sarabarryy
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2013
65 IQ
#1
What do you guys think?


Verse 1
Can’t tell whats right or wrong
This disease has taken over
Closer and closer
Up and down like a rollercoaster

I’m the video game
My thoughts are the controller
And the game is almost over

Chorus
All alone I need some help
The world spins around but it left me on a shelf,
What should I do with myself
And I can't take, any more of this feeling
So I'm leaving


Happy to pass me by
Without hello or a goodbye
Do you even know what I’m feeling?
Its cold, I'm left in the snow, now I'm freezing

Chorus
All alone I need some help
The world spins around but it left me on a shelf,
What should I do with myself
And I can't take, any more of this feeling
So I'm leaving

Bridge
I wish I could stay still for a moment
Watch how it all turns around
To see how the world deceives me
How the people leave me
As it all pushes me out of the way

All alone I need your help
The world’s left me on a shelf
What do I do with myself
UFC on VHS
Megadeth>Metallica
Join date: Sep 2011
1,521 IQ
#2
The only feedback I can give by looking at this is to tell you that you have a nice poem.

Post a video of you playing it. We need to hear the melody, we need to hear your chorus, this is just a wall of words a poem. We need to hear it brought to life by you.

Not trying to be rude but you asked for advice and feedback on your song, which is cool but all I see is lyrics.
Jackson DK2
1962 Fender Esquire
PEAVEY JSX 212
PEAVEY 6505+ 112
Last edited by UFC on VHS at Jul 29, 2013,