Page 241 of 241
#9601
It's sounds like your priorities are messed up about what compatibility is. The things you mentioned are largely superficial and do little to indicate what a person is truly like.

I'm not saying pursue it, but when you decide on who you want to be serious with, family relationships/conflict types/life philosophies are more important to determining relationship success.

Musical taste, appearance and current prospects are important but only serve to bring you closer while you decide if the person is worth the pursuit.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9602
Well I strongly stand by that if I am not sexually attracted to someone then I couldn't sustain a relationship. It is a deal breaker, as shallow as that sounds. 

And i I think the common interests thing stems from my parents shitty marriage because they have no shared interests and I see what they're missing and I want to make sure I don't have the same problem with someone because even though couples can be into different things, let's face it, a clone of yourself would get old, but there needs to be some crossover into what you're into.
Dance in the moonlight my old friend twilight


Quote by metal4eva_22
What's this about ****ing corpses? My UG senses were tingling.
#9603
Absolutely, but there's a clear difference between that statement, and this.

Quote by Nero Galon

I've never had a relationship before but I really struggle with the idea of compromising on someone for the sake of filling in a void. Just seems like the wrong way to go about it. Of course I'm not expecting someone perfect to ever meet who by chance is also into me but I at least want to feel more strongly about someone before I let them think something could happen from it.


I may be stretching here, but your parent's "shitty marriage" didn't come from them having nothing in common. It came from them not willing to grow together. But that's the true core to the marriage, not just being able to enjoy the same things. You learn to share some interests, and you keep some things to enjoy yourself so that you keep some independence.

Referencing my own relationship, I loved pokémon as a kid and I occasionally indulge my nostalgia. My partner never watched it. So she was all about a marathon of the first season and showed an interest in it. Not because she wanted to watch it, but because she knew I enjoyed it. Now we even play occasional pokémon go. She started watching more soccer because I do and I take a closer interest to hockey because she's always been a fan. I still enjoy listening to my style of music and she's crafty with her own projects. We support each other, but they're areas we enjoy away from each other. I should also mention that we're from vastly different cultures, socioeconomic upbringings, and we had little to nothing in common in terms of shallow interests. That said, she was cute, found me attractive and liked my personality. That led to talks, which led to deeper talks, sustained interest and now we're close to 4 years in. Interests now largely overlap, as she's exposed me to hers and vice versa. We have very different "shells", but value the same core concepts.

Sexual attraction is absolutely paramount to a relationship. If that's not there, then fair enough. But not liking the same things is not a sign of a lack of potential. What you value is a lot more important in those aspects, and the openness to grow and accept another person's interests is part of the process. Looking for someone tailor-made isn't only a problem because of stagnation problems, but it also means you miss out on possible connections because of waiting for it.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
Last edited by megano28 at Jun 24, 2017,
#9604
Hey all, I need an outside opinion.

A few months ago I was seeing this girl from my previous work (also current work, I was on med leave). It wasn't anything serious, we just hung out and had sex. Fast forward to like a month ago. I am now back at work and see her here from time to time, so we got talking again. Things started off alright, hung out once and went for a bike ride, nothing heavy.

My problems are twofold. First she doesnt want any kind of physical relationship right now, because thats all we did last time and it kind of ruined it (I'm good with this) except that she told me a story of her going to meet some guy on tinder. This seems like a pretty clear sign to me that I've been freindzoned, even thought she says she likes me. MY thinking is she's just too much of a wuss to tell me.

Problem two - Problem one got me thinking, so a couple days ago I told her I wanted to talk to her. I just want to know if I'm wasting my time or if theres something else going on. She said she isnt ready to have that conversation, and she's all but ignored me since. If this was any normal girl I'd be completely convinced she's just too much of a wuss to tell me she's not interested, but this girl has a fucked up past and therefor has trouble with dealing with anything serious.

Thanks for any help.
#9605
You've already had sex with her, I don't the problem here would be friend zoning of any type.

She's either just not ready for a relationship, something you'll do nothing to change despite your efforts, or she simply is no longer interested. You're better off treating it like the latter and moving on with your interests, as any effort you try to change that will likely only create a hostile environment both in a civil and professional context.

Just make sure you're not treating her specially with the hopes of winning her back. That's how you create a "friend zone" situation.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9606
Hi guys.

So i was at a music festival with my girl, and the first night there was a party. She was already very drunk at the point when she and some other friends decided to go there, and i just wanted to sleep. Obviously, i couldnt sleep so i went there after about an hour or something, im not sure. Anyway, i get there, and im just hanging back, looking at where everyone is, and i notice her and her friends in front of the stage, dancing, with her being very obviously drunk. I thought nothing of it, until i saw her making some very suggestive moves to the DJ, and then her pouting when he didnt come near. So that kinda set me off a bit, but instead of, you know, causing a clusterfuck right there, i just hung back and observed. After a while (like, a minute or two), some guy approached her, and started dancing with her. Seeing how she was drunk, she didnt even seem to notice him at first, but then they started dancing. And it got more and more... well you know. She said something to him, and then they continued dancing for another few minutes, getting more and more comfortable with each other. Hands were on hips and buts, bodies were rubbing, you know the kind. Then, all of a sudden, she just straight up bolts away towards the tents, leaving the guy there. So i follow her, and she is looking for me at my tent. She is pretty upset, suposedly because i wasnt there the exact second she came. Still drunk as hell. I get her and me into the beer line, get a beer for me and water for her, and we just hang around on a bench. She is annoying cause she is drunk, she wants to go dancing, i dont, i try to calm everything down, since she is upsed for no apparent reason. Then she pukes. I get her back to the tent, put her to sleep and then hang around with the firends a bit before i crash.

The next day she acts as if nothing happens. She doesnt know i was there before she went to look for me. Sometime before noon we are sitting in a gazeebo or whatever, and the DJ from the previous night aproaches al suave and with some cheesy pickup line, and is like super suprised that im there, and obviously picks up on the fact that im her boyfriend, so he just backs of. She says nothing. And i say nothing as well, since its a festival, and i dont wanna start a fight.

The shit kinda hit the fan on the last day when she went to the store, and drove back with the DJ. She noticed i wasnt cool, and kept bothering me until i told her everything that i saw, basicly her flirting with the dj and dancing with that guy.

Now she says that she doidnt flirt with the dj, that she just wanted him to change the song. I call bullshit, but hey, whatever. Then she tells me that she only noticed that guy dancing with her after he started touching her and then told him she has a boyfriend and imediately ran to my tent, because she knew it wasnt ok. And that she would have told me, but she didnt remember until i told her what i saw, because she was that drunk. And again, i call bullshit, because she says it was almost instant, but the whole thing lasted a few songs, not a few seconds. Even when she turned to say something to him (she says she told him "this isnt ok, i have a boyfriend"), it took another song or two for her to bolt.

Now, i feel bad. This is almost down to the letter why my previous long term relationship fell apart. I couldnt trust my ex after i caught her at a party like this, with some guy under a tree being soooooo very close. And it was becuase she was "so drunk, and nothing happened from what i remember" and whatever. And then it happened again, before we broke up. And i told all this to my current gf. She knows exactly why i have some trust issues with this kind of behaviour, and why i feel uncomfortable seeing her blind drunk. And that i hope she never puts herself into such a situation. I really really wanted to trust her, and i didnt inted to spy on her at the party, but i just noticed what she was doing when i was waiting in the beer line. Only then did i start watching. 

Am i just being a bitch here? Again, nothing, besides some flirting and (very) suggestive dancing and a bit of touching happened. And she broke away on her own and went to get me. But im still pissed. She says it was because she was drunk. So what, if she was even more drunk, it would have gone further? Like i said, i trusted her not to put herself into a situation like this, when things like these can happen, and she did. And because of my previous experience with situations exactly like this, im pretty upset. I know its not ok, but i still am. She seems genuenly sorry. But then again, so did my ex, and then she went and did it again.

Before this, she was great. She still is. We have been togehter for 6 months, and we get a long sooooo good. She is so much better for me than all my previous girlfriends. We have fun, we talk, we enjoy our time togehter... My friends tell me they never saw me happier than in the last few months. Ive never been this happy this far in a relationship with any other girl before. And this situation now, its basicly fucking all of that up. Any advice?
Joža je kul. On ma sirove z dodatki pa hambije.
#9607
Nah you have a good reason to be pissed.

Seems like there's a misunderstanding of the boundaries in your relationship. Some couples are okay with the other person dancing with strangers - I definitely am not. Maybe try to actually establish what your guys' boundaries are.

Also, start dancing with her.
My God, it's full of stars!
#9608
Quote by Dreadnought
Nah you have a good reason to be pissed.

Seems like there's a misunderstanding of the boundaries in your relationship. Some couples are okay with the other person dancing with strangers - I definitely am not. Maybe try to actually establish what your guys' boundaries are.

Also, start dancing with her.


Thats exactly it. Boundaries were established clearly. We have talked about this. A lot. She knows what the deal is, i dont mind her dancing with other people as long as its actually dancing, not bump and grind, and especially if it turns into touching. She knows this, because i have told her in those exact words, and not once. 

And i do dance with her. Thats how we came togehter actually. Im a good dancer, and we dance at like 90% of places where its socially acceptable. But i was tired from the trip and setting up everyones tents (seriously, who goes to a festival without knowing how to pitch a tent?!) and carying all the heavy stuff for a few km over the hot sun. So its not like "oh no, he never dances with me, and i love it oh so much".
Joža je kul. On ma sirove z dodatki pa hambije.
#9609
Sounds like you have legit reason to be pissed

She needs to get her shit together fam. It's not hard to not act like a flirt when drunk if you actually give a shit.
My God, it's full of stars!
#9610
Agree with dread here.

If this is something that isn't a deal breaker for you and her claims of only doing this while drunk are sincere, then the natural solution is to not let herself get that drunk again. Maybe she'll agree, maybe she won't, but if getting drunk is suddenly the catalyst to shady behavior, the she's probably not in a place where she's responsible enough to get drunk in public events.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9611
Recently moved in with my gf and her sister at my gf's request. The problem is her sister is always trying to come up with some sort of drama to bitch about (she's 21 so go figure). Today it was because I put the dishes away and apparently she HATES that. Her sister also makes it a big deal to not be alone in the apartment with me because she thinks I am going to make a pass at her (which is in no way even possible). I recently even asked her not to sit behind me in the car when we are going place's in my gf's car simply because I dont want her knees in my back but she insists it's because my gf is jealous and didnt want her sitting so close to me.
I like living with my gf and we have been making it work so I really don't want to move out but I suppose I will if it comes to that, which would also mean having to break up with my gf because neither of us wants a long distance relationship and I would have to move a few hours away if I wanted to move out tomorrow. Of course, we are already looking for our own place to live but that's going to take awhile. How do I defuse the drama and make my living situation more comfortable?
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#9612
Just tell her to grow the fuck up.

She's an adult, she's acting like a child, that's it really.
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
#9613
yeah, i suppose that's the simple answer. I figure I will just have to deal with it until we move out *sigh*
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96