jiminizzle
Lost Pilot
Join date: May 2006
2,775 IQ
#1

Two Mornings


Our lungs rose up in steam clouds,
Utah breath, they say
the outcrops are so inaccessible
only an angel could land on them,
and a vulture circles in the western sky
high above the horizon,
but maybe they're not so different
from each other, or from how I look
at you, say, my name is, say,
remember me? say, it's been so long—


I wander through construction sites,
ruins of M., drifting off into distance,
and everything else is lost outside
of warning signs, the fences
to which they’re tied,
footsteps echoing across plywood,
bridges tracked with mud—
and where these things meet, under
a sky that reminds me of you, talking
about cloud forms
and rock formations at dawn,
I begin to move on.

Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
Last edited by jiminizzle at Mar 10, 2013,
#1 synth
Weeow!
Join date: Mar 2006
7,350 IQ
#2
one of the best i've ever read from you. wanted one more image in the tail end of the first stanza but great piece my man
jiminizzle
Lost Pilot
Join date: May 2006
2,775 IQ
#4
yeah you said short poems land you tail so I wrote a short(ish) poem hoping to score with you, babe
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
Bleed Away
th.
Join date: Feb 2006
2,671 IQ
#6
Quote by jiminizzle
yeah you said short poems land you tail so I wrote a short(ish) poem hoping to score with you, babe

Pfft, this isn't short enough.
Mulbery
jiminizzle
Lost Pilot
Join date: May 2006
2,775 IQ
#7
i guess size does matter

(ok i'm done)
thanks for checking it out guys. I have some minor tweaks written somewhere I'll edit in soon.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
culex-knight
mon titre d'utilisateur
Join date: Jun 2004
400 IQ
#8
Excellente.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

seventh_angel
So-Called New-Age(d) Poet
Join date: Aug 2007
3,144 IQ
#9
Lately your poems have this aching beauty that makes them very unique; I feel you've been improving your imagery. This was very very good Jimmy. The only thing I didn't like was the complete lack of full stops. This is filled with commas and turns everything into a very big sentence, and this is so much more than that. Loved reading this.
jiminizzle
Lost Pilot
Join date: May 2006
2,775 IQ
#10
that means a lot, man. I feel like my experiment with deliberately writing lyric poems has given me some of my best stuff ever over this winter. Definitely different tonally but it feels like a good direction at the moment. I'll play with the stops. Line breaks + punctuation have never been my strong suit :/

thanks so much guys :] :]
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
Last edited by jiminizzle at Mar 19, 2013,
jiminizzle
Lost Pilot
Join date: May 2006
2,775 IQ
#11
that means a lot, man. I feel like my experiment with deliberately writing lyric poems has given me some of my best stuff over this winter. Definitely different tonally but it feels like a good direction at the moment. I'll play with the stops. Line breaks + punctuation have never been my strong suit :/

thanks so much guys :] :]
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me