MobiuZ
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
1,119 IQ
#1
Heres a new song that ive been working on for a full month now , im really happy with how it turned out , its written in Dropped E.

Its a song about WW1 mostly from the perspective of a soldier living his life on the frontline

this is also my first attempt of writing lyrics to a song , alltough im not done with it and ill update it as i write new stuff for it so id like to know what you guys think of it .

Enjoy. C4C


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

( Verse ) 0:16

In Flanders fields where the poppies blow
Between the crosses high, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky the larks
still bravely singing, fly Scarce heard

amid the guns below.
We are the dead. Short days ago
We lived, and saw the sunset glow , along the lines
In Flanders fields.


( Verse 2 ) 1:05

Take up our quarrel with the foe
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die


( Verse 3 ) 1:23

And if he gets to heaven,
To Saint Peter he will tell,
One more soldier reporting sir,
I´ve served my time in Hell.

Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields we die


( Verse 4 ) 1:52

Now Let me take you back to that time and place
A time of endless killing , a world in disgrace

Where many gave there lives so we can be free
o whas it all for nothing , o please god tell me


( Break ) 2:11

Why !!


( Verse 5 ) 2:19

living on the frontline , say a prayer before we die
Bloated war-torn bodies , lie dead beneath the mud and rain

mustard gas and wailing shells , even trenchfoot takes its toll
innocence is hard to find , o please take me home


( Chorus ) 2:34

So it begins , All hell breaks loose
The charge has commenced , In the face of despair

Death claims the land , and smoke fills the sky
Let there be light , In these darkest of days


( Chorus ) 3:18

Into the fray , the trench filled with blood
Over the wall , and we crawl through the mud

Please take me home , to the place i belong
In flanders fields where we will die , i sigh and wonder why


( Verse 6 ) 3:56

As the sun comes up in the east
And the days go by , just like the breeze
Where my road will go , i dont know

All i know is that i must go
and fight , and charge , one last

( Bridge ) 4:20

Time

( Chorus ) 4:58

I see my friends die , and i hope they will find
The peace and the love from the heavens above

My time has come , and im ready to die
Soon ill go home , to the place i belong

I fall on my knees , and i burst into tears
With a pain in my chest , and the blood on my hands

I gaze up to the sky , and i say my goodbye
as i sink into the mud , i hear the angels cry

( Outro )

?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Flanders Fields For NON GPX Users
Attachments:
In Flanders Fields.zip
Last edited by MobiuZ at Aug 11, 2012,
Emperor's Child
Isn't It?
Join date: Mar 2008
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#2
A lot of people are going to have problems with that gpx file.

EDIT: like me
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Last edited by Emperor's Child at Feb 7, 2012,
davyyy
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2011
87 IQ
#3
No problems with gpx files here.

This is really good though, you really get a feeling of a war or a battle from the overall sound of it. The chorus riff is paticularly interesting, thats a cool dorian-esque chord change, it adds to the battle sound. It would be cool if you could put the vocal melody though, I was wondering how the lyrics would fit in to it. And the drop E tuning is an interesting choice, why did you choose to make the song in that tuning?
But its a really cool song overall, its nice to see different kinds of music being written on here other than prog/tech/black metal lol.
MobiuZ
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
1,119 IQ
#4
Quote by Emperor's Child
A lot of people are going to have problems with that gpx file.

EDIT: like me


For those who dont have GP 6 can download the mp3 in the link in my opening post

Quote by davyyy
No problems with gpx files here.

This is really good though, you really get a feeling of a war or a battle from the overall sound of it. The chorus riff is paticularly interesting, thats a cool dorian-esque chord change, it adds to the battle sound. It would be cool if you could put the vocal melody though, I was wondering how the lyrics would fit in to it. And the drop E tuning is an interesting choice, why did you choose to make the song in that tuning?
But its a really cool song overall, its nice to see different kinds of music being written on here other than prog/tech/black metal lol.


i find the vocal melody/timing extremely hard to do for some reason so this is basically all i can show as far as lyrics go

and i chose the tuning because i wanted to try something different and i stumbled on some nice chord combinations so i decided to write a song in Dropped E

i might write everyting in Dropped E from now on as i really like the cinda sound it has
Last edited by MobiuZ at Feb 7, 2012,
Life Is Brutal
Master of Modulation
Join date: Jun 2008
3,873 IQ
#6
You're using a lesser used (And seemingly inferior) Version of GP, and no one really wants to listen to just MIDI/MP3.

Dude, I'm having trouble even getting the MP3, thats probably why you're not getting any crits.

Yeah, I can't figure this thing out.
Last edited by Life Is Brutal at Feb 13, 2012,
Emperor's Child
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Join date: Mar 2008
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#7
Quote by MobiuZ
Bump . since no one is returning crits -_-
Yeah, I have done crits for at least 5 people who haven't returned crits, even when they have C4C in the OP or title.



EDIT: I'm too lazy to download stuff but it's definitely not just you, and if people have problems with it they should have the courtesy to say so.
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Last edited by Emperor's Child at Feb 13, 2012,
Life Is Brutal
Master of Modulation
Join date: Jun 2008
3,873 IQ
#10
Quote by MobiuZ
you should scroll down once clicked on the link and select slow download on the bottom right ( scroll down on the download page ) i dont get how its not working :S someone please reply if this works or not ty.


I did, and the DL still wouldn't work.

How about this, I'll give you some crit advice when reviewing your own works.

Analyze if its any good fundamentally. Essentially, if someone who had never heard this kind of music before, if they could appreciate it on some aspect.

Then, analyze the theory behind it if possible, and make sure everything adds up in a theoretical sense. It doesn't have to make "Sense" Necessarily, but everything should add up. This also applies to the "Flow" of a song, if the theory doesn't correspond correctly, chances are something will sound strange/off putting.

Obviously you're allowed to break theory however you see fit, but its a good way to objectively view the sound.
Emperor's Child
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Join date: Mar 2008
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#12
Ok, listened to the MP3 file (obviously works then)

Clean intro, no complaints here other than maybe the acoustic guitar is a little distracting from the rest of the piece.

Starting at 0:54, wasn't sure about this at first but changed my mind when 1:04 kicked in, and moreso when the strings entered. I'm not sure about the transition into this section but the piece itself is rather nice. Guitar kicks in and the piece builds up - no complaints here either.

Not sure about the transition at 2:10, either, but again this section was also rather good, although it really started to shine at 2:34 - I can feel the "epic" now. Solo comes in, a good move.

quieter section is a better transition than the earlier ones, and generally good tbh. Maybe the build up could lead to something more but the outro is also good.

So really, the main issue (imo) is some of the transitions. That said, I'd really like to see a tab of this now. The acoustic-y parts especially keep me interested.

So... C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1516733
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DeathRidder
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2010
51 IQ
#13
I liked this, especially chorus riff, it is awesome, and I like the way your distortion sounds in gp6.
RiseAgainstScum
%user
Join date: Feb 2009
119 IQ
#14
I like the general feel that I'm getting from this song. And the song is great overall, so I'll just write the things which I don't like.

The string stay there too long in the first time they're in. It'd be better if they would stop when the distortion ends. But they don't feel that useless at the outro. I too have noticed that something's on with the transitions; but nothing major.

The lyrics are also great so all I've got left to say is good job!
I listen to mostly anything, except country and rap.
MetalCommand
Registered User
Join date: Mar 2007
988 IQ
#15
Intro is quite nice, fades in gently. Starting at bar 30 it starts to get that epic feel to it. Very cool when the distortion guitars come in, nice riff! Chorus is excellent, pretty epic again and feel a slight folk metal feel to to the song. Like the bridge as well, all the different sections fit together well. Outro is quite nice as well. Overall, I think it's excellent; some good ideas and all put together with some skill.

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1520851
Rokkstar
Guy
Join date: Feb 2011
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#16
This sounds so... like... 70s-90s? I love it. The riffage that I would do with that alternating picking on the two note chord.... You make it perfect for this track. (STarting at 8). GP6 is lame. But you do good with it. 30 is something I would write.and that melody you put in at 38 is like ~~~ if you get my drift. Verse 3 is BADDD. Dude. I could imagine like the most amazing high notes right here. It's like ~~~ ;D. the recurring melody after that verse is bad too. It's still keeping it fresh too, which is just what I'm lookin' for! Break definitely feels like 70s-90s... DUnno why dude. Don't ask me. But it is. OKAY? I see "Chorus," and I'm already excited. Here it comes... :3 Yeah, you hit the spot with it man. Solo... Let's hear it. AT this point, I feel "Green Grass and High Tides." lol. or Skynyrd. Any inspiration? Maybe that's what it is dude. lol. and the Chorus with the recurring melody is jizztastic dude. ahmg. That Break freshens the whole song up too! I like fresh. if it wasn't fresh... what would it be? Gotta be honest though.. Skipped over that bridge, didn't like it. <;| Sorry. 203 was a great way to start ending the song. The drums aren't bland even though they're just ti-ti-ti-ST. I like it. Good / great song. The bridge. I just had a problem with near the end dude. 8.5/10

Crit4Crit? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=29181600
TehDutchDude
I'm really Dutch.
Join date: Oct 2009
995 IQ
#17
Hey man, I listened to it in Gp6.

I'm.. very impressed. Loved it, really. The entire tune has a very special ambiance, feeling, whatever you want to call it. Really liked it. The chorus is really nice, really got my heart pounding faster. I never really listened to Iron Maiden, but this song still reminds me of that band, haha.

Also, your tab is the first tab that actually makes GP6 shine. Until now, I always regarded it as a sort of bull**** version of GP5.

Oh, and I live very close to Flanders. Probably half a mile or so. Edit: Could be Wallonia (is that what it is called in English?) as well, I am blissfully unaware of where Flanders ends and Wallonia begins. Shame on me!

I just noticed it's you again MobiuZ. I really like your style of songwriting, haha. Let me know if you ever get to recording something! I've got something for you to check out: my latest song. In midi, haha.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1521308

God, second edit, I'll stop now, promise.

And if he gets to heaven,
To Saint Peter he will tell,
One more soldier reporting sir,
I´ve served my time in Hell.

Where's this from? I'm pretty sure I heard/read this before somewhere.... Is it from a video game, by any chance?
Yeah
Last edited by TehDutchDude at Feb 21, 2012,
MobiuZ
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
1,119 IQ
#18
Quote by TehDutchDude
Hey man, I listened to it in Gp6.

I'm.. very impressed. Loved it, really. The entire tune has a very special ambiance, feeling, whatever you want to call it. Really liked it. The chorus is really nice, really got my heart pounding faster. I never really listened to Iron Maiden, but this song still reminds me of that band, haha.

Also, your tab is the first tab that actually makes GP6 shine. Until now, I always regarded it as a sort of bull**** version of GP5.

Oh, and I live very close to Flanders. Probably half a mile or so. Edit: Could be Wallonia (is that what it is called in English?) as well, I am blissfully unaware of where Flanders ends and Wallonia begins. Shame on me!

I just noticed it's you again MobiuZ. I really like your style of songwriting, haha. Let me know if you ever get to recording something! I've got something for you to check out: my latest song. In midi, haha.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1521308

God, second edit, I'll stop now, promise.

And if he gets to heaven,
To Saint Peter he will tell,
One more soldier reporting sir,
I´ve served my time in Hell.

Where's this from? I'm pretty sure I heard/read this before somewhere.... Is it from a video game, by any chance?


hey man how you been thx a lot for all the praise on my song

and yes it might be familiar to you as the first part of the lyrics are from a WW1 poem wich inspired me in the first place to write a song about it ( In Flanders Field Poem ) allthough i slightly edited it to my own taste.

and ill check out your song tomorrow

Quote by Rokkstar
This sounds so... like... 70s-90s? I love it. The riffage that I would do with that alternating picking on the two note chord.... You make it perfect for this track. (STarting at 8). GP6 is lame. But you do good with it. 30 is something I would write.and that melody you put in at 38 is like ~~~ if you get my drift. Verse 3 is BADDD. Dude. I could imagine like the most amazing high notes right here. It's like ~~~ ;D. the recurring melody after that verse is bad too. It's still keeping it fresh too, which is just what I'm lookin' for! Break definitely feels like 70s-90s... DUnno why dude. Don't ask me. But it is. OKAY? I see "Chorus," and I'm already excited. Here it comes... :3 Yeah, you hit the spot with it man. Solo... Let's hear it. AT this point, I feel "Green Grass and High Tides." lol. or Skynyrd. Any inspiration? Maybe that's what it is dude. lol. and the Chorus with the recurring melody is jizztastic dude. ahmg. That Break freshens the whole song up too! I like fresh. if it wasn't fresh... what would it be? Gotta be honest though.. Skipped over that bridge, didn't like it. <;| Sorry. 203 was a great way to start ending the song. The drums aren't bland even though they're just ti-ti-ti-ST. I like it. Good / great song. The bridge. I just had a problem with near the end dude. 8.5/10

Crit4Crit? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=29181600


thx a lot man , and yes i do like me some skynyrd i listen to a lot of different music ( bob marley , infected mushroom , soilwork , maiden , skynyrd ) and a erything in between so yeah i draw inspiration from a lot of different styles/bands
Last edited by MobiuZ at Feb 21, 2012,
TehDutchDude
I'm really Dutch.
Join date: Oct 2009
995 IQ
#19
Quote by MobiuZ
hey man how you been thx a lot for all the praise on my song

and yes it might be familiar to you as the first part of the lyrics are from a WW1 poem wich inspired me in the first place to write a song about it ( In Flanders Field Poem ) allthough i slightly edited it to my own taste.

and ill check out your song tomorrow


Thanks. Cool that you used an actual poem for this project, I think it worked out great! Still, that poem was featured in some sort of video game some time ago.... Dang, I just can't recall which game it is! Hate that feeling xD I've been great, becoming more and more addicted to guitar as the days pass... haha.
Yeah
Garb
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2005
1,776 IQ
#20
Well, I can't open the GPX, and I can't get the thing to download... Freezes at 15seconds for me..

:/
Sorry bruh.

You should be able to export the GP file as GP5 and/or 4, though... That might just be the easiest solution.
MobiuZ
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
1,119 IQ
#21
Quote by Garb
Well, I can't open the GPX, and I can't get the thing to download... Freezes at 15seconds for me..

:/
Sorry bruh.

You should be able to export the GP file as GP5 and/or 4, though... That might just be the easiest solution.


hey man , thats weird , the download works now since some people got it to download.
and i will not be exporting this to gp4/5 since the whole feel of the song dramatically changes and wont represent the way i made it to be anymore

try this link and tell me if it works
Garb
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2005
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#22
I downloaded Internet Explorer and got it to download through that. Guess one of my add-ons was stopping it.

I don't actually have anything to critique... it's very nice. Very epic sounding. It sounds like you did your job well. :]
synestershadows
UG's Misery Signals Fan
Join date: Jun 2007
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#23
I like this a lot. Starts out really chill and then keeps building up. I'd like to hear the sped up clean part sound more like something like This Town Needs Guns (if you've never heard of em I highly recommend them. math rock.).

I really like the whole build up into the distorted guitars. That riff right before it slows down is sweet. Just wondering, is this gonna be an instrumental or do you plan on having vocals? It has sort of a Scale The Summit vibe to it.

Keep it up dude!
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MetaIronForce
ULTIMATE-DISNEY
Join date: Oct 2009
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#24
I liked the clean intro. You can kind of picture the fields as its playing. It's got that feel to it

2:12 That tempo change transition to the distortion wasn't quite smooth enough. The riff you change to is pretty neat.

2:35 Another slightly jarring tempo change. But I do like this new section. Has that 'war' feel to it and kind of reminds me of Iron Maiden, which is a good thing.

Solo - Pretty good. The fast lick stood out most to me, and it was pretty awesome

Afterwards - Yay, you brought that lead riff back again. I like the way you use the harmony on these sections.

Clean section - Pretty good. Nothing stands out particularly. The clean guitar added a nice touch alongside the acoustic guitar

4:21 - This lead riff starts off with that epic feel, but there's absolutely no variation in it whatsoever. The lead plays the exact same notes repeatedly. The variation in the background instruments slightly makes up for this.

Main Lead Riff again - Still good

Clean Outro - Nice way to end the song. Was that random dead note noise at the end intentional? :P

Overall, It was pretty good. Definately has that epic Iron Maiden vibe to it. If it had vocals singing those lyrics you posted it would be even better, and would smooth out the small wrinkles. It's slightly repetitive at times, but that probably because it was designed to have vocals on top.


And now for the shameless C4C request. Could you crit 'Inspired By You' in my sig?
Musical Theatre! *jazz hands*


...what am I doing on this site...
Last edited by MetaIronForce at Mar 4, 2012,
MrDo0m
Blessed Sisyphus
Join date: Jun 2011
772 IQ
#25
Hey, thanks for the crit. Just got done listening to the track. I quite like it. I love the clean intro and all the other clean sections throughout, and the ambiance is a really nice touch. The chorus is pretty epic sounding. This whole song gives me a "going into an epic battle" kind of vibe. I had some issues with one of the guitar tracks not playing when starting from the beginning, so I thought that from the break to the end of verse 5 had drug on too long (as it was just drum and bass), but playing it back from that measure, the guitar track came in and actually didn't sound like it drug on as the guitar kept it interesting. All in all, great track.
metalhead983877
UG Member
Join date: Mar 2011
1,423 IQ
#26
Bars 0 to 29: Relaxing but kind of epic at the same time, I like it

Bars 30 to 53: I started to get the feel when the clean melody and the ambient track kicked in. Before then, it was quite "empty"...

Bars 54 to 61: Didn't quite like it, but was not bad in general.

Bars 62 to 78: it was pretty much the same thing as 30 to 53, but it sounded full with all the tracks.

Bars 79 to 94: I really liked that rhythm, nice!

Bars 95 to 103: Didn't like the lead guitars, but everything else was good.

Bars 104 to 123: That solo was really good man! Good job!

Bars 124 to 135: See Bars 95 to 103

Bars 136 to 143: Nice solo, and I love those chords on the acoustic guitar :P

Bars 144 to 178: Nice melody and nice rhythm

Bars 179 to 198: See bars 95 to 103

Bars 199 to 217: From 199, it was long for the clean guitars to kick in, but after that, it was really nice!


Overall, I'd give you a 8/10. You did a really good job, but it's not perfect. And I don't think that any song is perfect haha.
Ayy there
ChemicalFire
King of Bacon Pancakes
Join date: Oct 2007
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#27
Thanks for the crit.

Now I would crit this but I don't have GPX and the download website you're using wants me to make an account before I can download it. Can't you just export as midi from GP6 and upload that direct to UG?
All I want is for everyone to go to hell...
...It's the last place I was seen before I lost myself



Quote by DisarmGoliath
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MobiuZ
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
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#28
Quote by ChemicalFire
Thanks for the crit.

Now I would crit this but I don't have GPX and the download website you're using wants me to make an account before I can download it. Can't you just export as midi from GP6 and upload that direct to UG?


oh didnt know u had to regsiter in order to download , well that sucks

anyway i uploaded it to soundcloud

In Flanders Fields
ChemicalFire
King of Bacon Pancakes
Join date: Oct 2007
5,774 IQ
#29
Ah, awesome, I'll take a look

The intro invokes a sense of tension, it's a shame that midi guitars suck so much, else this would sound awesome.

There's a lot of emotion in the clean guitar parts at the start it's really awesome. I'm not sure if it evokes World War 1 for me though. Doesn't stop it being good though. I'm not sure whether the intro drags on a little too long perhaps, though if you're gonna have some nice melodic vocals in there it won't matter at all.

When the distorted guitars come in, personally I find it less interesting that the clean parts, though you still have some epic melodies in there (that's just personal preference).

This isn't really the kind of metal I really listen to that often, but I can certainly hear the quality in there. It really needs some vocals on the top but this is a really solid backing.

I really like the clean parts and I think they are well written, the distorted parts are still good and the solo is pretty bad ass, but in my opinion the build up is better than the pay off.

Might have something to do with the midi though, the mix of midi and reverb kinda makes it sound like something from the 80's. A production style I wasn't a fan of
All I want is for everyone to go to hell...
...It's the last place I was seen before I lost myself



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Last edited by ChemicalFire at Aug 11, 2012,
kylendm
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#30
I'd crit it but its in GPX so I can't open it.
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MousseMoose
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#31
That was very, very good! I don't generally even like that music, but I still could really appreciate this song. I can't really say what I didn't like, so I'll just point out what stood out to me.
*The changes in tempos were really trippy, I loved them!
*That solo was super solid.
*I really liked how the background guitar in the beginning there kinda kept a constant beat.
Great job!
Last edited by MousseMoose at Aug 13, 2012,
GS LEAD 5
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2007
4,966 IQ
#33
This reminds me, on so many levels, of Iron Maiden's Paschendale.

There are some lovely melodies in there. Some of the acoustic melodies have this Oriental y feel to them, which I really dig. The lead is kinda short, there's space to make a big shreddy bendy 80's style lead there. Chorus sounds epic, its so totally 80's NWOBHM it makes me want to head bang if youre willing to move away a little from the 80's feel there, you could add a djent style kick drum rhythm there, as in the kick and the rhythm guitars play at the same time- no kick during rests, and kick whenever a chord or note is hit on the guitar. Would add a lot of attack and force to it.

As for your lyrics, hell even those remind me of Iron Maiden listening to your track while reading them, I can almost imagine Bruce screaming along to the choruses.

Great work, overall. Love the way you brought out that 80's vibe while still sounding fresh.
Zaqq
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2011
1,019 IQ
#34
Let the admins forgive me bumping this old thread (November 2012, heh? ), but as MobiuZ asked, C4C!

First of all, your song really reminds me of Iron Maiden. And after reading this thread, I noticed I'm not the only one who noticed that But I love Iron Maiden!

Interesting idea about the tuning, but I'm not sure how you're supposed to tune your guitar/bass without breaking the strings I like the arpeggios you put in there, simple, but effective. And I really love the solo guitar solos and riffs! I've always wanted to use something like that for my stuff too, but in my song you've critiqued I almost didn't used anything like that.
Maybe I only disliked the bass. Hearing this IM-vibe I imagined some Steve Harris playing, but it's pretty simple overall. But still it works!
tritao
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2011
177 IQ
#35
Awesome song.

Bars 1-16: Clean and nice emotion provoking melody
Bars 17-29: Bass is smooth
Bars 30-53: Loved the high-pitch accoustic here, very beautiful
Bars 54-61: This transition did not feel very natural for me here
Bars 62-78: Very beautiful verse
Bars 79-95: The change in tempo threw me off for a bit, feels a bit unnecessary
Bars 96-103: Lovely melody here
Bars 104-123: Wow, what an awesome solo
Bars 124-135: Solid chorus
Bars 136-151: Nice natural break, loved the accoustic
Bars 152-178: Melody here is awesome
Bars 179-198: See above
Bars 199-203: These 4 bars seem a bit unnecessary
Bars 204-216: Nice clean outro, especially like the slowing tempo at the end

Very inspiring song, another one to add to my favorites from this forum.