, that's a lot of pages But added to da reading list Just so much stuff I gotta read beforehand, though, for school and others And got this as Jung's philosophy just seems very interesting to me, but studies got me going everywhere at the moment:

http://www.amazon.com/Portable-Jung-Library/dp/0140150706/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1423508509&sr=8-1&keywords=Jung+viking+library


They do say a minor in psych is great for accountants though, but thinking I'm gonna be done with school after these 3 last classes Always good to pursue other stuff that interests, though
.
#4287
Oh god i'm ****ing wasted

I don't even understand why. I suffered from onsomnia last night and couldn't sleep until 5am, and when I did managed to sleep, I woke up at half 8, ever an hour late for university, and i feel like my brain has melted. My eyes are constantly burning and are all bloodshot.

I knew and my body knew that I had to be awake for half 7, and I gave myself enough time to rest. But I never got any sleep.

I left uni early because I just cannot concentrate long enough to get any work done.

I am so ****ing frustrated with myself I wouldn't know what commitment was if I was hit by a bus with the word written on it.
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#4288
I love my nan. She's been a wonderful grandmother and looked after me for a large portion of my childhood. But at 85, she has Alzheimer's disease.

It doesn't surprise me all that much given her age, but as a family trying to cater to her needs it's becoming more and more frustrating and impractical as time goes on.

She forgets things that have happened, she remembers things that have never happened, she sometimes forgets who we are, she sometimes thinks she's having conversations with people who have died 40 years ago. She thinks she is being kidnapped even though she is in her own home when the only person that's there is her son, Paul, trying to take care of her. She keeps falling over and knocking herself out and she keeps getting lost when she goes outside.

Every time this sort of thing happens, one of our family has to come around to her house to see if she is okay. And because of the distances we have to travel and the jobs we all have to do, its becoming more and more impractical as she needs us more frequently.

Just this lunch, she called me on my phone asking where I was because she thought I had arranged to meet her in town. When in reality, I was at University having lunch, having never made such plans.

And then there have been huge arguments over who gets POA. My mum's bothers hate one another, and have different ideas as to what is best for her and they both want that power. So nobody can agree who gets it, and neither brother is willing to cooperate for a joint POA. They're fighting not in the interest of Nan as it should be, but for themselves.

I need a hug. I love her dearly and I just want what's best for her, but I cannot always be there for her support anymore.
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Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Mar 3, 2015,
#4289
Alzheimer's is insidious. I lost my grandmother that way, too. The only thing I can tell you, advice from a memory care nurse, is to laugh when you can.

Individuals with Alzheimer's will lose inhibitions much the way people who are drunk do, and sometimes they will say hilarious things, although it might be rude or inappropriate. You make the most of the time you've got, embrace it and laugh.

That helped us out somewhat.

Always remember who she was and don't expect her to be that way again. She is who she is now, and if she's lucid today, then great. Tell her you love her. Give her a hug.

If she says, "I love you, too," it might be the last time. Whatever stupid shit is happening in your life, your job, anything at all will just be crushed under the immeasurable weight of the fact that your grandmother is here, and able to hold your hand, or smile.

You have that, which is something.

And take time for yourself. It's not selfish. If you've had enough then leave if you can. Do something you enjoy. Have a drink if you're of age. Like in the little airplane thing, "place your own mask before placing it on your child." You have to make sure you're okay. Always keep that in mind.
#4291
Yeah, she sometimes does say things that are grossly inappropriate, but she was like that before the Alzheimer's began. She never caught onto the concept of political correctness. Not that she means harm to anyone though.

I don't want to think about the last time she says that she loves me. That is the greatest fear I've ever had, saying goodbye to the people I love, knowing that its the last time. I hate that more than death itself. Thinking about it makes me want to puke.

And I cannot afford to grieve right now. This is my final year of my final semester of my degree. If I grieve, it will completely disable me. My nan looked after me like a second mother in my childhood. My mum would take me to her house at least twice a week when she was busy with work, and my nan and I would spend an entire afternoon playing with only a handful of toys. We made the most of them though.

I remember when I was really young when I built a ship out of duplo blocks because I knew we would be going out on a ferry later that afternoon. I would play with a few toy aeroplanes and she would join in with me. She taught me the first card games I had ever learned, she took me out on walks all the time to the market. We planted tomatoes and blackberries in the greenhouse in the back garden, nearby the giant birch tree in the center of the field. And we napped on the swing chair if it was sunny outside.

They were humble activities, but they made a significant portion of my early childhood. They are a part of my identity. And the person I shared those moments with going away feels like a loss of that identity. I'm going to miss her so, so much. God it is so painful.

I need a hug.
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Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Mar 3, 2015,
#4294
The world around me is falling apart. I'm sick of doing the same thing everyday and being unable to vary it at all, my parents are fed up with me and I haven't got any friends.

I really, really need a hug right now
Last edited by Pastafarian96 at Apr 24, 2015,
#4296
I know some of us are probably very, very busy and stressed out with coursework and exams, but I just want to wish good luck to whoever reads this and I hope that everything will go well for you.
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#4297
So I've contemplated suicide twice over the span of two weeks. First one was a message I got, and I just kept spiraling down. Last one was this saturday, while visiting the girl I really like. Was told that she was pregnant, and later that evening everything came crashing down. She is funny, sexy as hell, and we both like gaming and watching movies, as well as thouroughly enjoying each others company and having a good friendship. All that changed for me on saturday. I feel completely lost, and thanks to a few friends I managed to get through saturday night, yesterday and today. Until this point. Now I'm down in the dumps, and I'm not sure how I can get out of them.

Even seeing her name hurts, but I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I feel angry at her. Someone else has done what I wanted to do for a year now. Why wait so long you may ask? Because she was in the middle of a divorce and custody trials, and I didn't want to do anything that could make things difficult for her and possibly jeopardize the outcome of the trial. So foolishly I waited, and in so doing spoiled my only chance at happiness.

If none of this makes any sense, it's because I've eaten 3 cookies and barely drunk anything at all today, so my brain is running on fumes. Add into the mix a 45 minute skate and 1 hour of judo, and you have an idea of where I am mentally right now. Sleeping is almost a no go, as I lay awake contemplating all the what ifs and things I could have done differently.

So if anyone feels like giving me a hug right now, it would be much appreciated, while I go to bed and may or may not leave it tomorrow.
#4298
This thread died off. I hope things are better Johnnysd
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#4301
agggghhhhh stressed af. between summer school, part-time job and an internship I barely have time to breathe. too tired to feel anything, even depression, which I know is waiting for me when I finish two of those things in the next 2 weeks. not sure why but my friends and i aren't talking or hanging out like we used to, and i'm so fucking lonely during the rare moments of downtime that i actually have.

therapist is identifying my problems without really providing solutions. frustrated.

thinking about taking up boxing next year to relieve this shittiness forreal
#4302
Quote by Pastafarian96 at #33368249
The world around me is falling apart. I'm sick of doing the same thing everyday and being unable to vary it at all, my parents are fed up with me and I haven't got any friends.

I really, really need a hug right now

I remember this



I hate that part of my life so much now

Quote by chaoticfables at #33717965
agggghhhhh stressed af. between summer school, part-time job and an internship I barely have time to breathe. too tired to feel anything, even depression, which I know is waiting for me when I finish two of those things in the next 2 weeks. not sure why but my friends and i aren't talking or hanging out like we used to, and i'm so fucking lonely during the rare moments of downtime that i actually have.

therapist is identifying my problems without really providing solutions. frustrated.

thinking about taking up boxing next year to relieve this shittiness forreal

Last edited by Pastafarian96 at Dec 7, 2015,
#4303
Can anybody help me how to quit pornography for life here?
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#4305
I just had a panic attack for no discernible reason on the day I've been looking forward to for a week. I always feel so shit after nights out, so worthless. Sam Cooke is helping
#4306


I used to be a regular in the older hugging threads! Time to bring this shit back!
#4307
This situation has been really fucking shitty for the past few months..And I'm still feeling sad as hell. But, the fact that I know there is someone is kind of a relief. Honestly.What happened was, I've been friends with this girl for a while now.In November, I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half..The relationship was intense, she was madly in love, the break up was even more intense, and I had spent the last months of the relationship wishing I was single.Anyway, after we broke I was finally (aaaah) single, and she spent 3 or 4 months in an obsession over me, driving me up the wall. Proper psycho stuff.A couple of months after I broke up, this girl moved back in to town as she graduated, and we started spending a lot of time together.During this time together..I started growing more and more attached. And I fucking hated myself for it (this started happening in March, roughly)And a load of confusion arised. Why? Because I didn't want to make a move, though I liked her, because I had recently broken up and it didn't seem like a smart move.I, stupidly, didn't want to tell her, or make her understand it, because I though that it would just complicate things.So, what I did was, I kept it inside, tried to fight it, never told anybody, for months, got more and more angry at myself for feeling it and not being able to control it, obviously we kept in touch, seeing each other, etc. I started developing a load of complexes about myself, looks, personality, lack of life experiences, I started feeling as if I wasn't on par with her or anybody in the world, etc.All the while, trying to fight this..it's literally been a poison I've had inside for ages.So, as you can imagine, now that I've found out that for her there is someone...I'm kind of relieved, deep inside. It's there, it just has to come out. Relieved, because it gives me an excuse to just back out and not think about it...I mean, if I never had an intention of making a move, why did I even care? Don't know.But yeah, we met up at a party, were kind of drunk, and had a long chat about it, I told her, explained my feeling and now it's out there.I wanted to make sure it wasn't reciprocated, and she said it wasn't. I asked her if it ever was and she paused and said no (I swear to god I saw her pause, but it was either my drunken mind making it up or something)Now, I'm sad as fuck. Because, obviously, I really really like her. She asked what she should do, and I asked her to just stop getting in contact with me for a while. No texts, no coffee, no FB, no nothing. She said she hates to because she's really attached to me (imagine a really really closed girl who never tells anyone anything and has opened up to me in the past about some things regarding her family history), but that she'll do it.Not hearing from her for a while, I should recover slowly. Her not existing should help.Sorry about the rant but I'm pretty sad about this and needed to vent. I've kept all of this inside for the past god knows how many months, thinking that, seeming that I'm undecided on making a move, that I should be able to control my feelings for her. Nope.
Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise
#4308
Hey guys, i need a bit of help. Haven't posted in a very long while, just kind of lost interest with the board, but i hope you're all doing well.

I am stuck in a rut. I recently turned 26 and I feel like I'm trapped in the situation I'm in. I have been working in retail for the past year and a half or so, and I've got to the point that there is absolutely nothing keeping me there. I feel underappreciated, underpaid, and unmotivated, and recently I have considered handing in my notice on more than one occasion, and the only reason why I haven't is because I think that unemployment would make me even more depressed. The problem is, i have no idea where to go from here; the safest option is to go for a teaching course, as i have a degree, and have a small amount of teaching experience. It'll be a two year course, and would (hopefully) end in a job that would be rewarding and pay well.

The problem is, I am overthinking this to the point where I think

A) What if i can't get onto the course?
B) What if i get onto the course and decide that it's not for me half way through?

The worst part about this is, when I break it down, I know it's stupid and that I should just go for it, but i need to to find a way to get over my anxiety. I think one contributing factor is that a lot of my friends are in jobs that they enjoy, and are earning significantly more than me, and I feel like I should be at this stage with them. One of them is doing something that, if teaching wasn't an option, I would go into that field, and i have been applying to entry level jobs for that kind of role, but so far, hearing nothing back. All of this is making me feel like if i do the teaching course, I'd be taking another step back, while everyone else is moving forward.

If someone could give me a bit of a pep talk on that, i'd really appreciate it.

Another problem is, I have really strong feelings for one of my best friends. We met a few years ago, and hooked up shortly after meeting, but it didn't really work out. We fell out of contact for a little while, then started speaking again about a year ago, and I'm really not sure what to do about this. I keep going between feeling like I can't stop thinking about her, and then coming to the conclusion that if anything were ever to happen, it might be really weird. I don't know if she feels anything for me, and if she ever did, i think that she'd rather keep it as friends. I've been in this situation with someone else before, and I keep telling myself that I should just get over her and appreciate the friendship, because if it were ever to become more, it would have happened by now, but every time I think I'm over it, I find myself besotted with her again.

I might be feeling this way because I'm not interested in anyone else at the moment, and I'm hoping that when I do meet someone I like, I'll get over my feelings for her.
WHOMP

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
#4309
Quote by donender
Hey guys, i need a bit of help. Haven't posted in a very long while, just kind of lost interest with the board, but i hope you're all doing well.

I am stuck in a rut. I recently turned 26 and I feel like I'm trapped in the situation I'm in. I have been working in retail for the past year and a half or so, and I've got to the point that there is absolutely nothing keeping me there. I feel underappreciated, underpaid, and unmotivated, and recently I have considered handing in my notice on more than one occasion, and the only reason why I haven't is because I think that unemployment would make me even more depressed. The problem is, i have no idea where to go from here; the safest option is to go for a teaching course, as i have a degree, and have a small amount of teaching experience. It'll be a two year course, and would (hopefully) end in a job that would be rewarding and pay well.

The problem is, I am overthinking this to the point where I think

A) What if i can't get onto the course?
B) What if i get onto the course and decide that it's not for me half way through?

The worst part about this is, when I break it down, I know it's stupid and that I should just go for it, but i need to to find a way to get over my anxiety. I think one contributing factor is that a lot of my friends are in jobs that they enjoy, and are earning significantly more than me, and I feel like I should be at this stage with them. One of them is doing something that, if teaching wasn't an option, I would go into that field, and i have been applying to entry level jobs for that kind of role, but so far, hearing nothing back. All of this is making me feel like if i do the teaching course, I'd be taking another step back, while everyone else is moving forward.

If someone could give me a bit of a pep talk on that, i'd really appreciate it.

Another problem is, I have really strong feelings for one of my best friends. We met a few years ago, and hooked up shortly after meeting, but it didn't really work out. We fell out of contact for a little while, then started speaking again about a year ago, and I'm really not sure what to do about this. I keep going between feeling like I can't stop thinking about her, and then coming to the conclusion that if anything were ever to happen, it might be really weird. I don't know if she feels anything for me, and if she ever did, i think that she'd rather keep it as friends. I've been in this situation with someone else before, and I keep telling myself that I should just get over her and appreciate the friendship, because if it were ever to become more, it would have happened by now, but every time I think I'm over it, I find myself besotted with her again.

I might be feeling this way because I'm not interested in anyone else at the moment, and I'm hoping that when I do meet someone I like, I'll get over my feelings for her.

I know this was a month ago but if you still interested I do have some kind of advice. Life is too short to let fear conquer you. I have anxiety issues to but I have force myself to push though a lot of my fears. The only way to conquer it is defeat it. Going to class at 26 is not taking a step back. It is taking step forward. I am 26 as well man. I am going trade school and working in the field to become an electrician. If I can do it man, you can do it, Follow your dream. About the friend, take a shot in dark man. Me and my wife dating in high school, it didnt work out. Later in life when we were 21 we started dating again and married. You have to fight anxiety to beat it.
"For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."- John 3:17

Living Dry bones Blog
#4310
I normally wont double post but is there any of the old Hugging Threads regulars out there? The page use to be so full of life, and I have been able to check in more often and start wondering how yall are doing?
"For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."- John 3:17

Living Dry bones Blog
#4311
Quote by Blackwaterson89
I normally wont double post but is there any of the old Hugging Threads regulars out there? The page use to be so full of life, and I have been able to check in more often and start wondering how yall are doing?

Holy shit I haven't seen you in a while dude. I'm 20 now and in the 3rd hugging thread I was 13, how weird is that lol? The last 7 years have been pretty nuts, ups and downs, from suicide attempts and drug abuse to an extremely amazing point in my life I've been in for the last year or so. How about you?
e-married to Jack (bladez)
#4312
I am doing good. I am electricial appertince working on getting my card. I been married for 4 years. I am glad you are doing better man. I remember posting to your stuff back then.
"For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."- John 3:17

Living Dry bones Blog
#4313
I'm an electrical engineer working for Bentley. I've got a strong income and my position in the business means that my input into the way things in the business work actually makes a difference. Life is really hard and scary at times, but the fact that I've lived through it tells me that I'm a lot more capable a person that I had myself believe.
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#4314
I feel horrible. I want to cry so bad for no reason. I woke up at 4 (it's almost 9 now) feeling this way. I want to take a nap but I can't sleep. It's going to be a long day.
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.
#4315
Quote by Blackwaterson89
I know this was a month ago but if you still interested I do have some kind of advice. Life is too short to let fear conquer you. I have anxiety issues to but I have force myself to push though a lot of my fears. The only way to conquer it is defeat it. Going to class at 26 is not taking a step back. It is taking step forward. I am 26 as well man. I am going trade school and working in the field to become an electrician. If I can do it man, you can do it, Follow your dream. About the friend, take a shot in dark man. Me and my wife dating in high school, it didnt work out. Later in life when we were 21 we started dating again and married. You have to fight anxiety to beat it.


Thanks for the reply dude. I didn't even see this until recently but here's an update on where I'm at.

I handed my notice in at work. It might sound overdramatic but the only way I could describe it was a feeling like i was in a bottomless pit of frustration, depression, and anxiety for what the future might hold. I know it's not good to quit a job unless you have something solid lined up, and a few times I did feel like I was throwing in the towel, but I think my wake up call was when i realised that the frustrations I was feeling was affecting how I treat people outside work. I felt like the only way to take control of the situation I was in was to call it in and take time to sort out what I actually want to do.

I know people say that kind of thing if they are in difficult, emotionally taxing jobs, and I wouldn't compare my job to that at all, but like I said, the work, while easy, was frustrating.

I'm trying to get over my anxiety, or at least learn to live with it, because while I feel like I have made some progress and had some breakthroughs, I'm not sure the job is completely to blame for how erratic I've been. It doesn't just affect my career choices, but like I said, it affects my social life, in as much as I can overreact to certain things (if you want me to go into it I don't mind, but I don't want to make this post any longer than it needs to be) in the heat of the moment, then look back on it and feel ashamed or upset about what I've done. I'm honestly considering getting help but I don't know if it's a case of simply being oversensitive or actually having a psychological problem.

Back to the subject of jobs- still have a few weeks before I am officially done with it, and I'm taking this week out to take a break and decide on the next step. It's most probably going to be teaching, hopefully through both agency work and guitar tuition. I'm going to keep myself open and apply to other things, but the guitar tuition is definitely good work if you can get it, or if nothing else, a bit of extra cash.

I'm glad i saw your reply to this when I did, because while your reply in itself was helpful, I read back on my original post and it made me remember the mental state I was in at the time, and in a way, made me feel stronger for making a choice.

In regards to the friend, I am mainly focusing on getting over her. As I said before, I go between really liking her, and just seeing her as a friend, and really I feel like unless I was completely certain that she felt the same way, it's probably more trouble than it's worth. Trying to rationalise that in my head and seperate my emotions from the situation is just a step i've gotta take.

Sorry for the rambling post, but yeah, thanks for the reply. Hope all is working out for your course, dude.
WHOMP

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
Last edited by donender at Nov 12, 2016,