Erra93
erriuyai
Join date: Nov 2009
1,682 IQ
#1
Song is pretty much done! (v6) Now with bass!

And I love it!

PS. If you've got tips on which VSTs I could use for instruments other than guitar and drums, please do share!
Attachments:
fet mentalcorelåt.gp5
fet mentalcorelåt v3.gp5
fet mentalcorelåt v4.gp5
fet mentalcorelåt v5.gp5
fet mentalcorelåt v6.gp5
Last edited by Erra93 at Oct 15, 2012,
Samhuinn
Beyond Birthday
Join date: Oct 2010
952 IQ
#2
Please let me keep this memory, just this one ..
j-falafel
The Lesser of Two Evils
Join date: Dec 2009
541 IQ
#5
That may be the best picture of onions I've ever seen. It makes we want onions. And I hate onions.
Originally Posted by Azbats63
I'm the only white guy in a band in El Paso. My bandmates call me El Diablo Blanco. They tell me it means "trusted friend."
Erra93
erriuyai
Join date: Nov 2009
1,682 IQ
#6
I felt like this deserved to be worked on again, so I added drums
Ometh
UG Addict
Join date: Oct 2009
3,911 IQ
#7
What the fuck at the first post
Also whoomit on T&C? What is this I don't even
Quote by slapsymcdougal
I'm cockblocked regularly by my appearance and personality.
frankibo
UG Board King
Join date: May 2007
3,093 IQ
#8
I really hate that guitar drone in the intro, maybe it sounds better in really life?
The drums are annoying too. Loving the rhodes and piano though.
Just sounds like an absolute mess when the guitars come in. Stop with the cymbals on every 8th beat, it's unnecessary, every 4th beat would be fine here. Also not sure the open chords add much to it, I see what you went for but I'd prefer just the chugging. The lead is decent but nothing special.
I can see why you stopped working on it but it's got potential, have another go at it?
My songs are all located here .
Feel free to drop by and crit a song.
Leave a link and I'll return a crit



Colossus
Erra93
erriuyai
Join date: Nov 2009
1,682 IQ
#9
Quote by frankibo
I really hate that guitar drone in the intro, maybe it sounds better in really life?
The drums are annoying too. Loving the rhodes and piano though.
Just sounds like an absolute mess when the guitars come in. Stop with the cymbals on every 8th beat, it's unnecessary, every 4th beat would be fine here. Also not sure the open chords add much to it, I see what you went for but I'd prefer just the chugging. The lead is decent but nothing special.
I can see why you stopped working on it but it's got potential, have another go at it?



Haha, this song was never supposed to be good in the first place, pretty much a "sick new song", but thanks to your critique I tried to actually make something of it!

I've changed a lot of things, added a little, it should definitely be a lot nicer to listen to now!

Can't say I'm too sure about the pizzicato strings though, they're just something I could hear in my head so I figured I'd add them at least I'm happy with the song as it is now

Thanks again btw!
Last edited by Erra93 at Oct 10, 2012,
frankibo
UG Board King
Join date: May 2007
3,093 IQ
#10
Loved the intro, the pizzicato really added to it.
The chug is fine, but there's just something I don't really like about it still.
Lead is cool, it'd be nice to see where you plan to go after this though.
My songs are all located here .
Feel free to drop by and crit a song.
Leave a link and I'll return a crit



Colossus
Erra93
erriuyai
Join date: Nov 2009
1,682 IQ
#11
Quote by frankibo
Loved the intro, the pizzicato really added to it.
The chug is fine, but there's just something I don't really like about it still.
Lead is cool, it'd be nice to see where you plan to go after this though.


Thanks! I get what you mean, it just doesn't sound right, lol, mainly everything after the first bar of chugging, I'll rewrite it and upload a new version!
Yeah, I'll try to work on it a bit more but I've got 2-3 other songs I'm working on too so we'll see when I find inspiration for this one

Okay, got it done! Got so sick of the chugging, I just couldn't get it to sound less retarded.. so I tried to do something Born of Osiris inspired, atmospheric chugging or whatever, and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out!

(v4)

I'll start working on new parts for it now!

Edit: Will add the bass when I'm done with the rest of the song!

Edit 2: Don't expect it to actually sound like Born of Osiris, haha.
Last edited by Erra93 at Oct 11, 2012,
Erra93
erriuyai
Join date: Nov 2009
1,682 IQ
#12
I've uploaded what I consider to be the final version, I think I'd go so far as to call this one of my better songs.

Hope it's not too generic, I thought the outro solo starting at bar 121 was pretty tasteful

Not too sure about the "transition" from 104 -> 105 though..

PS. If you've got tips on which VSTs I could use for instruments other than guitar and drums, please do share!
Last edited by Erra93 at Oct 15, 2012,
Objekt
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2011
256 IQ
#13
Wow dude that was quite a track! I can picture this as an ambient metalcoreish song. I love the choppy chugs and the leads were superb you also have an unconventional sense of melody which is great. Conversely it sounded like it lacked melodic direction at certain parts specifically the intro and the beginning of the distorted guitar parts otherwise a gerat song dude keep it up!
amonamarthmetal
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2008
1,808 IQ
#14
The intro is nice, but I don't think it really fits as an intro to the song. Thats all I really have to say, everything else was fine. The last five bars by themselves sound like an Erra riff.
Gear:
Dean RC7X (Bareknuckle Coldsweat pickups)
Ibanez Rg2570Z (Bareknuckle Juggernaughts)
Schecter KM-6
Schecter Hellraiser Hybrid 7 String
Engl Powerball II
Orange PPC412
Line 6 Pod HD500X
Erra93
erriuyai
Join date: Nov 2009
1,682 IQ
#15
Quote by Objekt
Wow dude that was quite a track! I can picture this as an ambient metalcoreish song. I love the choppy chugs and the leads were superb you also have an unconventional sense of melody which is great. Conversely it sounded like it lacked melodic direction at certain parts specifically the intro and the beginning of the distorted guitar parts otherwise a great song dude keep it up!


That's what I was going for although it probably didn't show, the chugging parts were partly inspired by BoO haha
Not entirely sure which melody/melodies you would consider unconventional, but thanks
Ah yes, the intro and most things before the first clean part is rather off.. but it makes enough sense for me to like it enough to keep it that way
Might change things up a bit before recording though, we'll see!

Quote by amonamarthmetal
The intro is nice, but I don't think it really fits as an intro to the song. Thats all I really have to say, everything else was fine. The last five bars by themselves sound like an Erra riff.


I agree about the intro, however, I feel that once I get to recording, I'll have it make more sense also, thank you!
guitar_jew
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2009
974 IQ
#16
So I'm listening to v6- I'm liking all the layering instruments- everything comes together nicely. The ambient riff at 105 (I know it comes in earlier, but that's where I saw it when I wanted to point it out as I was listening) is beautiful- I'm a sucker for that I-iii progression.

The solo at the end sounds good, but it's hard to hear through the wall of sound. As far as leads go, I also prefer more a more fusion-y style.

Listening again- I actually really like the chugging. The triplets add a lot to the rhythm you've got going. Despite being in a rather conventional key, the melodies don't really come off as too generic, which is what I expected just from looking at the tab. On my second time through, though, the transition to 105 felt awkward- too sudden.

C4C? www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=30406738