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Fisheth24
I play Bass.
Join date: Mar 2010
6,399 IQ
#2241
Quote by RylanThePotato
I remember I had a wet dream at a friends house

in the dream was this one girl I knew in high school that was pregnant and she was still pregnant in the dream but I didn't care cause I was randy as hell

I was at an abandoned cabin in the forest for some reason and then she comes through the door and says "I want you in my pregnant body"

Normally irl if this happened I'd be like "no way Jose" but in the dream I was like "I always thought you looked sexy pregnant"

We start getting randy and she starts lactating and I'm like "Damn girl I really needed some refreshments right now"

we start going at it and halfway through she goes down on me

all of a sudden she's like "let's do something really freaky"

She starts tugging at her neck and proceeds to take her face off and it was a mask and all of a sudden she's the guy that got her pregnant and he goes "HERE'S JOHNNY!!"

I scream NOOOOOO but it's already too late and I finish in his mouth

I woke up and had to clean myself off and I've been avoiding that couple ever since


Oh lord.
WCPhils
UnBanned
Join date: Sep 2010
731 IQ
#2242
"Damn girl I really needed some refreshments right now" is pretty much the greatest thing ever
cha33 armstrong
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2012
1,724 IQ
#2244
Quote by ehbacon
Showed that to all my friends

So nobody then
You hit 'em and they get back up
I hit 'em and they stay down
- Frank Castle
T00DEEPBLUE
Boba FRETT
Join date: Oct 2010
2,245 IQ
#2245
Oh my god what did I just read.
Regarding the furry fandom from the man himself:
Quote by Axelfox
Please understand how little we as a community care
Horsedick.MPEG
Dot MPEG
Join date: Jan 2010
770 IQ
#2247
I was home alone after a pretty stressful day of work. I decided it was a good time to fap to cool myself off, so I grab my laptop and load up some class A porn.

I was getting way too into it, I started to stand up and pretend I was the actor getting some. After awhile I blew my load and felt quite satisfied with myself until I look out the window. I see who I assume to be two jehova witnesses. These were two older ladies standing in my driveway staring into my window with their mouths agape in complete disbelief. They turned around, and got into their car and I haven't seen them around my house since.
2013 #5 Uger
2012 #7 Uger

Quote by jetfuel495
Jesus, Horsedick, you are my hero

Quote by JayT44
don't worry guys his girlfriend is black, she said it was okay for him to say that.



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chrismendiola
Join date: May 2014
953 IQ
#2248
Quote by Horsedick.MPEG
I was home alone after a pretty stressful day of work. I decided it was a good time to fap to cool myself off, so I grab my laptop and load up some class A porn.

I was getting way too into it, I started to stand up and pretend I was the actor getting some. After awhile I blew my load and felt quite satisfied with myself until I look out the window. I see who I assume to be two jehova witnesses. These were two older ladies standing in my driveway staring into my window with their mouths agape in complete disbelief. They turned around, and got into their car and I haven't seen them around my house since.

Dawg, you've got a lot of these stories.
Zerath
Tab Contributor
Join date: Aug 2008
1,019 IQ
#2249
Quote by popapez

i didnt do anything as perverted as most of you guys... all i remember is spending a lot of time climbing up this rope on my playground. when you lift both your legs up to the next knot, it felt really.... interesting. i did it a lot- this was when i was probably about 6. i had no idea what that feeling was....


Haha! I was the king of those ropes! Playing doctor, marriage with my girlfriend when I was five, weird stuff took place! I also recall "shooting" a porno with her at a really young age! Would be interesting to hear that conversation now
Horsedick.MPEG
Dot MPEG
Join date: Jan 2010
770 IQ
#2250
When I was twelve or thirteen years old, like most other adolescent boys, I was down the road to discovery with the different joys of masturbation. Recently, I had begun experimenting with different forms of lubrication. You name it, and I tried slopping it all over my wang for tactile delight. Everything went on that thing. Shampoo. Conditioner. Lotion. Baby oil. Face soap. Even toothpaste.

Soon, I started down a road less traveled, and began experimenting with things out of the fridge and pantry. I tried peanut butter. I tried olive oil. I even tried sticking my dick down the end of an empty milk jug. I tried everything. One day, as I sat in front of the open fridge wondering what I would salve all over my developing johnson, the salsa really stuck out. Sure, I thought. It could be good. You got the tomatoes and onions and stuff in there. Good texture, right?

Well, a few minutes later, there I sat in my jerking position, on the bathroom floor with no pants or underwear, my back against the wall. I had the salsa out and began doing my thing. At first, it was really cold. "No problem, the friction will solve that," I thought naively but assured. I was soon to pay for my youthful hubris. I'm not sure how long exactly it took for the initial burn to hit, but it started at the tip and soon engulfed my entire crotch. It burned the burn of a thousand levels of Hell. Satan had just given me a blowjob.

The situation quickly got worse. In the setup, execution, and following pain, I had neglected both to lock the bathroom door and to hear my mother come home shortly thereafter. As I sat there with no pants, dick on fire, and covered in salsa, my mother opened the bathroom door onto me for whatever mom reason she had, though my body stopped her from opening all the way. She looked down at me and quickly shut the door.
I got in the shower. I don't remember if I finished.

TL:DR My mom caught me jerking off with salsa.
2013 #5 Uger
2012 #7 Uger

Quote by jetfuel495
Jesus, Horsedick, you are my hero

Quote by JayT44
don't worry guys his girlfriend is black, she said it was okay for him to say that.



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Original Music

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EndTheRapture51
pretentious wank
Join date: Oct 2008
8,820 IQ
#2251
is that a copy pasta

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car