The Hurt Within
Preserving the name...
Join date: Feb 2004
10,564 IQ
#1
Hi. It's been a while. I might be fleeting, I might be nesting, who knows...


Grand Mother Nature

If ever an air of disappointment was
more apparent, it was when I visited
my grandmother, the resentment at
lost conversations and unvented symptoms
of loneliness stuck to lips like thirst,
not even weak cups of tea could shift.
Her parched tongue would fire off quick -
lipped quips to dampen the tone before
my thoughts could drift onto matters
less trivial, more personal.

"The trees were green last time you came".
At 91, I can't see that seasons seem temporal,
but the leaves invading her patio bring
veiled blame, and the weathering to our
foundations is too severe that synthesis
is beyond me and grandmothers' nature,
for stubbornness is hereditary, and it's clear
she's not yet dropping anchor into the soil
to secure her last few years on these barren
plains, "There's work to be done", she spat,
while handing me a broom, my arid mouth
refrains from asking for a bag or two, so
back into the womb these lost conversations
go, I sweep in vain, with the hope of
clearing a path, one her and I can take
through this wasteland of resentment;
I guess I think she'll always be there,
to stand and make tea, while knowing
what I meant when I said, "time can age, but
we will never ever change."

Her scolding stare leaves me to spot a
single lonely leaf laying in the corner,
maybe the final conversation we'll ever have,
and momentarily I forget how harsh a mistress
Grand Mother Nature can be..
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
ali.guitarkid7
Gets Easier
Join date: Oct 2009
2,302 IQ
#4
Oh wow, it's the man with the rules and advice. Pleasure to read you, sir.
Quote by Aeolian Harmony
Ali priori / Ali posteriori
Quote by GuitarGod_92
Jesus christ Ali is a nutcase

I actually feel sorry for him, like seriously, get help
The Hurt Within
Preserving the name...
Join date: Feb 2004
10,564 IQ
#6
Oh dear lord I'm crying with laughter again.

Still is the best thing ever....
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
Something_Vague
Blanched in White Oars
Join date: Nov 2004
5,239 IQ
#7
wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. i will read this tomorrow.

ps: can we get, corey, landon, blake, mikey, menry, mike, until, and everyone else in this thread plz?
Last edited by Something_Vague at Nov 26, 2012,
jiminizzle
Lost Pilot
Join date: May 2006
2,775 IQ
#8
if corey came back i might shit another brick.

can't wait to read this. gotta get the autumn contest polls finished though. it's getting too cold for that shit.

Until then, hello Steve, good to see you, and hope you're life is wunderbar.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
Last edited by jiminizzle at Nov 27, 2012,
seventh_angel
So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
Join date: Aug 2007
3,144 IQ
#9
This was pretty, but I have the feeling this could work better in prose. Your line breaks seem to be calculated structure wise, instead of setting a flow; also, it doesn't sound very poetic. It sounds more like a narration. Reading it twice made the wonderful imagery and detail more vivid, and the whole mood of the piece more settled. It was a great read and it's awesome that you came back.
culex-knight
mon titre d'utilisateur
Join date: Jun 2004
400 IQ
#10
Holy shit I didn't need a thesaurus to get through this. Stay awhile.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

The Hurt Within
Preserving the name...
Join date: Feb 2004
10,564 IQ
#11
Hehe thanks all. Yeah this is more prosey than most, I might toy with the structure a bit, since there's a hell of a lot of internal rhyme going on here, I could make that more apparent. I've also been toying with the idea of changing the anchor line to use roots as the anchor instead, it would probably fit with the theme a bit better, opinions?

Thanks again all.

peACE
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
JimiJamesThe2nd
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2012
175 IQ
#12
This was excellent. I'll say more after class, if I can think of more to say.