Pagan_Poetry
The Twilight Stoned
Join date: Apr 2009
3,467 IQ
#1
Because we don't know any better.

How do vaginas like their eggs cooked?

Ovary-sy!


Sorry, I know that joke was a bit of a stretch.
Last edited by Pagan_Poetry at Jan 7, 2013,
eGraham
Rattle That Lock
Join date: Oct 2008
1,539 IQ
#3
I went to a gypsy, who was on her period, to get my fortune told. She had me stick my hand up her vagina to get the palm red.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
Last edited by eGraham at Jan 7, 2013,
WholeLottaIzzy
UGs Only Rhythm Guitarist
Join date: Apr 2011
6,023 IQ
#4
Baby take off your ring.

That's my watch.
Last edited by WholeLottaIzzy at Jan 7, 2013,
Gantz92
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2012
108 IQ
#5
Billy. Billy! The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend, I said to her, "Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy."
She said, "Why did you say that twice?" I said, "I didn't."
[Billy stares blankly]
Hawkins: See, cuz of the echo.
Zombee
UG Newbie
Join date: Nov 2008
146 IQ
#6
So there was a blind man, right? And he was spillin his way down the street, right? With his stick right? Well, he wanders past a fish market, takes a deep breath, and says 'Mornin ladieesss.
This is why I don't like arguing on the internet.
Quote by damian_91
If only you could back that statement up.
Quote by Zombee
Wolfgang's Philadelphia Study. Look it up yourself.
Quote by damian_91
No need to, absurd generalizations aren't my thing.
IronMaiden76
UG's Krabby Patty
Join date: May 2009
2,300 IQ
#9
I cunt take these offensive jokes
Call me Chris
Quote by jimihendrix6699
had a blast until the person in front of me whipped out his dick and started pissing all over the floor..

Ducks and guitars or fish and guitars. I lead a simple existence
Pagan_Poetry
The Twilight Stoned
Join date: Apr 2009
3,467 IQ
#10
Oh I got this story!
This woman the other day said "stick your finger in my pussy!" so I did.
She then said "Now put both hands in!" so I did.
She then said "Go deeper! Go up to your wrists!" so I did.
She then said "go up to your lower arms!" so I did.
She then said "go up to your elbows!" so I did.
She then said "go up to your shoulders!" so I did.
She finally said "Okay! Clap!"
I tried and I tried, but I just couldn't separate my hands. I gave up and said "I can't clap."


She looked at me and said "Tight, isn't it?"
eGraham
Rattle That Lock
Join date: Oct 2008
1,539 IQ
#14
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Oops. Good catch

Twat are you talking about? Of vulva things I could've missed...
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
Joshua Garcia
Joshole
Join date: Jun 2009
5,714 IQ
#15
Quote by genghisgandhi
Gypsy is an offensive term you cunt

Then I better not make any jokes about it. I'm not so good at taking poundings.
Quote by Hal-Sephira
Have anybody went on high lately?
v Smash dat mf
Last edited by Joshua Garcia at Jan 7, 2013,
CoreysMonster
Banned
Join date: Apr 2005
8,557 IQ
#16
Quote by Gantz92
Billy. Billy! The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend, I said to her, "Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy."
She said, "Why did you say that twice?" I said, "I didn't."
[Billy stares blankly]
Hawkins: See, cuz of the echo.

I JUST saw that movie for the first time, on new years.
Dregen
-
Join date: Dec 2007
2,365 IQ
#17
Quote by Zombee
So there was a blind man, right? And he was spillin his way down the street, right? With his stick right? Well, he wanders past a fish market, takes a deep breath, and says 'Mornin ladieesss.




fucking love that song
snipelfritz
Senior Fun Correspondent
Join date: May 2006
1,554 IQ
#19
I can't wait to see this thread evolv...


...a
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
Gantz92
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2012
108 IQ
#20
Quote by CoreysMonster
I JUST saw that movie for the first time, on new years.


One of my favorites. What did you think?
CoreysMonster
Banned
Join date: Apr 2005
8,557 IQ
#22
Quote by Gantz92
One of my favorites. What did you think?

For being the first of its kind? Amazing. Incredible. All of the above.

Only thing I didn't like was the predator's face, which looked like a rotten, infected vagina.
AtaBorMan
UG's reclusive wanker
Join date: Jul 2009
480 IQ
#23
TS is a kn... cunt.
Quote by Todd Hart
Shooting your friends with a real gun is a definite faux pas.

Quote by mystical_1
Professor Plum in the Studio with a new Amp

Quote by snipelfritz
If only I were the only one at home right now. I don't need my parents asking who Mr. Wiggles is.
Phazon
Human
Join date: Jul 2009
643 IQ
#24
Quote by UnmagicMushroom
What do you get when a cat falls in water?

...


...


...


A wet pussy





Deer godI actually lold

Saint78
julian wells
Join date: May 2009
1,760 IQ
#25
Quote by Zombee
So there was a blind man, right? And he was spillin his way down the street, right? With his stick right? Well, he wanders past a fish market, takes a deep breath, and says 'Mornin ladieesss.


Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby, that's all we need

Anyways, vagina jokes are for pussies.
you're a stone fox
IronMaiden76
UG's Krabby Patty
Join date: May 2009
2,300 IQ
#26
Why waste the time telling TS a joke about vaginas? He'll never get it
Call me Chris
Quote by jimihendrix6699
had a blast until the person in front of me whipped out his dick and started pissing all over the floor..

Ducks and guitars or fish and guitars. I lead a simple existence
ali.guitarkid7
Gets Easier
Join date: Oct 2009
2,302 IQ
#27
I'm not wetty enough to make one of these jokes.


Quote by Aeolian Harmony
Ali priori / Ali posteriori
Quote by GuitarGod_92
Jesus christ Ali is a nutcase

I actually feel sorry for him, like seriously, get help
ErikLensherr
MGTOW
Join date: Jul 2011
1,630 IQ
#28
Quote by magnus_maximus
Gypsy isn't an offensive term. Shut up. Pikey is, but nobody likes pikeys because they're dicks.

I remember Brad Pitt played one of them in the movie... Snatch.
Quote by EpiExplorer
I swear this guy in particular writes for the telegraph or some shit.

Quote by Rossenrot
I was in NYC for all of about 5 minutes until I was called a cracker and called out to fight someone.
Saint78
julian wells
Join date: May 2009
1,760 IQ
#30
Quote by ErikLensherr
I remember Brad Pitt played one of them in the movie... Snatch.


you're a stone fox
Gibson_SG_uzr55
DJ SNAAAAKKEEE
Join date: Jul 2006
4,022 IQ
#31
There is this really small town near my hometown named Colon (which has actually been dubbed the Magic Capital of the World, believe it or not, you can Google it), and it has a reputation for slutty girls and has had it for a long time. My dad told me this number:

"How do you know the Colon head cheerleader from the others? When they do the splits, look for the one with the most rings falling out of their skirts"
Quote by beadhangingOne
What happened to Snake?

Snake?

Snake?

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!


Quote by TunerAddict
you can take my mouse and keyboard from my cold, slightly orange from cheetos, dead fingers


Quote by Baby Joel
Isis is amazing
vintage x metal
Brown-Thighed Girl
Join date: Sep 2006
5,308 IQ
#32
Wanna hear a joke you'll never get?


pussy.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

DisarmGoliath
Disarms Goliaths
Join date: Dec 2008
1,391 IQ
#33
What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? A prostitute can wash and re-sell her crack.


Yeah, not strictly a joke just about a vagina, I don't care
Hey, look. Sigs are back.
willT08
Banned
Join date: Jul 2009
2,923 IQ
#35
Quote by magnus_maximus
Gypsy isn't an offensive term. Shut up. Pikey is, but nobody likes pikeys because they're dicks.

I think it kind of is. Or at least, it's one travellers take offence to whether rightly or wrongly. It also doesn't describe half of the travellers you're likely to meet since it refers to the romani people, when most travellers in the UK are Irish.

EDIT: Should probably have a vagina joke.

*time has elapsed*

So I tried to come up with one for about 5 minutes and couldn't get anywhere but I'm sure there's one to be had about how people say pussy is like a pie, and the punchline would have something to do with the crust.
Last edited by willT08 at Jan 7, 2013,
Zombee
UG Newbie
Join date: Nov 2008
146 IQ
#37
Quote by vintage x metal
Wanna hear a joke you'll never get?


pussy.



This is why I don't like arguing on the internet.
Quote by damian_91
If only you could back that statement up.
Quote by Zombee
Wolfgang's Philadelphia Study. Look it up yourself.
Quote by damian_91
No need to, absurd generalizations aren't my thing.
mystical_1
Doomed
Join date: Jul 2008
336 IQ
#38
A girl goes out and gets a tattoo of former president Bush on one thigh and the other former president Bush, his son, on the other side. She gets home and asks her boyfriend if he can tell which is which.

He peers at them closely and says, "Well, I'm not exactly sure who the other two are but the one in the middle with the long beard and bad breath... that one's Willie Nelson!"
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Sadly this is Ultimate-guitar, not Simple-guitar. We can't help you.


SlackerBabbath
Est. 1966.
Join date: Apr 2007
264 IQ
#39
A friend of mine was telling me that he had recently decided not to confront a drunk who accosted his wife in the pub saying that he would like to fill her vagina with lager, drink it all, and have sex with her because, as he said, "Anyone who can drink 18 pints and still be capable of having sex is a hero in my book."
naedauuf
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2009
1,025 IQ
#40
How do you know if you have an overbite?
If your eating pussy and it tastes like shit!
Quote by Zombee
So there was a blind man, right? And he was spillin his way down the street, right? With his stick right? Well, he wanders past a fish market, takes a deep breath, and says 'Mornin ladieesss.

Spillin his way down the street? You mean feelin? Afroman
Quote by MetalGS3SE
This is the best idea I have ever heard. Ever.

Naedauuf for president people.


Last edited by naedauuf at Jan 8, 2013,