#1
Some of you may remember a thread I made a few weeks back called "Patience". At that point it was two stanzas long, though I've since written it into a full song, a recording of which can be heard on the original recordings forum: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1574896

In the wind a red leaf hangs
Then flutters to the ground.
It crumbles underneath my feet
With a muffled crackling sound.
It echoes through the pale moonlight
In which the evening bathes
And taking a pause to look around
I dream of my escape.

I've always found it hard to say
What exactly's in my way
But time and time and time again
It keeps me stuck right where I've been

My absent mind still tries to find
All the time I've left behind
try to climb to no avail
aboard a ship that's long since sailed
patiently I sit ashore
like so many times before
and hope someone will comfort me
and stare upon the quiet sea


The seconds arduously fade
To minutes, hours, agonizing days
And far below the autumn moon
For peace, I lay in wait.
She tells me, with a mournful sigh
“Your patience is misplaced.”
But still I stand upon my pride
'Til twilight turns the night to day.

I've always found it hard to say
What exactly's in my way
But time and time and time again
It keeps me stuck right where I've been

Thanks for reading
Last edited by Nardis at Nov 27, 2012,
#2
Wow. I'm really surprised this hasn't been posted on yet. Well anyways, I really like these longs. The way of using imagery to invoke emotions is really strong and powerful. Especially this line here:

"It echoes through the pale moonlight
In which the evening bathes
And taking a pause to look around
I dream of my escape."

This is a really smooth feeling quote that shows a lot of honesty and emotion, and above all the poem just flows well and feels right. It gives me many mental images of places, such as an afternoon in fall or a grassland at night. So yeah, uh keep it up.