Ometh
UG Addict
Join date: Oct 2009
3,911 IQ
#4
I'm naked atm.
Quote by slapsymcdougal
I'm cockblocked regularly by my appearance and personality.
Zombee
UG Newbie
Join date: Nov 2008
146 IQ
#5
Mary Sue
This is why I don't like arguing on the internet.
Quote by damian_91
If only you could back that statement up.
Quote by Zombee
Wolfgang's Philadelphia Study. Look it up yourself.
Quote by damian_91
No need to, absurd generalizations aren't my thing.
JustRooster
Internet Bully
Join date: Jan 2005
7,164 IQ
#7
I was up all night last night trying to figure out where the sun goes when it sets, but then it dawned on me.

Quote by EyeNon15
Thats too bad, I was under the impression I was arguing something profound

crazysam23_Atax
Feuergesicht
Join date: Oct 2009
5,710 IQ
#8
Well, she was born "Maryanne Susy Q", but she disliked the sound of that and now goes by just "Mary".
whywefight
~I'm not fuckin around~
Join date: Dec 2010
1,725 IQ
#10
Quote by Dan_5893
Did you know that Jack is "short" for John?


So the entirety of Lost is a lie?
deadlydictator
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2011
523 IQ
#12
hahaha
there were these two war vets out in the woods hunting for deer in the ol midwest.
one guy says ****!
****N RATTLER JUST BIT ME ON THE HEAD OF MY DICK!
other vet says ILL BE BACK IMA GO INTO TOWN FO SOME HELP YOU LAY DOWN HERE
dude gets to town n runs in a pharmacy
YALL GOT ANYTHING FOR A SNAKEBITE?
-well, theres no anti venom in stock, so you'll have to make an X incision on the wound and suck out the venom and then you'll be cured-
dude runs back to his buddy
dude says CAN YA HELP ME MAN?
.....................
dude says
.....................
YOU GONNA DIE
MASTODON FTW
Trowzaa
TwoWorldWars&OneWorldCup
Join date: Mar 2009
730 IQ
#14
My grandad loves telling me this joke every time I see him.

Why did Mary fall off the swing?

Cos she's got no arms.

And I pushed her.


Thanks for that gramps.
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


whoomit
Join date: Jul 2006
1,492 IQ
#16
Quote by Trowzaa
My grandad loves telling me this joke every time I see him.

Why did Mary fall off the swing?

Cos she's got no arms.

And I pushed her.


Thanks for that gramps.

This guy gets it. Missing limbs are funny!
Todd Hart
Do Sadists go to Hell?
Join date: Sep 2009
153 IQ
#17
That's not a reason for her being short, that's a reason as to why she's short.
...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
Whiteboy_az
Banned
Join date: Nov 2006
206 IQ
#19
A man is walking down the street when he sees a sign that reads:

"If you can make my donkey laugh, you get $100. $5 to play"

Man walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Okay, I'll play." He hands the bartender $5 and takes the donkey out back. When he comes back in, the donkey is laughing hysterically. He gets $100 from the bartender and leaves.

The next day, same man walking down the same street sees a sign outside the same bar, but this time it reads:

"If you can make my donkey cry, you get $200. $5 to play"

Man walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Okay, I'll play." He hands the bartender $5 and takes the donkey out back. When he comes back in, the donkey is crying uncontrollably. He goes to collect the money when the bartender says to him "Damn! You made my donkey both laugh and cry over the last two days, how did you do it?"

The man responds "Yesterday I told him my penis was bigger than his and today I showed him."
Harvey Swick
Naive American
Join date: Jun 2011
1,260 IQ
#20
Quote by MadClownDisease
What's ET short for?


Extra Testicle
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
Obsceneairwaves
UG Member
Join date: Sep 2011
1,001 IQ
#21
HEY.


Knock knock.
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
Trowzaa
TwoWorldWars&OneWorldCup
Join date: Mar 2009
730 IQ
#23
Slowest knock knock joke ever
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


willT08
Banned
Join date: Jul 2009
2,923 IQ
#24
Quote by JustRooster
I was up all night last night trying to figure out where the sun goes when it sets, but then it dawned on me.

One day I was in the park when I saw a frisbee floating through the air. I wondered what it was that made it so float so beautifully, and then it hit me.
whoomit
Join date: Jul 2006
1,492 IQ
#25
Quote by Trowzaa
Slowest knock knock joke ever

Mary took a long time to get to the door and answer it. It's funny
'cause she's got no legs.

This thread rivals YLYL.
stef123
2 wrongs make a fight
Join date: Jan 2007
1,375 IQ
#27
I lol'd.
R.I.P Jon Lord, Rory Gallagher and Jimi!
kertets
Banned
Join date: Jan 2012
80 IQ
#28
Quote by triglide5
If she has no legs does she leave snail tracks on the hardwood floors?


I would totally lick them
You´re sick.
Dreadnought
Oceanic Mountainman
Join date: Sep 2002
5,196 IQ
#29
Anti-joke thread?

What's sad about a Cadillac full of black guys going over a cliff?

They were my friends
But we little know until tried how much of the uncontrollable there is in us, urging across glaciers and torrents, and up dangerous heights, let the judgment forbid as it may.
Last edited by Dreadnought at Nov 22, 2012,
T00DEEPBLUE
Boba FRETT
Join date: Oct 2010
2,245 IQ
#30
Mary has a second name when she's swimming.

Bob.
Regarding the furry fandom from the man himself:
Quote by Axelfox
Please understand how little we as a community care
Pagan_Poetry
The Twilight Stoned
Join date: Apr 2009
3,467 IQ
#31
A poor woman without legs and arms was crying on the side of a dock. A man walking by looks and says "What's wrong? You're by this beautiful view of the ocean! What could be worse than this?"

The woman says "I'm crying because I have this view, yes, but it reminds me that I've never been hugged like others that have seen this view."

The man, feeling badly, hugs the poor woman. She stops crying and he leaves.

As he is walking, he hears her crying again and runs back quickly. He says "What's wrong now? I hugged you!"

She says "That hug was great, but it reminded me that I've never been kissed.

The man braves himself and kisses her. She stops crying and he leaves again.

She starts crying yet again, and he hurries back and says "What are you crying about now?!"

She says "That kiss was great, but it reminded me that I've never been fucked."

So the man braves himself,
and picks up her limbless body, throws her in the ocean and yells

"YOU'RE FUCKED NOW!"
skylerjames13
Dude
Join date: Jan 2009
2,068 IQ
#33
Quote by deadlydictator
hahaha
there were these two war vets out in the woods hunting for deer in the ol midwest.
one guy says ****!
****N RATTLER JUST BIT ME ON THE HEAD OF MY DICK!
other vet says ILL BE BACK IMA GO INTO TOWN FO SOME HELP YOU LAY DOWN HERE
dude gets to town n runs in a pharmacy
YALL GOT ANYTHING FOR A SNAKEBITE?
-well, theres no anti venom in stock, so you'll have to make an X incision on the wound and suck out the venom and then you'll be cured-
dude runs back to his buddy
dude says CAN YA HELP ME MAN?
.....................
dude says
.....................
YOU GONNA DIE


i legit lol'd at this.
Quote by DonGlover

You look like a young Eugene Levy, but with a moustache.

Quote by slapsymcdougal
Quote by Dreadnought
Kicking a man when he's down, I'm proud of you

When they're down is the safest time.

Soundcloud
Gibson_SG_uzr55
DJ SNAAAAKKEEE
Join date: Jul 2006
4,022 IQ
#34
Did Tojo and the Japanese blow her shins off?
Quote by beadhangingOne
What happened to Snake?

Snake?

Snake?

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!


Quote by TunerAddict
you can take my mouse and keyboard from my cold, slightly orange from cheetos, dead fingers


Quote by Baby Joel
Isis is amazing