you've got a good start, but you should try to listen to the resonance between your voice and the guitar, it will help with your pitch quite a bit, also your song seems to lack structure, and just sort of meander which makes it a bit hard to follow
Thank ya! I'll work on that. I sorta realized that my rhythm doesn't really have a rhythm. :P
You seem to kind of just talk melodically, it doesn't have that sort of structure you generally hear in singing, it kinda has that Johnny Cash sort of vibe but on speed lol. You should work on making the transitions flow better as well as improve the quality of the recording if possible. I recommend trying to get a bit more treble into the guitar but maintain the warmth that an acoustic naturally has.

I don't have much experience with acoustic recording (I generally play electric almost exclusively and record direct in), but I do know that you should try to get into an acoustically "good" room - an extreme example is that a garage probably won't sound stellar. What I do is try to get the cleanest possible sound with no static (I'd play in a soundproof room if I had one), then I add reverb and all that extra stuff to the "pure" recording.
Music must be honest to be timeless.
Hm well thanks! I think... I've been listening to a lot of Johnny Cash lately so that might explain some. :P And I think the problem with the guitar is that I need some new strings. They're sounding a little dull right now. Thanks a bunch for the in depth comment though! Makes me happy.
I liked the song, I liked the lyrics and the odd way of phrasing them. It works for this song, but I wouldn't try doing it often because your sets will just end up sounding rhythm-less. I would try working on pitch for the vocals though, a lot of the time it just felt like the notes just weren't where they should be (might be due to the odd phrasing). Maybe try a different key? The guitar work, apart from the actual tone of the guitar worked well. Overall a good song, keep working at them!

Thanks for the review, now I'm going to go see what this 'cage the elephant' is