Travis Penisten
Banned
Join date: Feb 2013
280 IQ
#1
My band is hitting a professional recording studio in a few weeks, paying $100 per song. There is this one part of one of the songs we're recording, where the lyrics go like this:
This is the ending with this blood on my hands
Take this life it was a waste of my time
I won't forget you when I'm rotting in my grave
Say goodbye to those you hold closely
And say goodbye to those you hold dearly!

Now tell me that's not ****ing terrible. So I ask my band mates if they honestly think those are okay to use, and they're like "Nahhh thats fine"
Honestly I don't want terrible cliche lyrics like that to be associated with our band. But I don't want to be the whining bitch who is always complaining about stuff. What should i do?
manualex
Registered User
Join date: Mar 2012
180 IQ
#3
Or you improvise with the vocal melody when recording(if you are the singer).
And/or try to write down other lyrics? It never hurts...
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Last edited by manualex at Mar 8, 2013,
HotspurJr
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2011
191 IQ
#4
I think it's almost impossible to evaluate lyrics independent of melody.

If you're not the singer, let it go.

If you're the singer, come up with something better. A singer can refuse to sing lyrics that don't work for them, but if you're going to reject something, you have an obligation to offer an alternative.
Akherousia
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2010
68 IQ
#5
You're likely just being over-critical because the pressure's on and your song is about to be immortalized and set in stone as it is. It's easy to nitpick and get cold-feet about something you've created in those shoes, but what you have to realize is not only what the poster above me mentioned about the vocal melody (this could make or break any pair of lyrics, I've heard atrocious lines done great justice with a strong melody and vice verse) but also that as the writer you are likely the one who will pay the most attention to that particular part.

If you feel you can come up with better, by all means come up with something and present it to your bandmates to see if they like it - but if not, then just let it slide and let the rest of your lyrics speak for themselves. I doubt anyone would notice, and those who do likely won't care. Just laugh it off and show some humility if someone brings it up, but otherwise grit your teeth and deal with it if your bandmates don't want to change it.

I think you'll find these kinds of things are only as big of a deal as we decide to make them.
MaggaraMarine
Slapping the bass.
Join date: Oct 2009
3,412 IQ
#6
You can always rewrite lyrics, same with songs. If there's some part you don't like, you can change it and make it sound better. You could analyze the part. What is the thing you don't like in the lyrics? Why don't you like that part? Change it.
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CarsonStevens
Rocksmith
Join date: Sep 2010
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#7
Quote by Travis Penisten
Now tell me that's not ****ing terrible.


Okay. That's not ****ing terrible.

Honestly, I don't see the problem with them other than the fact that they're a bit self-indulgent and you use the word "this" a few too many times. Although if I wanted to nit-pick, the last two lines contradict one another. But honestly, I've heard much worse from professional bands. Even bands I like.

Seriously, what's so horribly wrong with them that they've reduced you to profanity?
Travis Penisten
Banned
Join date: Feb 2013
280 IQ
#8
They have no real meaning, they're cliche, they make no sense, they sound unprofessional, and literally no thought was put into writing them.
HotspurJr
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2011
191 IQ
#9
Quote by Travis Penisten
They have no real meaning, they're cliche, they make no sense, they sound unprofessional, and literally no thought was put into writing them.


So do better.

If "literally no thought" was put into them, it shouldn't be hard for you to do better.

And that bears repeating:

You will get better results 99% of time if you follow up, "I don't like this very much," with "And here's something I think might be better."

Whining about your bandmates' lyrics is obnoxious. Putting into the work to make better ones at least has a chance of being productive.

It's really really hard to be in a band with someone who says, "This sucks," but isn't putting in the work to offer something better or improve it.
20Tigers
1
Join date: Jun 2008
640 IQ
#10
Yeah those lyrics are pretty much the meaningless drivel of a 15year old boy that hasn't got a clue. But that doesn't mean they won't work. Plenty of very successful songs (and bands) have worse lyrics.

Only solution, and it's been said already, write something better yourself or forget about it. A classic case of "put up or shut up".
Si
Travis Penisten
Banned
Join date: Feb 2013
280 IQ
#11
yeah, after you guys put it that way. It's a good idea. I'll try to write better ones. Considering I wrote these lyrics the day of our first show when I was 16.
CarsonStevens
Rocksmith
Join date: Sep 2010
688 IQ
#12
Quote by Travis Penisten
They have no real meaning, they're cliche, they make no sense, they sound unprofessional, and literally no thought was put into writing them.


So they're about as good as most of the songs in the Top 40, then?
Akherousia
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2010
68 IQ
#14
Well, are you going to do something about it or are you going to just bitch and moan over it?

I can't tell if you're just poking and prodding in the hopes people will continue to try and build you up and justify your lyrics, or if you're just too lazy to do anything about them. Either way, there isn't much more we can add.
xbitmetal
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2009
289 IQ
#15
I wouldn't pay 20-25 for that. However it's only my opinion. Generic, no logic, boring, actually even akward. Well, teenage girls might like that ;D....
CelestialGuitar
Celestial Wish Guitarist
Join date: Nov 2011
518 IQ
#16
To be fair, I reckon if you had the right hair, screamed it and printed the last line in big bold letters on a T Shirt, you may be in business, but if you're not Hardcore/Metalcore, bin those lyrics, however, you've came up with nothing new so far. That suggests to me that you accept these lyrics, and that's alright, I've been in situations where I've been like "I'm changing/binning that, blah blah", but once it's changed, it sounds wrong, because that's not the song. To be fair, in the Hardcore genre, the lyrics aren't the selling point, usually except for one iconic line in a certain song, so relax and stop stressing about it, it's only going to annoy everyone else and bring your own performance down when you get in the studio.
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CarsonStevens
Rocksmith
Join date: Sep 2010
688 IQ
#17
Read this article;

http://www.cracked.com/article_19420_6-classic-songs-that-were-supposed-to-be-jokes.html

Specifically, #1:

It took a while for Slash to begrudgingly get the unusual riff to match with a drum beat, but they eventually started recording. Their producer listened to what they'd put together so far and told them that they should add a dramatic breakdown in place of the last verse, with Slash busting out a killer solo and Rose singing something. After thinking for a moment about what that something could be, Axl asked "Where do we go now?" As in, "Where do we go with this song?"

Nobody had any better suggestions, so for a solid chunk of the song, Rose just keeps shouting, "Where do we go now?"


Seriously. Don't stress over your lyrics. The night will go on, my little windmill.
'93
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2009
1,110 IQ
#18
theyre not too bad...thing is in the context of the song the lyrics change. take almost any lyrics without music and they look odd
axemanchris
Awwww.... NOW what?!
Join date: Aug 2006
2,471 IQ
#19
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHozn0YXAeE

A number one song in over a dozen countries around the world, and the song propelled the album to sell over 10 million copies.

(of course, it DOES help that it's catchy-as-hell...)

CT
Could I get some more talent in the monitors, please?

I know it sounds crazy, but try to learn to inhale your voice. www.thebelcantotechnique.com

Chris is the king of relating music things to other objects in real life.
axemanchris
Awwww.... NOW what?!
Join date: Aug 2006
2,471 IQ
#20
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nickelback/figuredyouout.html

#1 song in Canada and USA - propelled album sales upwards to 4 million copies.

And for the record, I'm not a Nickelback hater. Their early stuff, up to and including Silver Side Up was really excellent, IMHO. But if I wrote these particular lyrics - even at 15 - they never would have seen the light of day.

To the point, I don't think those lyrics you posted are all that bad. They don't stand out as being especially good, but they're not awful. They're just kinda meh. I like lyrics that make me consider something, or that connect/resonate with my experience and who I am, that make me feel something. Those lyrics do none of those things.

CT
Could I get some more talent in the monitors, please?

I know it sounds crazy, but try to learn to inhale your voice. www.thebelcantotechnique.com

Chris is the king of relating music things to other objects in real life.
CarsonStevens
Rocksmith
Join date: Sep 2010
688 IQ
#21
Quote by axemanchris
(of course, it DOES help that it's catchy-as-hell...)


What I love about MMMBop is that if you actually listen to the lyrics, they're depressing as hell. All stuff about how everyone you know is gonna grow old and die leaving you all alone some day.
axemanchris
Awwww.... NOW what?!
Join date: Aug 2006
2,471 IQ
#22
"Hey, guys.... we should make this a *happy* sounding song, though, no?" :-)

CT
Could I get some more talent in the monitors, please?

I know it sounds crazy, but try to learn to inhale your voice. www.thebelcantotechnique.com

Chris is the king of relating music things to other objects in real life.