Bleed Away
th.
Join date: Feb 2006
2,671 IQ
#1
There are no more sentiments beneath my sleeves,
they died with me in isolation. All that remains
is the detritus of unfinished hymns;
no obituary to speak off. Meaningless thoughts,
trivial mercies, and forgotten friends
can’t follow me here: rest.
Mulbery
unicornicopia
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2011
544 IQ
#2
This was really good, I thought.

I've got a habit of being partial to anything shorter, though. The more you can say with less.
culex-knight
mon titre d'utilisateur
Join date: Jun 2004
400 IQ
#3
Vedy gud. But I don't think I feel your line breaks.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#1 synth
Weeow!
Join date: Mar 2006
7,350 IQ
#4
agreed about the line breaks. agreed about the goodness.
Bleed Away
th.
Join date: Feb 2006
2,671 IQ
#5
Thanks for reading guys. I think this may have said what I have been trying to say for the past 6 months.
Mulbery
Dregen
-
Join date: Dec 2007
2,365 IQ
#6
i liked this, and don't see everybody's quips with the line breaks. looks fine to me.
jaybearch
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2013
133 IQ
#8
I loved the different sort of beauty you gave to being tired. wonderful.