UnityFreedomAna
UnityFreedomAnarchy
Join date: Aug 2013
57 IQ
#1
-Chorus-
To whom it may concern,
I think I've lost the will to live.
I want to feel numb,
I think I've lost the will to live.
-V1-
This isn't healthy,
it will be the death of me.
This isn't healthy,
But I'm not strong enough to be.
-Chorus-
-V2-
This will kill me,
I need to give you space.
This will kill me,
it's a prospect that I cant bear to face.
-Chorus-
-Bridge-
I got told to leave you alone,
to learn to go my own way.
But I can't cope with being alone.
I guess you'll send me to my grave
-Guitar solo-
*I don't care* [yelled over opening of solo]
-Chorus-X2

Any critique, comment, improvements or guess as to the meaning would be appreciated.
Dio10101
UG's Biggest Idiot
Join date: Aug 2008
874 IQ
#2
Definitely seems emotional. It could be cool over a grunge song or something, but it seems like your saying the same thing the whole time(that the narrator is very sad, seemingly about a relationship that is failing/failed and has lost the will to live). The song very plainly states everything that it wants to say, and in general, lyrics are more interesting if you mix plain statements with more vague and symbolic ones. The line "To Those Whom It May Concern" is a definite keeper though. It just sounds cool. Changing the last line of the chorus would be my only suggestion on the chorus. finding a different rhyme as opposed to repeating a line might sound better. If this has anything to do with your current feelings, I hope you feel better and that things work themselves out, for whatever that's worth.
UnityFreedomAna
UnityFreedomAnarchy
Join date: Aug 2013
57 IQ
#3
It's kind of melodic hardcore-kind of Anti-flag sounding. Thanks, you're pretty close to the mark, it's about unrequited love and the effects it has on the individual/me, I talk to this girl every day but we live too far apart and at points knowing we're so close but so far apart kills me...
Thanks for your concern btw
Last edited by UnityFreedomAna at Sep 30, 2013,
tom.mathew.716
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2013
10 IQ
#4
Quote by Dio10101
Definitely seems emotional. It could be cool over a grunge song or something, but it seems like your saying the same thing the whole time(that the narrator is very sad, seemingly about a relationship that is failing/failed and has lost the will to live). The song very plainly states everything that it wants to say, and in general, lyrics are more interesting if you mix plain statements with more vague and symbolic ones. The line "To Those Whom It May Concern" is a definite keeper though. It just sounds cool. Changing the last line of the chorus would be my only suggestion on the chorus. finding a different rhyme as opposed to repeating a line might sound better. If this has anything to do with your current feelings, I hope you feel better and that things work themselves out, for whatever that's worth.


The title drew me in, however the lyrics are pretty basic.
UnityFreedomAna
UnityFreedomAnarchy
Join date: Aug 2013
57 IQ
#5
Quote by tom.mathew.716
The title drew me in, however the lyrics are pretty basic.

Much of the simplicity is intentional, it's not trying to 'romanticise' anything, simply state something, the emotions are powerful enough that melodramatic lyrics were not felt necessary.
violetmidnight
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2013
11 IQ
#6
I really liked this, simply because I can totally relate to the feeling you're experiencing (similar situation and such) and I write songs like this all the time, I just like to hide the emotions behind the words and not plainly stating it, but I could respect this piece.
Hope you're well..
mccroskey
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2012
10 IQ
#7
Quote by UnityFreedomAna
Much of the simplicity is intentional, it's not trying to 'romanticise' anything, simply state something, the emotions are powerful enough that melodramatic lyrics were not felt necessary.


I gotta say with all do respect friend, theres nothing i like about your song. I feel the same way as the other guy, the title drew me in and then nothing. You say you felt the emotion was strong enough that it didnt warrant "melodramatic" lyrics, but its still possible to be informative, descriptive and expansive without the melodrama. My interpretation of this song is as follows: im seperated from the girl i love and im really, really, really sad about it. Theres really nothing else you say that i can detect. There are literally thousands of songs that use this same premise, theres nothing wrong with that but ask yourself this: what is it about my song that distinguishes it from the thousands of others that use the same premise? Emotion is good in art but its better when tempered by context. Context is what your lyrics can provide. IMO an artist is suppose to constantly push themselves and there work to make it better no matter how insignificant the detail may seem. Its like olympic swimmers who shave their legs because they know that the one milisecond it gives them could mean everything. Never settle friend, push yourself always. People will appreciate your work more when they know your putting everything into it...and you will too.
SA suggestion:
The "To whom it may concern" title grabbed my attention. Perhaps you could theme the song like an open letter to her. Think about typical things people write in letters to people that have moved way but tie it into your feelings of grief and longing.
Jim Croce's "Box #10" uses a similar theme.

Hope at the very least i didnt offend you. Good luck!
thiscoldblack20
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2013
54 IQ
#8
This is very simple. But i agree with the author. it's emotion are what carry the whole song. care to critique mine. The pale or bleed for me?
tom.mathew.716
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2013
10 IQ
#9
Sometimes a lyrics charm can only be appreciated by listening to the accompanied music. Maybe that's the case with these words.