rushmore
bblblubluewhale
Join date: Jan 2007
3,870 IQ
#1
e l s i e

though I am not of any
metaphysical relevancy (to you),
I do wish to impart the
strangeness of being:

" "
Last edited by rushmore at May 28, 2014,
vintage x metal
Brown-Thighed Girl
Join date: Sep 2006
5,308 IQ
#2
how strange it is to be anything at all.


this is nice. your travels have come to you, yes?
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

hippieboy444
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2006
7,150 IQ
#3
i marvel at how you can utilize brevity. when space is such a premium, you have a way of selecting nearly the perfect words to drive the poem along. it's really quite marvelous.

as always, a great read.
culex-knight
mon titre d'utilisateur
Join date: Jun 2004
400 IQ
#4
Don't know if I like the somewhat explicit "to you."

Otherwise, <3.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

21wickwing
wick2107
Join date: Feb 2009
1,487 IQ
#5
Quote by culex-knight
Don't know if I like the somewhat explicit "to you."

Otherwise, <3.



I second this motion. I found it a little bit odd and unusual for you to include something a bit unnecessary as it would be assumed anyway. I can see how it might add some other direction by specifically saying you mean something to others somewhere else, maybe as a shot to her. I just think it is either over-thought or under-thought.

But yeah, great work on the poem