Page 239 of 239
#9521
Quote by Ignite
Just going to spoiler this because it's kind of long
Sound advice. I feel I did draw the line at one point, and that line was broken. I should have broken it off long ago, but this has been my first relationship and I think I'm scared to let that go. I haven't been able to gather all my feelings yet though and make a decision I'm comfortable with. But there may not be a comfortable decision.

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be in a relationship at all. I'm pretty sure whomever I was with, I'd snoop. Because it's fun. My mom was super jealous and extremely crazy all though my childhood, and it rubbed off on me.

Although, I didn't immediately start being snoopy. Only when he said he didn't want me to see anyone, and I found out he was with someone afterwards (I left this part out, it was early on when we went exactly "together"). That's when I became snoopy, but my stupid puppy dog love and need for his attention overrode my logic to probably get out.

So yeah, I think I have an overall lack of trust for anyone, I'd probably snoop regardless, and I probably shouldn't be in a relationship. But that doesn't excuse him from the things he's done.

I feel like if I do decide to break it off, it's going to be a total catastrophe. I'm pretty sure he does want to be with me, and plans to be with me for a very long time. But he also wants to do what he wants to do, "what you don't know doesn't hurt you" mentality. And I'm the total opposite. I don't knowingly do anything he'd be comfortable with aside from snooping. That's my biggest flaw. I'm not secretive, and I'm very open. I'm not even secretive with my tendency to snoop.

Last year I was really down, and casually told him I wasn't sure if I could handle a relationship anymore. He didn't say anything about it and we both acted like I didn't say anything. Awhile later he asked if I still loved him because I was acting distant. I said I don't know. Again, he acted like I didn't even say it.

But things got better and we got our own place, so we're even more invested.

I honestly don't even really know how I feel anymore. I'm kind of numb, but I still have love. But i feel I'm going through the motions and it's just not a fulfilling relationship. But I have absolutely nothing to compare it to.


I understand that your behavior comes from a history and my post wasn't intended to put you solely to blame. Just that your behavior does not foster the healthy exchange of trust needed for a stress free relationship.

It sounds like you're only together because it's comfortable, and despite feelings you once had for him, it has all seemed to have faded away. In every relationship, the passion and butterflies fade after the first couple of years, but what you should have after that point is a solid partnership that makes your life easier.

I've always asked people to consider what their life would be like without the person and then compare to the current situation. If you can't list the benefits outside of financial gains, it's time you sit down and address your problems. If your partner side steps and pretends the conflict never occurred, then you lack another vital cog in your system of communication.

No matter how stressful the break up is, if you feel it's time you move on, the initial struggle will result in you losing a couple hundred pounds of stress. If it's what you decided is best for you, don't hesitate. As you shouldn't settle for what you feel is your ideal partner. But since to be the person that deserves that person as well.

Quote by Tanglewoodguit
I'm sorry but that's total bullshit.

He was a lazy asshole before any of this mental illness stuff happened and now he's playing on it to do nothing in his life. I dealt with mental illness but I didn't use it to act like a total cunt to my family.


The problem with the situation is that the only two groups that can make changes to this situation are not present here seeking help. Your partner has the choice of accepting it or moving out. The parents don't seem to care enough and the brother doesn't have to change at all. Why would he need to in a place where his behavior doesn't have consequences?

Your gf is an outsider to the issue, essentially. And you're one more degree removed. If she's not happy with it, then she has to leave. It's all she has any control over.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
Last edited by megano28 at Dec 5, 2016,
#9522
Quote by megano28



The problem with the situation is that the only two groups that can make changes to this situation are not present here seeking help. Your partner has the choice of accepting it or moving out. The parents don't seem to care enough and the brother doesn't have to change at all. Why would he need to in a place where his behavior doesn't have consequences?

Your gf is an outsider to the issue, essentially. And you're one more degree removed. If she's not happy with it, then she has to leave. It's all she has any control over.


I agree. I more took exception that his behaviour is justified and the parents should just stand by him cause 'mental health'.

Problem is, she's full time at uni and her parents won't support her in moving out.
#9523
Quote by Tanglewoodguit
I agree. I more took exception that his behaviour is justified and the parents should just stand by him cause 'mental health'.

Problem is, she's full time at uni and her parents won't support her in moving out.


Yeah, I wasn't quoting that as any kind of agreement with the previous user. Not that he's wrong, it's just that I feel there isn't a solution here you don't already know of.

If her parents won't support her moving out, then she needs to become self sufficient or deal with the mess. I'm sure it's annoying, but you can't have your cake and eat it too.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9524
She already works as well as uni, there's no way she can earn enough to support herself and i can't support her.

Best solution is to wait it out until next July when she can move out and hope he doesn't kill them before then.
#9525
Quote by Tanglewoodguit
I agree. I more took exception that his behaviour is justified and the parents should just stand by him cause 'mental health'.

Problem is, she's full time at uni and her parents won't support her in moving out.
You've got it all wrong here, I didn't mean to say what he's doing is justified because of his mental illness, you just don't seem to understand what someone with these kind of mental problems go through (weather it's a bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, etc). Sometimes they can go through a mania phase then, just as soon go through a depression phase, if they're off their medication for a long time they can experience psychosis (not going to define all of these, you can look it up if you're interested). But severe cases are harder to regulate even with medication and therapy, they will definitely go through phases where they are unstable for a long period of time. So sure he's going to act erratically but he's definitely not aware of it because he's out of his mind. You can say he was lazy and all before being diagnosed, doesn't mean he wasn't suffering from mental illness before that. So your girlfriend's parents can only support him through his crisis and hope he gets better really, I know it's probably hard for you to understand and accept this because your s/o is involved and of course you're going to root for her but unfortunately you guys are being unfair. Mental illnesses are a very real thing and I know a lot of close friends who have changed completely because of their effects. They need to be better understood imo.
#9526
We're not being unfair.

The mental illness was brought on by his ex-gf going off with his best friend. What does he do a couple of years later? Gets back with the ex-gf.

He's self-destructing his own life. He doesn't want help and he's using the illness as an excuse to verbally and physically attack his family.
#9527
Quote by Tanglewoodguit
We're not being unfair.

The mental illness was brought on by his ex-gf going off with his best friend. What does he do a couple of years later? Gets back with the ex-gf.

He's self-destructing his own life. He doesn't want help and he's using the illness as an excuse to verbally and physically attack his family.


Trauma can definitely be a catalyst I guess. I'm not going to argue with you since I don't know all the details and you're entitled to your opinion. Just wanted to give some insight.
#9528
Quote by Tanglewoodguit
She already works as well as uni, there's no way she can earn enough to support herself and i can't support her.

Best solution is to wait it out until next July when she can move out and hope he doesn't kill them before then.


I'm particularly callous towards those excuses as I live in a place where your university is not paid for and requires many to work and study simultaneously. If she wants out, she can get out. It would just be a matter of making her life more uncomfortable than she wants it to be.

Not that I'm saying it to try and shut you up, but that's life. Her life at home is uncomfortable, because despite having her living paid for, she has to deal with a shit bag of a brother. She can leave the situation and her sibling nuisance, but it requires she's fully independent.

She has to pay some price. If she chose staying at home, then she has to learn to cope. As the people in charge are not worried about changing the situation. Life sucks sometimes.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9529
Here's a bit of a curly one....

So I've been dating this girl for a few months now, she's really awesome and I'm having a great time with her. She also has a 5 year old daughter that I'm slowly getting to know.

We live a bit of a distance from each other, so we always travel back and forth to meet up, she's stayed at my house plenty of times, but I've never stayed at her place.....

So briefly, she had an awful upbringing and was subjected to sexual assaults and things like that, and her problem is that she can't get comfortable with me staying over because she's irrationally terrified that something might happen to her daughter if I stay.

Anyone got any ideas about how to let her get comfortable with the idea of me staying there?
Yes I am falling
How much longer
Till I hit the ground?
#9530
Quote by i_lovemetallica
Anyone got any ideas about how to let her get comfortable with the idea of me staying there?


Time. Literally the only answer here.
#9531
Quote by i_lovemetallica
Here's a bit of a curly one....

So I've been dating this girl for a few months now, she's really awesome and I'm having a great time with her. She also has a 5 year old daughter that I'm slowly getting to know.

We live a bit of a distance from each other, so we always travel back and forth to meet up, she's stayed at my house plenty of times, but I've never stayed at her place.....

So briefly, she had an awful upbringing and was subjected to sexual assaults and things like that, and her problem is that she can't get comfortable with me staying over because she's irrationally terrified that something might happen to her daughter if I stay.

Anyone got any ideas about how to let her get comfortable with the idea of me staying there?


Be supportive and understanding. Don't cater to her fear and she'll eventually give you the opportunities, no matter how small, to prove you're not like the men she's afraid of.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9532
Sooooo, im trying to figure something out here. Ive been with my gf for 3 years now. For the most part its ok, but i dunno why i feel uneasy. It kinda feels like we are just together for the sake of comfort and security. I cant say we fight a lot, but there is a minor argument almost every day, and one of us gets pissed. It gets worked over in like half an hour, but you know. We dont really do much together besides walking the dog or watch movies. We joke around and have fun, but its nothing special. When i go out to a concert or something, i often dont want her to tag along because i feel like i have more fun on my own. Even our sex life is boring, if you can say that, since we do it like once every two weeks or whatever. The whole relationship can probably be summed up with "meh..."

Im not saying she is a bad person by any means. She is kind, smart, funny(-ish), she cares about me, supports me and my guitar buying adiction and everything. She has her flaws as well, she can be stubborn as hell, and and gets angry about a lot of stuff, and is really shy and introvert, so i basicly have to push her into any new thing we want to try, and as a result, we dont do much novelty stuff. Obviously im not perfect as well, since i know i can be stubborn and bit closed of emotionaly, and im trying to work on it, but you know, there is only so much of your character you can change in a reasonable ammount of time. When we fight i sometimes just walk away and take a deep breath and a minute, and then get back to difusse the situation, that seems to work a lot.

I just dont know if this is just how life gets after so much time together, and this is the best i can hope for, or if there is something wrong here. I care for her a lot, and i would be very sad to see her go. I often think about what it would be like witout her, but i always snap back after a while, thinking im just being stupid.

Am i being a dick here? Sometimes i think there is just something wrong with me, where i dont know what a good thing i have going here, and i just feel like shit for even considering stuff like this. Bur other days, especially when we fight, i dunno man. I cant put a finger on what exactly is wrong or what to do to improve things. I dont even know if there is an issue. There is just something gnwaing at me.

So anyway, give it to me straight, am i just a shitty person, or is there a real issue here? Should i just suck it up and be gratefull for what i have? I know a lot of people would be really happy to have someone like her. Or will this whole relationship slowly erode away and collapse in a few years?
Joža je kul. On ma sirove z dodatki pa hambije.
#9533
There are so many facets to something as dynamic as a relationship that you can easily be considered all of the above.

You're in a place where very little is still considered a mystery. You won't get the same pre-date butterflies you had in the past. Things like sex can become stale, because at this point, the chances you've started to become more and more efficient at pleasing one another. But all that considered, it's still something that is contingent on your personal efforts.

Relationships require maintenance. They always do. The issue is that you don't really seem them begin to falter until the 2+ year mark, and many people never get to that point. Making people believe everything should simply be natural. You don't do anything together outside of walking the dog and movies because you've both chosen to not do so. This doesn't make you terrible people, but it's hard to feel novelty in a relationship where you haven't gone the extra steps of trying to be fresh and new. But all that being said, you're on the brink of a lifelong relationship. This is the time when you begin to decide whether marriage or some level of nonlegal unity is going to be agreed. You're also on the path where each additional day you choose to give this woman is one less day for the two of you to find someone new.

I heavily encourage serious conversation at this point. About your future. About sex. About affection. Everything. It gives you both the avenue to state any issues you have and whether a solution is viable. From what it sounds like, you're absolutely justified in feeling as if you're not fulfilled. But you also sound like you have a good woman, and should at least give your relationship the opportunity to recover. For reference, my partner and I are in the same year bracket as you. But a year in, I decided to talk to her about my intentions with the relationship. We spoke about what we expected from one another, from things as superficial as house chores to going as deep as how we would raise any potential children in the scenario of a breakup/divorce. I created and signed a "contract" which listed everything she expected from me and I agreed I could do for her, and I did the same. During this time, we also made known that we aren't a perfect fit and that there were things neither one of us could give the other person. That was the time to decide whether we'd miss them enough to end the relationship. Obviously, this agreement isn't binding in any legal way, but what it served to do was set up accountability. If I don't give my partner the things she needed and refuse to try, I knew about them. She has every reason to leave me. And vice-versa. So we go on dates every other week, as per her request. Our duties are outlined. And as quickly as people are to mention that they don't have the skills/relationship to propose this, you'd be surprised how much stress it relieves.

I'm bringing this up, because the next best thing is to talk to your partner about what is going on. Making that effort to set up more events that foster intimacy. Setting up a scenario that makes her feel wanted and loved, while she does the same for you. If that equates to having sex x amount of times in a week, well so be it. Establish personal space for each of you, because it's healthy. You have every right to want to go places alone, but realize that going to 1 event a month, and you don't want her to be with you, can be extremely hurtful. Your comment about walking away to get a breathe is exactly the right way to go about it. Not all arguments have to be hashed out on the spot, and sometimes letting the immediate heat dissipate is the most constructive thing to do. This would also be one of those things to talk about. Make sure you're both still invested in seeing the relationship be better than its ever been. Be a leader, because expecting someone to meet you half way when you're the one instigating change is ideal, at best.

What you're feeling is normal, but it's how you react to it that'll determine whether you make it to the fourth year or not. Just be warned that while a new partner may start to sound appealing at this point, these feelings are just as likely to resurface once the newness fades there as well.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9534
This is kind of m line of reasoning when i get all rational about it. But i sometimes i also get the feeling that the past issues are finally catching up, since there were some trust issues between us. I do feel like i make an effort to improve the relationship, but i also feel like my efforts are not apreciated or even go unnoticed. For example, its literally been a two year effort to get her to just try skiing, something that i enjoy a whole lot. Its not like she hates skiing, she said she liked it a lot when she was younger, and then just stopped. But now she wont do it because she is nervous about it. And this kind of stuff happens a lot. She does seem to try as well tho, at least she sometimes gives suggestions for activities, but then she immediately pulls back because of whatever reason, and that can often lead to an argument, because why bring something up and then imediately say "forget it, its a bad idea because reasons". Im guessing this tension also comes from the fact that im employed and have a decent paycheck, and she is a full time student, so most of stuff is financed by me. I know i woudl feel kinda bad if the roles were reversed, but i also dont want to eat ramen for every meal and sleep in a tent, just because she cant afford better.
I am planing to talk to her about it, but its gonna have to wait at least a few days, because she has an exam coming up, and she says she cant deal with emotional stress in those kind of moments or whatever. Idk, sometimes i feel like im dancing on egg shells around her, becuase i dunno what will set her of, and when she is under stress, like from exams, those shells become way more fragile. But yeah, obviously i need to bring this up with her as well.
Joža je kul. On ma sirove z dodatki pa hambije.
#9535
Yeah, I'd bring that all forward. Write it down if you need to, so that you don't lose track of your points. That way, once everything is out in the open, and hopefully after the initial defensiveness is exhausted and real progress occurs, at the bare minimum, you'll know where you stand. If she ignores your needs at that point and you feel no progress is being made, then you have the opportunity to leave and find someone who will check your boxes in the future.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9536
Anyone know of any ways to forget about some one? Or to move on? I've been stuck on this girl for almost 3 months, dating hadn't really helped at all. Every other date ends with me just thinking about how amazing she was.

Is it because of how our relationship ended that I'm stuck? I really need help here, guys. It's been a rough 3 months, and having just lost my job, I have more free time to just sit and think about her. I really have no one to talk to about it, especially since I live with her brother and cousin, whenever anyone brings her up, I just lose it a bit.
Xbox Live: DeSquared94
PSN: desquared94
#9537
Quote by Ablast
especially since I live with her brother and cousin, whenever anyone brings her up, I just lose it a bit.

Got no advice, other than this living situation definitely is not helping
Quote by Mr E Meat
this is your brain

this is your brain on RT

Quote by Standard_A440
Given that you reside in the shade of the natural light of reason, I will defer doing your homework to you.
#9538
Gatecrasher53 yeah, less than ideal, but it's the best I got at the moment.

Going home to Arizona would set me back, since where I hail from has no university or any jobs at all, and it took a bit for me to move out here.
Xbox Live: DeSquared94
PSN: desquared94
Last edited by Ablast at Dec 10, 2016,
#9539
Quote by Ablast
Gatecrasher53 yeah, less than ideal, but it's the best I got at the moment.

Going home to Arizona would set me back, since where I hail from has no university or any jobs at all, and it took a bit for me to move out here.


It's not either or. If you genuinely want to get away from her, you need to remove yourself from situations that remind you of her. Trying to get over someone while still in the middle of their lives is like a heroin addict living with a drug dealer.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9540
megano28 she isn't here still. She moved to Arizona with her ex. And as previously stated, I'm recently unemployed, and besides that where I live now, most places require you make 2.5 times the monthly rent, which would average to about 1,800 a month, which is about 600 I was averaging
Xbox Live: DeSquared94
PSN: desquared94
#9541
You're living with her family. She doesn't need to be next to you to still be a part of your life.

And go find roommates. As I said, people that treat things as binary events tend to either not want change or don't have the drive to make things happen. Find a way to not be in a situation where you having living people reminding you of the break up.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9542
Quote by gorkyporky
This is kind of m line of reasoning when i get all rational about it. But i sometimes i also get the feeling that the past issues are finally catching up, since there were some trust issues between us. I do feel like i make an effort to improve the relationship, but i also feel like my efforts are not apreciated or even go unnoticed. For example, its literally been a two year effort to get her to just try skiing, something that i enjoy a whole lot. Its not like she hates skiing, she said she liked it a lot when she was younger, and then just stopped. But now she wont do it because she is nervous about it. And this kind of stuff happens a lot. She does seem to try as well tho, at least she sometimes gives suggestions for activities, but then she immediately pulls back because of whatever reason, and that can often lead to an argument, because why bring something up and then imediately say "forget it, its a bad idea because reasons". Im guessing this tension also comes from the fact that im employed and have a decent paycheck, and she is a full time student, so most of stuff is financed by me. I know i woudl feel kinda bad if the roles were reversed, but i also dont want to eat ramen for every meal and sleep in a tent, just because she cant afford better.
I am planing to talk to her about it, but its gonna have to wait at least a few days, because she has an exam coming up, and she says she cant deal with emotional stress in those kind of moments or whatever. Idk, sometimes i feel like im dancing on egg shells around her, becuase i dunno what will set her of, and when she is under stress, like from exams, those shells become way more fragile. But yeah, obviously i need to bring this up with her as well.


So yeah, the conversation happened. Well, mostly it was just angy glares directed into my direction. So i dunno where to go from here. Basicly she said that she cant do anything about it, since thats just who she is, and she is already trying as hard as she can. So besides added tension between us, nothing else came from it. And its been over a week since we talked, so we both had time to think on it. She just seems to carry on like nothing really happened. We did figure something out tho. When im happy with the way things are going, she isnt, and when im miserable, she is happy. She says the last few weeks/months were almost perfect to her, while it was almost the lowest point of our relationship for me. She also wants me to tell her exactly what is bothering me, which is kinda hard to do, since a lot of it is just a general feeling of unease. So maybe the issue isnt her, but me not even knowing what i want. Or maybe i have commitment issues. I dunno. Im kinda at a loss here, since this is my longest standing relationship, and i was never in this position before.
Joža je kul. On ma sirove z dodatki pa hambije.
#9543
Something did come from it. You stated what you wanted and she said she couldn't meet you there. If your ideals are that far apart, and she's already at the maximum effort she's willing/able to give you, maybe she's not the right person for you. It's delusional to expect consistent happiness, but that doesn't sound like what you're asking for. You owe it to yourself to be happy and at least now, any end to the relationship is clear as to why.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9544
megano28 yeah. Well this sucks. Im gonna mull it over for a while more, but im not really hoping for a happily ever after anymore. And with the holidays coming up its gonna suck even more. Thanks for your input tho, its nice to have someone objectively look at a situation and offer advice. I really dont wanna hurt her, because like i said, she is a good person, but i guess its something thats gonna happen sooner or later.
Joža je kul. On ma sirove z dodatki pa hambije.
#9545
Of course, situations like these are always hard to swallow. Try looking at it like this. You love her, right? I'm assuming she also loves you. Loving someone is about wanting what is best for them, even if it isn't you. That's the difference between love and affection, one is selfless while the other is selfish. Being with her at this point isn't making either of you happy. At least not in the long run. So ending it now isn't because you hate her suddenly, it's because you know she isn't the one for you and vice versa so not only are looking to find the right person for you, you've also given her that opportunity.

Just when you do decide to break up, emphasize that it's due to each of you wanting different things. Don't make it about how you're not happy and she's at fault for not trying. That'll only serve to deal damage
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9546
I feel like an idiot. I saw this girl at the gym on the treadmill. She was cute. So I wrote on a piece of paper "You're cute text me xxx-xxx-xxxx Jacob" and then I gave her the paper as she was walking on the treadmil.

Why did I do this? It was stupid. Even if she does text me it was still a dumb idea.
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.
#9547
Quote by mr.retard
I feel like an idiot. I saw this girl at the gym on the treadmill. She was cute. So I wrote on a piece of paper "You're cute text me xxx-xxx-xxxx Jacob" and then I gave her the paper as she was walking on the treadmil.

Why did I do this? It was stupid. Even if she does text me it was still a dumb idea.

Why? What's the worst thing that could happen? She doesn't text you?
Yes I am falling
How much longer
Till I hit the ground?
#9549
Quote by mr.retard
I feel like an idiot. I saw this girl at the gym on the treadmill. She was cute. So I wrote on a piece of paper "You're cute text me xxx-xxx-xxxx Jacob" and then I gave her the paper as she was walking on the treadmil.

Why did I do this? It was stupid. Even if she does text me it was still a dumb idea.

It wasn't stupid, you're not stupid. What you are is a frightened kid that can't talk to women directly out of fear of rejection, and they smell it on you like 3 day old urine

Texting, chatting, phoning, handwritten notes, all of that is shit, garbage, don't do it! GO TALK TO HER. Take the rejection head on, you will be a better person for it, besides the chances of success are higher- you might come off a nervous mess, but you had the nuts to go do it, and this they will notice.
#9550
At the time I was thinking she is working out and has ear buds in so I'll just leave a note.

I should of waited until she was done working out then talked to her. It would of increased my odds of success and make me look less like a coward.
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.
#9551
mr.retard *Pat on the shoulder* Excuse my intrusion in your hard-looking-workout, but I just wanted to tell you you look beautiful today.

-Why, thank you! *Girl blushes at the sweet compliment she just received from Alphamale personified*

-Now I know this is out of the blue but, would you fancy having a drink with me eventually ? *ahah* If you don't drink we can have a coffee, I know a great place!

-Sure, here's my number!

-Great, have a nice day *wink wink*

Go in with confidence, or pee on yourself bruh
#9552
Not exactly romantic relationship stuff but here it goes...

I got a text from my ex (broke up 2 years ago) at my birthday. She is living at US and that was the reason we broke up. It was a friendly chat nothing more. She had texted me before to meet up but I couldnt find time (finals) and she returned back to US before I could...

So the thing is, we talked a bit about life and school and whats been happening in our lives. She asked how my school has been and I told her that its great but exhausting (law school) told her that Im pretty successful and so on.

Her father is retired lawyer, in fact best of his time. She said "you know.. if you want I'm sure he can still make you a favor". I told her that it would be unethical but....

WHAT DO BOIS? I could land an internship at Tier 1 law firm or whatever.... Text her in few weeks casually and pitch in "may I send you/him a CV?"
Quote by arcanom
Mint and chocolate shouldnt be togather.
"Literally Worst Post of 2k16" approved by After Eight Lovers...
#9553
It's only unethical if he's only choosing you because of your previous relationship. I'd argue that the relationship got your foot in the door, but if you're worth the risk, then you're getting through on your merit.

I'd personally go for it. Having a very valuable connection that could advance your career isn't something I'd look over.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9554
Quote by megano28
It's only unethical if he's only choosing you because of your previous relationship. I'd argue that the relationship got your foot in the door, but if you're worth the risk, then you're getting through on your merit.

I'd personally go for it. Having a very valuable connection that could advance your career isn't something I'd look over.


Yeah I've been thinking the same. However I havent seen him in past 2 years. He is currently not active but prolly has shitloads of places that he can send my CV to top of "the pile"...

I'll probably bite my pride and go for it. My next summer internships will most likely define my career path in short term.
Quote by arcanom
Mint and chocolate shouldnt be togather.
"Literally Worst Post of 2k16" approved by After Eight Lovers...
#9555
Like I said, it's definitely worth it in my book. Nepotism doesn't seem to be as pervasive if a risk, considering that you're mostly benefiting from him knowing who you are vs benefitting because you're his daughter's ex. Considering that situation, most people would only help you if you were a solid person prior to breaking up anyway, as a breakup is much more likely to damage their perception of you than help it.

I'd just get it while the offer is still warm. You don't want her to forget or lose motivation to speak to him, and this may be the perfect time, considering she's likely in the same house as he's in for the holidays.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#9556
OK so I fucked up and need some advice. I'll keep it short but will give more information if needed.

Been with my girlfriend for 10 months now, we've actually done a lot together in that relatively short period of time and there's even talk of moving in together in the next few months, so things are pretty serious. She's not from this country so went home for Christmas to spend time with her family and friends, and I stayed here for mine.

Then there is this girl whom I've known for 6 years now. We were in college together, and then worked in the same place afterwards before she went to uni. We became good friends and I started developing some strong feelings for her, but I never tried anything because I knew the feelings weren't mutual. So when she went to uni, I got into a relationship with another girl, which was toxic as anything anyway, but because I still kept some contact with this girl, said girlfriend at the time flipped her shit and we eventually broke up, not over this, but it was a factor in the break down.

So this girl comes back from uni summer last year and we went on a night out with all our old work friends. I got drunk as shit and ended up kissing her on the taxi ride home, which I did not remember at all and her friend had to tell me at a party this time last year. I was shocked I did and felt bad that I did because I knew she wasn't interested, but her friend said that she was at one point, so don't feel bad because said girl didn't know what to think. In that year and a half since that kiss, we pretty much haven't spoke at all, other than last new year when I her friend told me that.

Fast forward to boxing night this year, and I was on night out with my friends when she turns up with a group of hers (everyone is friends from school so was normal). Anyway, the more drunk we get, the more flirting we do, and after the taxi back, I walked her home. As we were saying goodbye, I hugged her and we ended up making out for like 10 minutes. She panicked because I had a girlfriend and felt terrible, but for some reason, I decided to tell her about my feelings for her, regardless of my girlfriend now. She said that she wasn't interested at all no longer, and even if she was, I had a girlfriend. She actually really fancied another friend of hers, but he too has a girlfriend which she was devastated about. She said not to tell my girlfriend about it and that we'd both completely wipe it from our minds.

My girlfriend came back yesterday and when I picked her up, she was so happy to be back I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I text the girl that we needed to forget it, and she just text back saying forget what? But the kicker of it all? We're all going to the same place on new years eve, together as one group. Her best friend who she told about the last kiss is going to be there, and as much as I trust the girl not to say anything to my girlfriend, her friend might if she's pissed off with me.

Do I wait to see what happens? Do I come clean with my girlfriend? I really don't want to ruin everything that we have, but it kills me inside knowing that I'm lying to her.

Tl;Dr
Girlfriend was home for Christmas. I saw a girl I had long suppressed feelings for on a night out, we kissed. Girlfriend is now back. All three of us are going to be in the same place on Saturday. Help.

Thanks
#9557
good guy garry

Tricky one.

My flatmate is in a three year old relationship and I've noticed that they have a pretty good open policy about what they get up to behind each other's back, from what I've noticed this is exclusively alcohol related situations. So for example, she tells him whenever she kisses or flirts with someone and he's cool with it, and then the same with when he admits to dong the same with other girls. It's pretty impressive how they do it tbh.

But that's not to say everyone can be the same.
Dance in the moonlight my old friend twilight


Quote by metal4eva_22
What's this about ****ing corpses? My UG senses were tingling.
#9558
Quote by good guy garry
I have been in a relationship for the past year and the way I see it, a relationship is kind of an agreement that you guys are sexually and emotionally exclusive to each other except if there is an understanding that it's not the case. I compromised a lot to be with my girlfriend and honestly if she did something similar to what you did I would feel betrayed. And the way you describe it, it's not like you're taking your relationship seriously enough IMO. You could cheat on her again and blame it on another motive that time around, so you should probably man up and tell her.
#9559
Quote by good guy garry

Girlfriend was home for Christmas. I saw a girl I had long suppressed feelings for on a night out, we kissed. Girlfriend is now back. All three of us are going to be in the same place on Saturday. Help.

This guy better post back, I want to hear how horrible this went
She said not to tell my girlfriend about it and that we'd both completely wipe it from our minds.

Her best friend who she told about the last kiss is going to be there

LETS PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED I'M GOING TO TELL ALL MY FRIENDS THOUGH
Nevermind, his gf heard about it before they even went, she's likely ditched him before they even got to newyears, boring