Eccer
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2006
993 IQ
#1
Welcome!
To our grand
30 years of music/drama
Masquerade ball!
Guests shall stay in the gallery
Where you may eat, drink and dance
For all is yours today
Remember, the author
May very well be one of you tonight! =)
Keep a watch, and he might surprise you
Have a wonderful evening!


Drink thus all of your champagne
For tonight's a game
In which you will change
Wear thee mask
And be wary
The peering eyes
If your secrets are to be
Now, let up
And look around
See who's that lurking about

In shadows
The writer revelates
His last memoirs
Of quills
Whispering in the loom
And where the walls breached
The sheets flew
Across the ballroom
High above with
"Almost
Silvery like appearances
In the moonlight
"

Listen
For theirs
Behold clues amidst pages
Of hidden truth
Learn doth
His masquerade and
Witness
A mass before a
Giant passion play

"Focus..
The picture of dreams lies beneath
An obsession..
"
...and
None where like this
One particular fellow
I guess he stared to long
So focused he kept on
Revealing his love

That's when I realized
What the music told me
While champagne
Havocked within
Intertwined and introspective
"Conscience awakened
So they say
"

He was
Laughing at the fountain
Perfectly blending
Amongst the crowd
A pretty cover indeed
What a fine evening it was
Until
I stabbed him
A hundred times, maybe
Perhaps a little bit less
It felt like.....nothing
Though
It was good anyways

And as cliché as ever
I
Made the fountain red that night
Like he did
That
time
When I found my family
Hanging
Bled dry by their open arteries
Their paint upon the curtains
Forever portraying
His love for smashing red
Mediocre melodramas!
Last edited by Eccer at Feb 16, 2014,
Audiolife
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2011
131 IQ
#5
Wow! Were to start? That was really great! The small text at the beginning made me read it like an old radio announcer setting up the next radio play to come on, the fast talking 1920's kind. The real impact of that was that when I got to the beginning of the story it packed a punch, I love when poems and songs change voice! Another aspect I loved was the juxtaposition of semi-Shakespearean language with what the words are actually saying. You could make dead baby kickball look eloquent to the untrained eye! The visceral jump from the retelling of events in a matter of fact way to the emotion in the red text also shakes the reader up, in a good way.

Overall, one of the best original pieces I've read here!
OSORLeads
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2012
77 IQ
#6
This was fantastic. You really paint a picture with your words! I envy your grammar and vocabulary. I feel as though this is a mere excerpt from a grand scheme of events which all lead up to this climax. Again, fantastic work. If I may trouble you for a read/review of my work?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1580137
"Betrayal is a bitch, but so is Karma, and your time is coming."