My wife was a known joker
and it was my thirtieth;
fanciest restaurant in Portland,
suddenly said she had something in her chest,
so she left the table for me to talk amongst my friends
until she strutted back from coat-check
with a bright pink box in tow,
dropping a card in my lap, spreading her arms for show
saying “well my hubby’s a man now, its time to see how much he’s grown”

and in utter humiliation I removed the ribbon,
opened the box to see what was inside,
held up two pairs of gap body thongs
redder than the roses they were packaged with;
I shifted in my seat while the dinner guests laughed
thanked Gloria for her gracious gift
and waited for the moment to pass

I gave her the cold shoulder on the way to the car
she held the tools of my embarrassment peeking out of her pocket
when we got back to our apartment bedroom I looked at her hard
she noticed and said “well, did you even read the card?”

I peeled back the flap covering the message
gawked at the words; it read
“I was thinking hon
you’re always uptight
maybe wearing some panties
would make your soul light,
you can wear them with me
no one would know;
trust me, you’ll love the added flexibility
and the feeling when the wind blows;
sincerely, your baby
forever, your baby”

without a second thought I pushed her to the bed
pulled off her skirt, her blouse, my jeans,
unbuttoned my shirt, tore my boxers off at their seams,
held down her legs, slipped her feet through the openings in one of the thongs
while with the other pair I wavered and breathed in deep
but the laugh in her eyes pushed me to creep
each hairy leg through the pink holes in the fabric
until I was standing there near naked over my wife
except for the gap body cloth barely concealing my member
I gave her a smile that proved she was right
and said “I knew there was a reason why I agreed to be with you for life.”
I'm submitting a more finalized version for a sexy poetry contest. about panties. its my silly entry. the other two are much more steamy