EpiExplorer
orsonfacenospace
Join date: May 2008
5,594 IQ
#2
Don't you know how to program the bass in the right octave range?

At bar 41, what were you listening to at the time to get that? Its a good riff.

Bar 57 sounds like its from an entirely different song.

The solo was good up until the sudden shift in drums to triplets. That didn't work at all.

It basically amasses to all your influences (whatever they were) jammed into one song but without any flow or relation between each bit.
o()o

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amonamarthmetal
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2008
1,808 IQ
#3
the solos harmony was awful. it needs a rhythm and take out the harmony or fix it. everything else was good and i liked that riff at 65.
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Wild_One
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2009
528 IQ
#4
Quote by EpiExplorer
Don't you know how to program the bass in the right octave range?


thank for reminding me, I forgot clean up the bass track, because i actually just copying the bass track from guitar.

Quote by EpiExplorer
At bar 41, what were you listening to at the time to get that? Its a good riff.


I'm not sure, i just remember trying to create a clean / acoustic part in the middle of the song, like in several Obscura's song, but it turns out out to be something different. glad you dig it

Quote by EpiExplorer
Bar 57 sounds like its from an entirely different song.


no comment about that.

Quote by EpiExplorer
The solo was good up until the sudden shift in drums to triplets. That didn't work at all.


i also think the same. I do it because i didn't really know what to do in the guitar solo part. It's just came out of my mind.

Quote by EpiExplorer
It basically amasses to all your influences (whatever they were) jammed into one song but without any flow or relation between each bit.


Yeah, true. I was just too excited to write a death metal song at that time, thanks for the critics.
Wild_One
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2009
528 IQ
#5
Quote by amonamarthmetal
the solos harmony was awful. it needs a rhythm and take out the harmony or fix it. everything else was good and i liked that riff at 65.


haha, thanks for the critics. That riff at 65 is just came out of my mind after listening to some cannibal corpse and suffocation.
Quibokk
Kiwi
Join date: Apr 2009
894 IQ
#6
I'm not really a huge fan of any of this, but it does depend on what the point of the "song" was. I get the feeling it is a record of guitar riffs for yourself rather than anything else. Drums are either weak or clumsy, and the bass is purely a carbon copy of the guitar parts. So the first thing I would suggest is thinking more about how the drums and bass should fit with the riffs, since that provides a more interesting tab, and will also help you think about writing from a different perspective.

As for the content itself, the one thing I thought was mildly interesting was the bridge riff - unfortunately you didn't develop it.

Basically, I'm the wrong person to give you any fair crit, but I hope my other thoughts were of some value.