#1
There are no more sentiments beneath my sleeves,
they died with me in isolation. All that remains
is the detritus of unfinished hymns;
no obituary to speak off. Meaningless thoughts,
trivial mercies, and forgotten friends
can’t follow me here: rest.
#2
This was really good, I thought.

I've got a habit of being partial to anything shorter, though. The more you can say with less.
#3
Vedy gud. But I don't think I feel your line breaks.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#6
i liked this, and don't see everybody's quips with the line breaks. looks fine to me.