Amuro Jay
Join date: Apr 2006
8,209 IQ
I wrote this on the spot on tumblr back in the winter and it was just featured in their featured prose tag (where the staff and editors pick out the best ones they want to feature on the site) so I figured I'd share it with UG. Also, it doesn't really have a title so I put that just for the sake of this thread.

There’s nothing more frightening than the feeling you get when you hit the breaks yet you fail to stop. The only thing sicker than your stomach is the sound of your car sliding sideways at an unnatural angle. You forget how cold it is outside, or how much effort it took to get your car to start. Where you were headed doesn’t matter anymore.

While the world slowly revolves around you, you catch a brief glimpse of the cautious. They stopped long ago. The two guys next to each other have their emergency lights flashing at the exact same speed, but in the back of your mind, you know they’ll be out of sync in a few seconds. You know that you could have been right there with them. You know that you could have been behind them if you weren’t in such a rush. But you like to get ahead of yourself, don’t you? Yeah, you do.

It’s at this point that you realize you’re travelling backwards at roughly the same speed you were a mere few seconds before when you thought you were in control. You’re in for the ride now. Pray to your god if you believe in one, but you’re better off just sitting back and accepting your fate.

The sound of your wheels being completely useless feels like wet sandpaper on your teeth. Right now, anything sounds better. You welcome any obstacle in your path, not so you can conquer it, but so you can bow to its will as your carriage compresses into a heap of mangled metal. Glass breaking. Steel twisting. Anything sounds better than the sound of you being so helplessly out of control.

And just as you check your rearview to see where you’re headed off to, the impact of your vehicle hitting another makes your heart skip a beat or two. All of your guilt hits you with the same force as you ponder the consequences of your own stupidity. But there’s no time to think, you’re still moving, and now other people are set in motion.

And then, as quick as it started, it’s all over. You’re in a ditch, simply thankful to not be moving anymore. You then turn your head and realize that you’ve set off a bit of a chain reaction. You’ve hurt many. You’ve done more damage than you’re worth. And all eyes are on you.

This is what falling in love is like.
Harvey Swick
Naive American
Join date: Jun 2011
1,260 IQ
wow...****in awesome.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
one among the Fence
Join date: Dec 2006
2,587 IQ
Glad you decided to post this. I liked the strength of the metaphor, it's a simple idea that works because of it's simplicity. Your writing is confident, and I'm a sucker for second person perspective, it's never used enough and often times it's used badly. Not much to say, really. I can see why this was a feature. Post more in the future.
Join date: Jul 2006
1,492 IQ
"like wet sandpaper on your teeth."

Made me cringe.

Good writing though.
#1 synth
Join date: Mar 2006
7,350 IQ
the descriptions you gave were too abstract for me to sink my teeth into them. I was looking at a heavily photoshopped image, not a true picture of the scene unfolding. parts of it were confusing because of their long-winded-ness. take more time with your images and tighten up a few of the sentences, revising particularly for repetitions that dull and dilute the piece. The point of a piece like this is to strike hard and fast but by the end it lost my interest in its rambling and abstraction.

all that said, would love to see you post more, definitely a promising piece that simply needs some editing.

Registered User
Join date: Oct 2012
10 IQ
Sounds like a rap to me. These rap lyrics can really good sound with acoustic guitar. Figure out chords and record that. It will be quite good