Page 240 of 240
#9561
Have you actually locked in a date with her? Your post isn't too clear
Today I introduced myself
to my own feelings
#9562
i_lovemetallica

not 100%. I asked her out for friday, she said she may not be available and asked me when I am available. told her I cant during the weekend daytime, she said "alright Ill figure it out let you know".

so its not certain but why would she 1) text despite me not having her number 2) not reject but "figure out" if she was gonna bail anyway..

I guess im stressing out too much
Quote by arcanom
Mint and chocolate shouldnt be togather.
"Literally Worst Post of 2k16" approved by After Eight Lovers...
#9563
Yeah you are a bit, personally I'd just leave it a little bit and shoot her a message the day before or something asking how she's gone getting herself ready for Friday.

If she's got herself sorted, go for it, if she makes some lame excuses or doesn't reply, then move on

Gotta say, wish I had your confidence when it comes to giving out my number
Today I introduced myself
to my own feelings
#9564
i_lovemetallica

you should! I hate asking for numbers but giving them away is amazingly easy. No girl ever rejects getting a number because it gives them confidence and freedom. If she texts back its a win, if she doesnt then you save your face from getting rejected.

Also if you are really ballsy, type your number, when she asks if she had the name right, add a heart emoji at the end of your name. works everytime 80% of the time. (or never with girls above college age)

I think Ill do as you say and wait till thursday afternoon.
#9565
So, guys, here is my latest conundrum. Back in november i think, i wrote about how my relationship is shity, and so on. After a lot of thinking, i decided to end it, and we broke up a few days after new years. We were together for 3 and a half years, so its not something that i did lightly, but i still think it was for the better. Still miss her dog tho.

Anyway, at that time i also met a new girl. It was pretty abvious she was into me, and since i was newely single, i didnt exacly waste time jumping into bed with her, because for one, i found her attractive, and second, because i knew that after i do that, there is no chance for me to get back with my ex, even if we both fell into those "maybe we can still make it work" modes. The sex turned into being fwbs and then into hanging out, and now its... well, its something more. She is fun to hang out with, talk to, she is smart, funny, doesnt get offended by my jokes, the sex is amazing... We spend a lot of time together, and i have ot say i enjoy ever minute of it. It feels different than with my ex, where there was some kind of awkwardness even from the start. In short, everything is going great.

And of course i wouldnt be me, if i didnt start panicking right about now. Is this to fast? I pretty much jumped from a 3 year relationship into this in a matter of weeks. Even less if you count the first time we had sex, it was like a week since the breakup to this new girl. Am i just reabounding? I admit, i was just looking for some fun, and i wanted to start dating again, and see a bunch of girls and so on, but now i dont anymore. But i am scared that i am trying to replace my ex with the new girl. Or whatever. I thought about this a lot, and i even brought it up with her, but i have no clear answer. I dont THINK i am rebounding or just using her for sex or whatever, i think i genuenly like her. But ive always been pretty good at lying to myself, so theres that. I havent had any contact with my ex since we broke up. I think of her sometimes, but not in a way like "i miss her so much my heart is tearing, and i want her back!". I just dont know if what im doing is ok or not. Because this new girl is great, and i really dont wanna fuck her over, if in a few months i decide i was actually just rebounding. But i dont wanna let her go, just because i feel a bit confused, because as i said, she is great. If i met her in normal single circumstances, i would probably say she is the one, but right now? Maybe im just crazy.
Joža je kul. On ma sirove z dodatki pa hambije.
#9566
I've been with my girlfriend near 2.5 years. Our relationship is fine, but we do argue quite a lot. I'm 25 and working full time, she's 21 and a student and I just feel we're worlds apart when it comes to so many things. 

My biggest thing, however, is that I practically moved to another country for her and I'm still here. When I came here, I relied on her but now I've built a life here and she relies on me. I feel like I haven't had a chance to find myself here. My life here has been an 'us' rather than a 'me' and I'm worried I'll never get that chance as she really wants to move in together this summer. I don't know what to do with it. If I hated her, or didn't love her it would be so simple but I genuinely love her; I just want my own time to do my own thing without leaving her behind. For example, I'd love to travel the rest of Europe with my best mate, hit a music festival etc. But instead all my money is going to moving in and holidays with her. And I know she'd be so angry at me if I did either of those things without her. The things I always wanted to do by myself or with a friend are now 'us' things.

Am I a selfish arsehole? Or normal?
#9567
Tanglewoodguit have you spoken to her about what your dreams are? In my experience, relationships where you insist on doing everything and anything together can be really exhausting. But have you talked to her about your aspirations? She may not realise you want to do all these things and just assume that you're happy hanging with her all the time.
Today I introduced myself
to my own feelings
#9568
Quote by i_lovemetallica
Tanglewoodguit have you spoken to her about what your dreams are? In my experience, relationships where you insist on doing everything and anything together can be really exhausting. But have you talked to her about your aspirations? She may not realise you want to do all these things and just assume that you're happy hanging with her all the time.

We had a big argument because I suggested that I wanted to go to this festival in Warsaw this summer and obviously she wanted to go too because she'd never been to one. 

Basically most of the things I haven't done, she hasn't either so she wants to/will want to.

I'm really conflicted and lost at the moment. Because I'm not ready to be in THE relationship I'm in for the rest of my life. I'm really not. I want to go out and be me and only me for a while. Especially with the whole living in a different country thing. As I said, I pretty much moved here for her after meeting her on a night out on holiday. I mean, how crazy is that?
#9569
Ah ok, I think I'm understanding the context. Aside from you, does your gf has any friends or family that she can hang out with? 

And yeah, pretty crazy story, but its more exciting than tinder
Today I introduced myself
to my own feelings
#9570
7 days in the week.

5/7 days are blocked off by work.
2/7 days are blocked off by seeing her.
4/7 nights are blocked off by seeing her.

Before I even begin to look at what I want to do, well over a half of my week is gone. I guess I just want a bit of freedom back. I want to find me in this country, I want to take my life back from the us that it has turned into. And it's only going to get worse moving in together. Especially considering this will be her first time living independently. Whereas I've been living independently since I was 18. So an additional fear is I'll be babysitting and looking after her; taking the role of her parents which makes my concerns above even worse.

I'm proper torn by it. As I said, it would be easy if I didn't love her.

Ah ok, I think I'm understanding the context. Aside from you, does your gf has any friends or family that she can hang out with?

And yeah, pretty crazy story, but its more exciting than tinder


Not really, which makes it worse. Her friends all went away for uni, or she stopped talking with them. I keep trying to push her to do more things. It's funny though, my best mate here has the same situation almost to the letter. We are our girlfriend's hobbies. And it's draining.
Last edited by Tanglewoodguit at Mar 14, 2017,
#9571
Have you perhaps tried finding something for her to do in her spare time, it could be cooking, it could be knitting, it could be fixing cars, but it sounds like she needs an outlet besides 
Today I introduced myself
to my own feelings
#9573
Quote by gorkyporky
So, guys, here is my latest conundrum. Back in november i think, i wrote about how my relationship is shity, and so on. After a lot of thinking, i decided to end it, and we broke up a few days after new years. We were together for 3 and a half years, so its not something that i did lightly, but i still think it was for the better. Still miss her dog tho.

Anyway, at that time i also met a new girl. It was pretty abvious she was into me, and since i was newely single, i didnt exacly waste time jumping into bed with her, because for one, i found her attractive, and second, because i knew that after i do that, there is no chance for me to get back with my ex, even if we both fell into those "maybe we can still make it work" modes. The sex turned into being fwbs and then into hanging out, and now its... well, its something more. She is fun to hang out with, talk to, she is smart, funny, doesnt get offended by my jokes, the sex is amazing... We spend a lot of time together, and i have ot say i enjoy ever minute of it. It feels different than with my ex, where there was some kind of awkwardness even from the start. In short, everything is going great.

And of course i wouldnt be me, if i didnt start panicking right about now. Is this to fast? I pretty much jumped from a 3 year relationship into this in a matter of weeks. Even less if you count the first time we had sex, it was like a week since the breakup to this new girl. Am i just reabounding? I admit, i was just looking for some fun, and i wanted to start dating again, and see a bunch of girls and so on, but now i dont anymore. But i am scared that i am trying to replace my ex with the new girl. Or whatever. I thought about this a lot, and i even brought it up with her, but i have no clear answer. I dont THINK i am rebounding or just using her for sex or whatever, i think i genuenly like her. But ive always been pretty good at lying to myself, so theres that. I havent had any contact with my ex since we broke up. I think of her sometimes, but not in a way like "i miss her so much my heart is tearing, and i want her back!". I just dont know if what im doing is ok or not. Because this new girl is great, and i really dont wanna fuck her over, if in a few months i decide i was actually just rebounding. But i dont wanna let her go, just because i feel a bit confused, because as i said, she is great. If i met her in normal single circumstances, i would probably say she is the one, but right now? Maybe im just crazy.

Pretty easy to tell if you're rebounding. 

1. Would you still hang out with her if she wasn't sleeping with you?
2. What interests do you share? 
3. Outside of flirting and similar exchanges, what do you talk about?

Not only is the content of your answers important, but also the speed you created them. Where I wouldn't engage in new relationships before the ashes of the previous union lost their heat, it can be accomplished. The only thing I can say is that you don't need time to judge whether this is you coping with the previous loss. It just requires that you look at your interaction as a matter of fact vs a matter of infatuation. 


Quote by Tanglewoodguit
I've been with my girlfriend near 2.5 years. Our relationship is fine, but we do argue quite a lot. I'm 25 and working full time, she's 21 and a student and I just feel we're worlds apart when it comes to so many things. 

My biggest thing, however, is that I practically moved to another country for her and I'm still here. When I came here, I relied on her but now I've built a life here and she relies on me. I feel like I haven't had a chance to find myself here. My life here has been an 'us' rather than a 'me' and I'm worried I'll never get that chance as she really wants to move in together this summer. I don't know what to do with it. If I hated her, or didn't love her it would be so simple but I genuinely love her; I just want my own time to do my own thing without leaving her behind. For example, I'd love to travel the rest of Europe with my best mate, hit a music festival etc. But instead all my money is going to moving in and holidays with her. And I know she'd be so angry at me if I did either of those things without her. The things I always wanted to do by myself or with a friend are now 'us' things.

Am I a selfish arsehole? Or normal?

Based off of your previous posts, it sounds like the codependency runs deep with you two. The reality is that this is your life, and is no longer something that you can complain about and detach. You've chosen to give up your comfort for hers. The exploration you dream of is not something you do in a relationship for the reasons you mentioned. You won't be able to without resentment, ESPECIALLY because she hasn't done it before. You're at the point where you seem to have lost the newness of it all. If being with her is draining, you have to change something. Because eventually, no matter how beautiful she is, you'll be over her shit and she'll actually become aversive to you. 
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9574
Quote by megano28
Pretty easy to tell if you're rebounding. 

1. Would you still hang out with her if she wasn't sleeping with you?
2. What interests do you share? 
3. Outside of flirting and similar exchanges, what do you talk about?

Not only is the content of your answers important, but also the speed you created them. Where I wouldn't engage in new relationships before the ashes of the previous union lost their heat, it can be accomplished. The only thing I can say is that you don't need time to judge whether this is you coping with the previous loss. It just requires that you look at your interaction as a matter of fact vs a matter of infatuation. 


1. Yes
2. We seem to have a shared interest in a lot of popular culture, we both like going to concerts, and some other trivial stuff that i noticed, but i have to admit that i havent had the chance to know her that well. For example, i dunno if she has a deep infatuation with gardening, or if she collects ww2 airplane models... But so far we seem to share a lot of stuff in common. She is not a musician tho, so there goes that, but she does seem to be into music a lot, and i had a bunch of discussions about that with her as well. We also studied the same field, and while i still remain in graphic design, she moved into video editing, but we talk about that a lot, since we both know about each others professions, and deal with the same problems at work (annoying clients mostly). 
3. Like i said, work, movies, books, people, music... There have also been pretty in depth discussions about our previous relationships, we talked about family, friends, travel, plans for the future. We even talked about kids at one point, not like planing them, but just telling each other if we ever want them or not, and if we see ourselves having a family. 

So yes, there is obviously a lot of "oh boy, i would like you to tickle my pickle" talk going on, but there is also... more. Actually the "more" part takes way more talking time than the flirting. Thats why im so suprised, i was expecting just a short and hot affair, where either one of us grows tired of the other one, but it just isnt going that way. And we both wanted to take it slow, and said that even if anything serious happens, we are gonna take our time, but everything is just progressing, and tbh, it doesnt feel wrong or rushed. 
Joža je kul. On ma sirove z dodatki pa hambije.
#9575
Quote by gorkyporky
In short, everything is going great.

<massive wall of paranoid insecurity>

Dude, everything's going great. You said so yourself. Chill.
#9576
Yo RT, I went on a date past Saturday and I'd like some insights.

This girl and I met at a mutual friend's party about two weeks ago. We got along fairly well, had a nice chat at the end of the night, even got down to some personal stuff.

And then I didn't ask for them digits and we said goodbye with a handshake. Woops.
Needless to say, I needed to mend this mistake. I made sure I got her on FB. Decided to wait a few days until shooting her a message. Then she messaged me, instead. Some quip about our profile pics looking similar. We get to messaging each other from time to time, I make sure to get her number after a few convos, arrange a date. Conversations are few and far between, bc she is very busy. But when she had the time, she made sure to engage and seemed happy to be talking to me. And it was clear what the intention was, even if the convos weren't altogether flirty.

So Saturday came along and we went to have a drink at this local bar, outside. Once again, lots of conversation, trying to get to know each other. Turns out she is a lot like me. Not great at expressing emotions, very practical minded, not favourable to touching or being touched by people unless entirely comfortable with them. Hard to read, though.

And the night is going fine, for two peeps having a drink and a chat. Cute girl, lots of things in common. But I kept feeling something was missing. The vibe that was there two weeks before, and while messaging each other, just seemed to be absent. At one point the thought of "I don't think this is going anywhere." popped up in my head. And I just felt nothing, empty, maybe disappointed.
Despite this, I did ask her if she wanted to have another drink in the future. "Yeah, sure, I don't see why not. This was fun."

Now I've been pondering what it was that planted that seed of doubt in me. Maybe the lack of initiative on my part, fueled by hers and both of us being nervous. Maybe it was a semi-logical conclusion I unconsciously made, a "maybe we're just not compatible" kind of deal. Or maybe I just misread the situation and we could be fine, and it's just the fact that we're both so introverted and slow to warm up to people that got in the way, and it just needs time.

I either cannot tell or am in denial. What do you think?
My Gear:
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#9577
^ Tbh, I'd probably give it another meeting, your nerves might have just been in the way. But if you go out again and something like that is just missing, then just be upfront with her about it, and then move on in whatever direction from there.

On an unrelated note, a girl I went on a few dates with did the whole "I just wanna be friends thing" to me tonight, it's a harsh blow, but it gives you the freedom to move on at least.
Today I introduced myself
to my own feelings
#9578
Randio

A lot of people pull out the opposites attract jargon for good reason. While it's incredibly important that your core values are reflected in your prospective partners, sometimes being too similar in the superficial aspects makes interaction stale. I'd try another date, but don't be too hard on yourself if you don't feel the chemistry the same way.

i_lovemetallica

Just look at it as her doing you a favor. It's always hard to not take it personally, but as much about you as it is about her.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9579
Colohue Yeah, its just that everyone is telling me im going to fast. It kinda psyched me out.
Joža je kul. On ma sirove z dodatki pa hambije.
#9580
Hi,

I'ts been so long since i've been here...
I have a situation and I'm really hoping you guys wont tell me to leave her alone and find someone else, as I really don't wanna do that.

I met this girl on tinder. we seemed to hit it off.  got her number, which she says she never ever gives to anyone and that I'm the only one who got it.  
started texting every day almost all day long from last week until now.  Today I aksed her out, and she had told me before that she has commitment issues. I don't know why because I didn't ask why, as I wanted to keep the conversation light instead of a depressing life story talk.  I figured we'd get to that point later on.
Anyway,  she tells me she usually doesn't go on dates because she is scared we will "get along too good". for the record:  I've not met her yet. Still I feel a big connection and she did say she likes me. She even told some friends about my existence. which seems weird to do when you have connection issues.

I really don't have anyone else I'm interested in, and yes I am still on tinder and talking to girl in bars and stuff in the meantime, but I do want to see if I can get together with this particular girl, because we seem to hit on so many levels, it's insane.  How do I approach this?  I don't want to come on too strong because  it seems to me that a girl with commitment issues is easily pushed away if you start a discussion abou not daring.  

She told me we'd talk about it tomorrow, so some tips would be greatly appreciated.
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My beginner rig:

Epiphone Goth G-400 SG
Line 6 Spider IV (Don't judge me, I was young and stupid)
Stagg SW203N
Yamaha APX500
#9582
Quote by BjarnedeGraaf
Hi,

I'ts been so long since i've been here...
I have a situation and I'm really hoping you guys wont tell me to leave her alone and find someone else, as I really don't wanna do that.

I met this girl on tinder. we seemed to hit it off.  got her number, which she says she never ever gives to anyone and that I'm the only one who got it.  
started texting every day almost all day long from last week until now.  Today I aksed her out, and she had told me before that she has commitment issues. I don't know why because I didn't ask why, as I wanted to keep the conversation light instead of a depressing life story talk.  I figured we'd get to that point later on.
Anyway,  she tells me she usually doesn't go on dates because she is scared we will "get along too good". for the record:  I've not met her yet. Still I feel a big connection and she did say she likes me. She even told some friends about my existence. which seems weird to do when you have connection issues.

I really don't have anyone else I'm interested in, and yes I am still on tinder and talking to girl in bars and stuff in the meantime, but I do want to see if I can get together with this particular girl, because we seem to hit on so many levels, it's insane.  How do I approach this?  I don't want to come on too strong because  it seems to me that a girl with commitment issues is easily pushed away if you start a discussion abou not daring.  

She told me we'd talk about it tomorrow, so some tips would be greatly appreciated.


Leave her the fuck alone. People who have "commitment issues" are toxic and are not people you'll 'save'. At best, she has major issues which will set up countless roadblocks. At worst, she's set the precedent to how she'll leave you.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9583
guess you are right. we didn't even talk about it.  I asked about and she just didn't respond. fuck it. I have so much going for me at this point in life but I'd trade it all for a relationship at this point, which is probably why I am hanging on to this chick.  Thanks for the advice.
My Soundcloud

My beginner rig:

Epiphone Goth G-400 SG
Line 6 Spider IV (Don't judge me, I was young and stupid)
Stagg SW203N
Yamaha APX500
#9585
TheChaz 

fungible, huh, cool word to add to the vocabulary cheers
Dance in the moonlight my old friend twilight


Quote by metal4eva_22
What's this about ****ing corpses? My UG senses were tingling.
#9586
Quote by BjarnedeGraaf
guess you are right. we didn't even talk about it.  I asked about and she just didn't respond. fuck it. I have so much going for me at this point in life but I'd trade it all for a relationship at this point, which is probably why I am hanging on to this chick.  Thanks for the advice.


Probably needs to be addressed. Looking for a relationship with that mindset is only going to set you up for failure. When you stop focusing on that, you'd be surprised how it all works out
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9587
Hey guys, it's been a loooooong time since I've posted on the UG forums (I think almost 3 years now?), but I decided to pop into the ol' RT with a question about my current situation.

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 3 months now, and I've been having doubts over the past couple of weeks about whether I want to be in this relationship going forward. The thing is, there's nothing really wrong. We get along really well and have a lot in common, and we always have a lot of fun together, but since the beginning I've gotten the vibe that she's way more into me than I am into her. Which isn't to say I don't like her or care about her, because I really do. She's incredibly kind and smart and funny and I feel like I should be way more into her than I am. I'm just at a loss as to what to do, since this is my first relationship in several years and the first time I've been the one who isn't sure about continuing it. 

So my question is, how do I even begin to talk to her about this? Like I said, she hasn't done anything wrong since we've started dating, so I'm afraid this is going to feel out of the blue for her. Any thoughts/advice?
#9588
HeavyMetalMan28 

Introduces the question: Can you build a sustaining relationship without mutual passion in the beginning over time?

Something tells me a lot of people would say its not worth going forward if there isn't any passion at that stage in the relationship. 
Dance in the moonlight my old friend twilight


Quote by metal4eva_22
What's this about ****ing corpses? My UG senses were tingling.
#9589
That's pretty much where I fall on that topic, which makes me think that I should probably just end it before she gets even more attached.

It just sucks. We haven't talked extensively about our romantic histories, but from what I gather based on what she's told me I'm pretty much the first guy she's been with who hasn't treated her like garbage. I'm also her first official boyfriend. I just hate the idea of hurting her like that, even though I think it'll be better for us both in the end.
#9590
So I was really bored a couple of weeks ago and opened Bumble and started swiping. I ended up matching with this really cute girl who messaged me. We talked for a couple of days and then went out to get coffee. Turns out she's literally probably a genius, super nice, easy talk to, etc. She messaged me again today asking when I want to hang out again, so we have tentative plans to go get dinner and see a movie on Tuesday. No real advice or anything needed, other than LOL ME I'm getting butterflies, but I've been single for nearly 6 years, so it would be nice if this works out.
#9591
TheChaz 

awesome.

been using tinder the last month or two. 

Fuck this app like for real lol. I genuinely believe majority of people on there use it as a way of measuring their own appeal for an ego boost or some shit with zero intentions of ever taking things anywhere.

i also signed up to match for the sake of seeing what it was like, and unless you're paying there's barely any point to it. Also noticed in general there is a mild difference between the profiles on tinder and match.

Dont see harm in trying bumble, the concept also did seem like it would cut the bullshit.
Dance in the moonlight my old friend twilight


Quote by metal4eva_22
What's this about ****ing corpses? My UG senses were tingling.
#9592
Nero Galon

Yeah, I've had absolutely 0 luck from Tinder. This was actually my first match on Bumble. And of course, it's only been one date with a 2nd date planned, so I can't really give it an endorsement yet. I will say it seems a lot harder to match with anyone on Bumble than Tinder.
#9593
So we set up plans to get dinner and a movie tomorrow and then I texted her today to figure out where to eat because we haven't decided on that. She never responded, then two hours later she posted a Snapchat of herself at the movies and since my head is a fucking carnival I'm thinking she's going out with multiple guys right now even though there's no evidence to support that.

For the record, I know I'm probably being stupid, but I've been played pretty hard before and I think that experience is leading to this paranoia. Oh well, nothing to do now but wait.