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#9601
It's sounds like your priorities are messed up about what compatibility is. The things you mentioned are largely superficial and do little to indicate what a person is truly like.

I'm not saying pursue it, but when you decide on who you want to be serious with, family relationships/conflict types/life philosophies are more important to determining relationship success.

Musical taste, appearance and current prospects are important but only serve to bring you closer while you decide if the person is worth the pursuit.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9602
Well I strongly stand by that if I am not sexually attracted to someone then I couldn't sustain a relationship. It is a deal breaker, as shallow as that sounds. 

And i I think the common interests thing stems from my parents shitty marriage because they have no shared interests and I see what they're missing and I want to make sure I don't have the same problem with someone because even though couples can be into different things, let's face it, a clone of yourself would get old, but there needs to be some crossover into what you're into.
Dance in the moonlight my old friend twilight


Quote by metal4eva_22
What's this about ****ing corpses? My UG senses were tingling.
#9603
Absolutely, but there's a clear difference between that statement, and this.

Quote by Nero Galon

I've never had a relationship before but I really struggle with the idea of compromising on someone for the sake of filling in a void. Just seems like the wrong way to go about it. Of course I'm not expecting someone perfect to ever meet who by chance is also into me but I at least want to feel more strongly about someone before I let them think something could happen from it.


I may be stretching here, but your parent's "shitty marriage" didn't come from them having nothing in common. It came from them not willing to grow together. But that's the true core to the marriage, not just being able to enjoy the same things. You learn to share some interests, and you keep some things to enjoy yourself so that you keep some independence.

Referencing my own relationship, I loved pokémon as a kid and I occasionally indulge my nostalgia. My partner never watched it. So she was all about a marathon of the first season and showed an interest in it. Not because she wanted to watch it, but because she knew I enjoyed it. Now we even play occasional pokémon go. She started watching more soccer because I do and I take a closer interest to hockey because she's always been a fan. I still enjoy listening to my style of music and she's crafty with her own projects. We support each other, but they're areas we enjoy away from each other. I should also mention that we're from vastly different cultures, socioeconomic upbringings, and we had little to nothing in common in terms of shallow interests. That said, she was cute, found me attractive and liked my personality. That led to talks, which led to deeper talks, sustained interest and now we're close to 4 years in. Interests now largely overlap, as she's exposed me to hers and vice versa. We have very different "shells", but value the same core concepts.

Sexual attraction is absolutely paramount to a relationship. If that's not there, then fair enough. But not liking the same things is not a sign of a lack of potential. What you value is a lot more important in those aspects, and the openness to grow and accept another person's interests is part of the process. Looking for someone tailor-made isn't only a problem because of stagnation problems, but it also means you miss out on possible connections because of waiting for it.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
Last edited by megano28 at Jun 24, 2017,
#9604
Hey all, I need an outside opinion.

A few months ago I was seeing this girl from my previous work (also current work, I was on med leave). It wasn't anything serious, we just hung out and had sex. Fast forward to like a month ago. I am now back at work and see her here from time to time, so we got talking again. Things started off alright, hung out once and went for a bike ride, nothing heavy.

My problems are twofold. First she doesnt want any kind of physical relationship right now, because thats all we did last time and it kind of ruined it (I'm good with this) except that she told me a story of her going to meet some guy on tinder. This seems like a pretty clear sign to me that I've been freindzoned, even thought she says she likes me. MY thinking is she's just too much of a wuss to tell me.

Problem two - Problem one got me thinking, so a couple days ago I told her I wanted to talk to her. I just want to know if I'm wasting my time or if theres something else going on. She said she isnt ready to have that conversation, and she's all but ignored me since. If this was any normal girl I'd be completely convinced she's just too much of a wuss to tell me she's not interested, but this girl has a fucked up past and therefor has trouble with dealing with anything serious.

Thanks for any help.
#9605
You've already had sex with her, I don't the problem here would be friend zoning of any type.

She's either just not ready for a relationship, something you'll do nothing to change despite your efforts, or she simply is no longer interested. You're better off treating it like the latter and moving on with your interests, as any effort you try to change that will likely only create a hostile environment both in a civil and professional context.

Just make sure you're not treating her specially with the hopes of winning her back. That's how you create a "friend zone" situation.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9606
Hi guys.

So i was at a music festival with my girl, and the first night there was a party. She was already very drunk at the point when she and some other friends decided to go there, and i just wanted to sleep. Obviously, i couldnt sleep so i went there after about an hour or something, im not sure. Anyway, i get there, and im just hanging back, looking at where everyone is, and i notice her and her friends in front of the stage, dancing, with her being very obviously drunk. I thought nothing of it, until i saw her making some very suggestive moves to the DJ, and then her pouting when he didnt come near. So that kinda set me off a bit, but instead of, you know, causing a clusterfuck right there, i just hung back and observed. After a while (like, a minute or two), some guy approached her, and started dancing with her. Seeing how she was drunk, she didnt even seem to notice him at first, but then they started dancing. And it got more and more... well you know. She said something to him, and then they continued dancing for another few minutes, getting more and more comfortable with each other. Hands were on hips and buts, bodies were rubbing, you know the kind. Then, all of a sudden, she just straight up bolts away towards the tents, leaving the guy there. So i follow her, and she is looking for me at my tent. She is pretty upset, suposedly because i wasnt there the exact second she came. Still drunk as hell. I get her and me into the beer line, get a beer for me and water for her, and we just hang around on a bench. She is annoying cause she is drunk, she wants to go dancing, i dont, i try to calm everything down, since she is upsed for no apparent reason. Then she pukes. I get her back to the tent, put her to sleep and then hang around with the firends a bit before i crash.

The next day she acts as if nothing happens. She doesnt know i was there before she went to look for me. Sometime before noon we are sitting in a gazeebo or whatever, and the DJ from the previous night aproaches al suave and with some cheesy pickup line, and is like super suprised that im there, and obviously picks up on the fact that im her boyfriend, so he just backs of. She says nothing. And i say nothing as well, since its a festival, and i dont wanna start a fight.

The shit kinda hit the fan on the last day when she went to the store, and drove back with the DJ. She noticed i wasnt cool, and kept bothering me until i told her everything that i saw, basicly her flirting with the dj and dancing with that guy.

Now she says that she doidnt flirt with the dj, that she just wanted him to change the song. I call bullshit, but hey, whatever. Then she tells me that she only noticed that guy dancing with her after he started touching her and then told him she has a boyfriend and imediately ran to my tent, because she knew it wasnt ok. And that she would have told me, but she didnt remember until i told her what i saw, because she was that drunk. And again, i call bullshit, because she says it was almost instant, but the whole thing lasted a few songs, not a few seconds. Even when she turned to say something to him (she says she told him "this isnt ok, i have a boyfriend"), it took another song or two for her to bolt.

Now, i feel bad. This is almost down to the letter why my previous long term relationship fell apart. I couldnt trust my ex after i caught her at a party like this, with some guy under a tree being soooooo very close. And it was becuase she was "so drunk, and nothing happened from what i remember" and whatever. And then it happened again, before we broke up. And i told all this to my current gf. She knows exactly why i have some trust issues with this kind of behaviour, and why i feel uncomfortable seeing her blind drunk. And that i hope she never puts herself into such a situation. I really really wanted to trust her, and i didnt inted to spy on her at the party, but i just noticed what she was doing when i was waiting in the beer line. Only then did i start watching. 

Am i just being a bitch here? Again, nothing, besides some flirting and (very) suggestive dancing and a bit of touching happened. And she broke away on her own and went to get me. But im still pissed. She says it was because she was drunk. So what, if she was even more drunk, it would have gone further? Like i said, i trusted her not to put herself into a situation like this, when things like these can happen, and she did. And because of my previous experience with situations exactly like this, im pretty upset. I know its not ok, but i still am. She seems genuenly sorry. But then again, so did my ex, and then she went and did it again.

Before this, she was great. She still is. We have been togehter for 6 months, and we get a long sooooo good. She is so much better for me than all my previous girlfriends. We have fun, we talk, we enjoy our time togehter... My friends tell me they never saw me happier than in the last few months. Ive never been this happy this far in a relationship with any other girl before. And this situation now, its basicly fucking all of that up. Any advice?
Joža je kul. On ma sirove z dodatki pa hambije.
#9607
Nah you have a good reason to be pissed.

Seems like there's a misunderstanding of the boundaries in your relationship. Some couples are okay with the other person dancing with strangers - I definitely am not. Maybe try to actually establish what your guys' boundaries are.

Also, start dancing with her.
My God, it's full of stars!
#9608
Quote by Dreadnought
Nah you have a good reason to be pissed.

Seems like there's a misunderstanding of the boundaries in your relationship. Some couples are okay with the other person dancing with strangers - I definitely am not. Maybe try to actually establish what your guys' boundaries are.

Also, start dancing with her.


Thats exactly it. Boundaries were established clearly. We have talked about this. A lot. She knows what the deal is, i dont mind her dancing with other people as long as its actually dancing, not bump and grind, and especially if it turns into touching. She knows this, because i have told her in those exact words, and not once. 

And i do dance with her. Thats how we came togehter actually. Im a good dancer, and we dance at like 90% of places where its socially acceptable. But i was tired from the trip and setting up everyones tents (seriously, who goes to a festival without knowing how to pitch a tent?!) and carying all the heavy stuff for a few km over the hot sun. So its not like "oh no, he never dances with me, and i love it oh so much".
Joža je kul. On ma sirove z dodatki pa hambije.
#9609
Sounds like you have legit reason to be pissed

She needs to get her shit together fam. It's not hard to not act like a flirt when drunk if you actually give a shit.
My God, it's full of stars!
#9610
Agree with dread here.

If this is something that isn't a deal breaker for you and her claims of only doing this while drunk are sincere, then the natural solution is to not let herself get that drunk again. Maybe she'll agree, maybe she won't, but if getting drunk is suddenly the catalyst to shady behavior, the she's probably not in a place where she's responsible enough to get drunk in public events.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9611
Recently moved in with my gf and her sister at my gf's request. The problem is her sister is always trying to come up with some sort of drama to bitch about (she's 21 so go figure). Today it was because I put the dishes away and apparently she HATES that. Her sister also makes it a big deal to not be alone in the apartment with me because she thinks I am going to make a pass at her (which is in no way even possible). I recently even asked her not to sit behind me in the car when we are going place's in my gf's car simply because I dont want her knees in my back but she insists it's because my gf is jealous and didnt want her sitting so close to me.
I like living with my gf and we have been making it work so I really don't want to move out but I suppose I will if it comes to that, which would also mean having to break up with my gf because neither of us wants a long distance relationship and I would have to move a few hours away if I wanted to move out tomorrow. Of course, we are already looking for our own place to live but that's going to take awhile. How do I defuse the drama and make my living situation more comfortable?
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#9612
Just tell her to grow the fuck up.

She's an adult, she's acting like a child, that's it really.
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
#9613
yeah, i suppose that's the simple answer. I figure I will just have to deal with it until we move out *sigh*
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#9614
This thread used to be more active but whatever, I fucked up a little so Ill be the one to bump it.

So I met this lovely girl at the end of may at an app (not exactly tinder, but anonymous gossip page for local colleges, like Facebook circa 2003)

We started dating at the end of June and it moved quite fast. Faster than I could control. Now I have doubts about the relationship. She is a great and caring person but I dont think that this is what I want. Cant really put my finger on it but well I dont get the butterflies anymore and I dont really get excited.

However as I said it moved quite fast, as in we even had a vacation togather... She is emotionally invested in it..

What is the best way to end it? Without devestating her life and fucking her up?
Quote by arcanom
Mint and chocolate shouldnt be togather.
"Literally Worst Post of 2k16" approved by After Eight Lovers...
#9615
Quote by arcanom
This thread used to be more active but whatever, I fucked up a little so Ill be the one to bump it.

So I met this lovely girl at the end of may at an app (not exactly tinder, but anonymous gossip page for local colleges, like Facebook circa 2003)

We started dating at the end of June and it moved quite fast. Faster than I could control. Now I have doubts about the relationship. She is a great and caring person but I dont think that this is what I want. Cant really put my finger on it but well I dont get the butterflies anymore and I dont really get excited.

However as I said it moved quite fast, as in we even had a vacation togather... She is emotionally invested in it..

What is the best way to end it? Without devestating her life and fucking her up?


The best way to end it is to end it quickly before she gets even more attached. You don't have to make something up, just tell her the truth. But do it now because the longer you wait, the harder it will be. And don't worry about it "fucking her up." People end relationships all the time. She might be sad for a while but she will get over it, it's what people do.
#9616
MeGaDeth2314

Sound advice. Ill do it as soon as we are back to our homes and dust settles.
Quote by arcanom
Mint and chocolate shouldnt be togather.
"Literally Worst Post of 2k16" approved by After Eight Lovers...
#9617
Yeah, I agree. To be honest, it's going to go down a little cliche with the "it's not you, it's me", but that's what this is. Normally when people freak out because of the speed, it's usually indicative of not being emotionally ready. For those reasons, I wouldn't recommend dating for a while after.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9618
Feel like I might post a more positive relationship story in here, considering a lot of my negative posts litter the pages here.

So, for a bit of context, I used to always get real bad anxiety when dating, as in I used to become a nervous wreck when I wasn't in contact with girlfriends and it kinda ruined me. I ended up getting counselling for it earlier this year, and I hadn't really dated at all until I moved to the city.

So back in the city, I jump back on a couple of dating sites I've used in the past, chat with a few people, but nothing too interesting comes from it. Then I start chatting to this girl, who seems pretty cool, we chat for a few days before I'm like "lets grab a drink at a cool bar near my place".

And from there it just keeps going, we make all these plans to do stuff, and often the night just ends with us talking for literally hours about a whole array of topics, and emotionally we seem to be on the same wavelength. Generally we don't message each other during the day because we both work full time, previously that would have left me feeling awful, but now I feel great, I feel normal, I feel like I'm actually enjoying dating someone for the first time in years.

tldr; Met a cool girl, I'm having lots of fun, and I'm not feeling shitty about it.
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
#9619
Props for counseling. It's definitely easier to just ignore your demons, so it's great that you received the tools to have a healthier relationship.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9620
i_lovemetallica

Great hearing that you are enjoying your relationship and congrats on having the balls to determining the problem and taking necessary steps to solve it

megano28MeGaDeth2314

Do you have any recommendation for setting/medium? I dont wanna do it ovee text or phone but being there wouldnt be the most comfortable for me if she falls apart...
Quote by arcanom
Mint and chocolate shouldnt be togather.
"Literally Worst Post of 2k16" approved by After Eight Lovers...
#9621
Moved in with my Missus around 4 months ago. We've been together for 14 months. We've both had serious relationships in the past, but this is just next level.

We'll get married one day
RIP Tom Searle.
#9622
arcanom

In person. It may end up being uncomfortable for you, but the level of abandonment she'd feel through the other impersonal options would be dramatically more damaging, in comparison.

You don't owe her your love, but she deserves your respect.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9623
In all of the years that I have followed these threads, this is the first time that I am actually looking to ask for advice. I don't have any dating experience due to being a seriously introverted and nervous person majority of my life. I've lately gotten out of it the past few years, though. I'll get into the situation and what I can do to get further with it.
Quick Background:

Summer of 2015, I ended up leaving my "college job" in pursuit of a job as a technician, realized the job wasn't for me, and ended up returning back to my college job as a deli clerk/kitchen hand/fryer full-time at a grocery store that November. I was, at that point in time, well liked in my department, but I began to come more out of my shell and began talking to more people throughout the store now to be the most liked person there.

In November 2015, this one girl started working there as a cashier/customer service chick named Morgan. She was pretty cute, 1.5 year younger than me, and we got along with one another. We would talk a bit whenever we were in the break room together or whenever I saw her when she was leaving. Over the past 2 years, we've kept up talking on occasion, and each conversation we had, she was definitely very easy going and cool to get along with. She is definitely is a bright girl, is a good worker, very kind, slightly "nerdy," and is very into music.

The Current Situation:

We talked very briefly on Facebook about work, how it can be stressful at times, and how she went out to the beach this past Friday. So, I have two co-workers (who I am close with) know that I've had a bit of a crush on her, and I told the two of them individually (either in text or in person) that the next time I see her, I am asking her out and I didn't care anymore.

So, last night, as I am leaving working after a day of being the fry cook in the kitchen, I see Morgan at customer service. The conversation starts off about me asking her how the beach was, where in New Jersey she went (we live in Pennsylvania, irrelevant, I know), and she showed me some sunburn she got on her back. The conversation led to us talking about when we were working this week; to which this led to us either A) working similiar days or B) her being there on my days off.

Shortly after that, I asked her verbatim "Hey, I've been a little nervous with wanting to asking you this, but I was wondering if you wanted to hang out after work sometime?" Morgan ended up responding with "Yeah, totally. We're going to have figure out a day when we're both off together. Message me on Facebook sometime [so we can do that]." I was a bit excited, agreed that we do have to figure it out, and eventually I  ended up going home.

In Short:

I asked out a girl, she said yes and that we have to figure out a time when we're both free, and to message her on Facebook. Now I am excited, yet nervous. Totally wasn't expecting her to say yes, and now I really don't know where to go from here. I know I should wait a couple days before even messaging her, and I already have an idea of what to do (Bowling, Playing some pool, and maybe some Pizza).

I am pretty excited, but a bit scared. Did I do well? What could I do to really step up my game a bit? I mean, we can hold conversations pretty well in person and what not.

I appreciate the help for my noobish ways lol.
Skip the username, call me Billy
#9624
aerosmithfan95 You did well, although you didn't need to tell her that you were nervous to ask her out, it can, sometimes make a situation uncomfortable (she might think: why was he nervous to ask me out, does he have deeper feelings,etc.). Your date ideas are good, don't try to take her out to an intimate place just yet (cinema for example), hitchhiking can be a good one to put on there too if you guys are active and whatnot.

Wait a couple of days indeed before you propose something, but when you do ask her out, tell her a time (or times) and activity, don't ask: when do you want us to go out.

Now for the dating part, just be relaxed and don't pressure yourself to make physical contact if the opportunity doesn't present itself (I know some folks like to get touchy and stuff but it's not necessary imo). Maybe think about a couple of subjects that you two are interested in in case you get nervous and the flow of the conversation stalls, or you can think of things you would like to ask her to get to know her better. And finally, if things go well, after your day together is over you can invite her somewhere else to eat or have a drink, or if she's gotta go to her place you can accompany her and try to go in for the kiss or if you wanna play it safe/slow give her a long hug (don't force it), but since you guys are coworkers I'd probably go for hug first and see if it gets to somewhere else from there. Take in account that if you try too much and she doesn't feel that kind of way about you, it might get awkward at the workplace.
#9625
megano28

Hey. We had talk with her. I told her all about it and it went alot more emotional for me than what I expected. We talked about our past and I told her about why I its a huge struggle for me to get attached to a person. In short, its daddy-mommy issues and a bad divorce followed by me getting treated for major depression for 2 years and other shit.

It feels so fucking weird now because I deeply care about her. She is an amazing person and I feel loved when I am with her. However Im not sure if I can continue with it. It feels like I will either hurt or get hurt... It may sound stupid because Im uncertain if she is the correct person and there is no answer to it.
Quote by arcanom
Mint and chocolate shouldnt be togather.
"Literally Worst Post of 2k16" approved by After Eight Lovers...
Last edited by arcanom at Aug 17, 2017,
#9627
Whenever you start to feel regret or think that it was a bad decision, remember why you broke up. That emptiness always feels shitty. Just don't let it be what clouds your decision-making. It'll get better, no matter how in love you feel you were, it always gets better
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9628
Yeah, I know.

The worst thing is, by getting with that gf, I threw away another girl. 

And I still regret that.

Would be so weird to message her 3 years later, but fuck, she was cool.
#9629
Honestly, there's no guarantee that she'd be any better. Your best bet now is figuring out where you came short and working on that. A relationship that lasted 3 years and failed rarely, if ever, comes down to one party being completely at fault while the other is spotless. People that are properly grounded don't stay with people that aren't for that long.

Right now, the best thing you can do for your future is working on that. Besides, hitting up a potential flame from three years ago for the first time shortly following a break up? That's as transparent as it comes. Don't make that mistake.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9630
Got a slight problem.

Been seeing a girl for about a month and a half now, and every time we've hung out, it's been good, we both like each other, and have a good time together. The problem is, it's been a couple of weeks since our last date, and she's seemed kind of distant. I'm not sure if it's because she's super busy, or if she's lost interest. I think my mind is kind of playing against me here, because it has just been a busy time from the sounds of it, but I can't help but think of the worst. 

She's said maybe we could do something this weekend and while we haven't nailed down any plans, if it goes to ahead, then I don't have any problems. 

However, if it gets put off again, should I ask her if she doesn't want to see me anymore? I know it could potentially come off as a bit clingy, but I believe communication is best here, and if she has no intention of seeing me, then I'd rather her just tell me that, rather than me fruitlessly keep trying to make plans with her. Obviously, I'd try and word it as best I can, because I really hope I am reading this wrong, but I don't know whether it would be better just leaving it and putting the ball in her court if she wants to carry on.
WHOMP

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
#9631
Quote by The_Blode


^ I'm no good at relationship advice all I can say this is a pretty precarious situation and I hope it works out for you. . .I think she should be biting her your hand off to spend time with you but I don't know anything about relationships to offer you good advice. . .

Yeah so a quick update on that - it ended. She said that it wasn't anything I said or did, but she didn't really see it going anywhere. Didn't really hit home at first but my ego has been kind of bruised for the past week and I've been trying to get myself back together. The main thing I'm trying to do is stay positive and see it as a few weeks of fun, and trying not to take it too personally that it didn't work out. I know it was a very short thing, but during that time, I was feeling really confident in myself and it was exciting. 

I'm getting there though. I'm trying to be objective and realise that this kind of thing happens to anyone, and any emotions that I feel about it are natural, and just something that needs to be ridden out.
WHOMP

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
#9632
Stuck in an awkward situation. 

Had a new girlfriend for last 6 weeks. Everything was going great until we had some arguments and a train-wreck of a week last week. She is cool but a bit younger so still terrible at communicating (that's what i get for dating 18 year old's), ended up just shutting down any discussion and telling me it was over. I did my usual thing I do if I ever get dumped and got really slutty. Slept with an ex-hookup that evening, and a new girl from tinder the next morning. Today my ex messages me telling me she thinks she made a mistake, and that she can work on being less immature and communicating better, and that she wants a few days to think and then continue things. Oops. I do want to give her another shot but I sorta jumped the gun with the rebound sex.

What would you guys do? 
#9633
Quote by GoldfishMoon
Stuck in an awkward situation. 

Had a new girlfriend for last 6 weeks. Everything was going great until we had some arguments and a train-wreck of a week last week. She is cool but a bit younger so still terrible at communicating (that's what i get for dating 18 year old's), ended up just shutting down any discussion and telling me it was over. I did my usual thing I do if I ever get dumped and got really slutty. Slept with an ex-hookup that evening, and a new girl from tinder the next morning. Today my ex messages me telling me she thinks she made a mistake, and that she can work on being less immature and communicating better, and that she wants a few days to think and then continue things. Oops. I do want to give her another shot but I sorta jumped the gun with the rebound sex.

What would you guys do? 


Depends on if you think you could make it work. Be honest about hooking up with other people though - it'll come up eventually and so I reckon it's better that you get it out there now and if she can accept it then good, if not, leave it. 

Also, The_Blode yeah, we were making plans pretty much every week when we were seeing each other, but I could tell something was up after our last date. Now, over a week later, I'm still kind of gutted that it ended, but at the same time, it kind of felt like it wasn't really going anywhere. I've been trying to keep busy, and plucked up the courage to ask a couple of people out, albeit, with limited success, but the main thing is, I'm getting my confidence back and feel like I've grown from this.
WHOMP

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
Last edited by donender at Sep 12, 2017,
#9634
How the fuck do you deal with it with your depressive girlfriend tells you she doesn't love you anymore? From one day to the next? Because I fucked up and became obsessive about somethings?

When you love her still so fucking much? And don't know what to do without her? And the facts that she tells you this rips you apart inside and you don't know how to fucking deal with it?

You know a similar connection will never come again? People may say "something new will come along" but you don't fucking want it? Because you want that? And everything changed in three days?

How the fuck do you do it? How? How how how? I'm fucking crying as I'm writing this and have no idea what to do....
Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise
Last edited by Krieger91 at Sep 21, 2017,
#9636
Quote by TheChaz
wish me luck pit

Luck pit.
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this is your brain

this is your brain on RT

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Given that you reside in the shade of the natural light of reason, I will defer doing your homework to you.
#9637
was with girl for 6 months. everyting good. however she was with abusive guy for 1.5 yrs, 6 months before our relationship began. it still plagues her a lot and she gets upset about it pretty much every day. we broke up after i moved away due to the distance and not feeling that connected anymore, which came from the fact that any time she wanted to bring up her ex, it kind of pissed me off. i don't know why... it's like, it made me feel anxious and jealous and it annoyed me that her ex kept coming up, even though she maintains that she doesn't love him anymore and he is not an 'ex' to her, he is just someone who abused her. and she needs to tell me this stuff because i am the person she loves the most.

when we broke up, i told her it was right. she said she doesn't feel a connection after i left which broke my heart but i accpeted it and tried to just continue about my life. towards the end of the relationship, she was emotionally abusive towards me, distancing herself a lot and rarely making an effort to be with me or message me, other than her thinly veiled attempts at trying to make me jealous by sending me pics of her out with other people. i visited her a lot, she never visited me. I told her we shouldn't be together because she is not ready to be vulnerable yet and to be with someone else. from this point forward, she would still message me on occasion, even after i said we should stop talking, more than once. she then asked if i want to call her, if we want to work things out, about 2 weeks after. then 2 weeks after that (which is yesterday) she asked again, if i can please call her. so i gave in and called her cos i care about her. basically she wants to be with me again and she wants to come and visit me in manchester to try to work things out, but it still smells like shit to me.

i am posting here because i am very conflicted here. even though this ex of hers is not around and they rarely talk (except when she sends him long angry messages) i see it as a red flag that she is constantly reminded of him, by everything. i get jealous and anxious and it ruined the way i felt about us. when i tell her that, she says that is incredibly selfish and it makes her feel very ashamed about being abused when i react in that way. but i can't help it. anyway, i was wondering what your guys' advice is. i think that we shouldn't be together right now, but she keeps wanting to work things out, even though one month ago she broke my heart and told me that she doesn't know if she wants to be in a relationship, even though she loves me. it's a tough one, but ye, help me pls pit. if you can't tell me what to do, at least offer some anecdotes or let me know how i should handle this. the first half of our relationship was more than perfect, it is when we started to talk about her ex more and her abuse when the distance began to enter our relationship. it really bothered me that she was constantly upset over him.
"I specialize in driving a set like I'm driving a Lexus" - Uncle Mez
Last edited by laid-to-waste at Nov 12, 2017,
#9638
laid-to-waste

I agree with you when you said she's not ready to ready to be a in a relationship. I would stick to your guns and continue with that message. If necessary, set clear lines about not being approached to work it out anymore, and if she continues to solicit you, then begin blocking her.

Trust is such a fickle thing sometimes, that if she's doing something to make you insecure and she doesn't have any real interest in stopping, then that is enough of a red flag for the relationship. Even if she genuinely wasn't doing anything wrong, you cannot be in a relationship where you have that much doubt being inserted into your relationship.

Hopefully, she gets some counseling and outside help, but it almost sounds like she doesn't want to be alone and is willing to being with you if that means not experiencing that discomfort. I'd also discount the beginning of the relationship, only because it's really easy for things to be incredible when you can still lie to your SO about who you truly are. It sounds like the last half is more indicative of who she has been for this stage of her life.

Best of luck

Edit:Grammar was horrendous
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Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

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once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
Last edited by megano28 at Nov 12, 2017,
#9639
megano28 thank you for your help, i have done everything you recommended because you are right. i told her i dont want to talk to her or to try again or to see eachother etc. it's a shame it's her birthday today because i know she won't handle this well and will probably message me again, and i don't want to block her.
"I specialize in driving a set like I'm driving a Lexus" - Uncle Mez