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Svennz
UG Member
Join date: Jul 2006
1,410 IQ
#1
I've been going through these feelings and thoughts since I was younger, but now they are always in my mind. Most of the time I feel like I'm worthless, and not really good at anything. To be honest, my life has been pretty good all the time, I've never been abused in any way (except maybe bullying during the first high school year), and my family is very stable and loving towards me and my brothers. But it's like a circle; I feel like life's shit all the time, and when I look at how some people work really hard for a living and how they are always smiling and looking at the positive side of things even though they are living in hell, I feel even worse. I feel really bad that despite having a lot of new reasons for being happy (my relationship with my girlfriend is better than ever, and we have plans of getting married) I'm always being negative about everything, and my depression hinders my abilities as a guitar player, as an accountant, as a family member, etc.

I feel scared of literally everything. I have social anxiety to certain degree (not really bad), and when I think about the future I get really anxious because of all the bad things that might come. From what I know about life so far, everyone's happy moments are brief compared to the shit everyone lives every day. People are being let down all the time, they die, they suffer from serious illnesses and nothing is fair.

I took medication about 6 months ago because I suffered from depersonaliation/derealization after smoking marihuana and having a panic attack. Of course none of this was because of smoking the joint, I just got high in a very bad moment, and as a result, my anxiety reached its peak. I had to take Xanax for a couple of weeks and Citalopram for 5 months, but I stopped taking them because they made me feel numb. I couldn't cry, laugh or get angry.

Well I know no one really cares about anything that gets posted here, but sometimes it feels right to type/write/say what you have in your head at midnight.
Fender Jaguar -> Polytune -> Diamond Compressor -> Timmy -> OCD -> Big Muff -> Line 6 M9 -> Sonomatic Cheddar -> Spark boost -> Fender BDRI
slash_GNR666
Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan!
Join date: Jun 2009
374 IQ
#2
Quote by Svennz
Well I know no one really cares about anything that gets posted here, but sometimes it feels right to type/write/say what you have in your head at midnight.


Called a blog...
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btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
Obsceneairwaves
UG Member
Join date: Sep 2011
1,001 IQ
#3
tl;dr?
It's over simplified, So what!

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Rookskerm
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2010
28 IQ
#4
Dude, go get profesional help. The pit isn't going to help you out of the situation you are in.

By profesional help I dont mean you should go get medication (though that might form part of the treatment), I mean you should see a psychologist and work through these problems. It's the only way to get out of it.
ambush is merely another name for Camping
McTodd
This is a wug
Join date: Nov 2008
800 IQ
#5
Quote by Svennz
I had to take Xanax for a couple of weeks and Citalopram for 5 months, but I stopped taking them

Well, see, there's your problem.

I think medication is a "Good Thing", but you can't do it in isolation. From good personal experience, I would recommend starting the meds again, but try and get some therapy too and get your brain back into good habits. That said, that's just what worked for me, and everyone's different I guess.

There's always the possibility you were on the wrong drugs too - don't give up buddy, let the professionals do their job, give it time.
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intwernet
"I always have a plan."
Join date: Apr 2011
236 IQ
#6
Don't worry. Get your emotions out every time you can, try to realize every single good thing you have in your life and APPRECIATE it. Of course nothing is fair! Life is about everyday battle and the happines you get from it is ALWAYS temporary. It's just that you cannot let it down, you always have to get up and fight! Again and again.. You can't always look at the bad sides and try to solve them or make it better, you have to let it go and enjoy the good ones. How can you have plans for marriage and on the other side being in a state like this? How is it possible? The way I see it, you're living both the happiest and depressing time of your life at once. Are you hiding something from the outer world? Maybe if you're depressed and you feel worthless etc. you should really talk to people. Especially the closest ones(future wife?). This way they possibly don't know how you feel, and then it is unfair that they live through shit but they smile and they are positive, and YOU live through much lesser shit and act like you have the shittiest life of all.
I'm not trying to offend you or anything. I'm just trying to help you get your shit together. If it's not helping, ignore.
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Guitar and acoustic bass covers with creative editing
My Last Words
Billions and billions!
Join date: Jul 2012
2,209 IQ
#7
I think it's already a good thing that you wrote this "confession", facing yourself with your issues..
baab
SaintsofNowhere
Mostly landscapes
Join date: Jul 2008
2,464 IQ
#8
the king wanted a phrase that makes the self happy in hard times and sad during happiness

"this too shall pass"

BeefWellington
UG's Tastiest Dish
Join date: Jan 2010
262 IQ
#9
I don't feel like shit almost all of the time. I feel like shit ALL of the time. 100%.

Go punch a badger or something, that might release some of the tension.
I shall grant you three wishes.

None of which will work.


Does the above post enrage, offend or confuse you?

Good.


I like my women how I like my guitars. Curvy and like it when I finger them.
CaptainCanti
love nectar
Join date: Oct 2012
1,177 IQ
#10
Well whatever you do, don't give in to the happy pills. Won't do shit. They just wanna control your mind.
¯\_()_/¯
Rust_in_Peace34
Pancakes are my business
Join date: Dec 2005
76 IQ
#11
Quote by Rookskerm
Dude, go get profesional help. The pit isn't going to help you out of the situation you are in.

By profesional help I dont mean you should go get medication (though that might form part of the treatment), I mean you should see a psychologist and work through these problems. It's the only way to get out of it.


I might get shit for saying it, but this is just plain stupid. Don't medicate yourself and become dependent on another drug so you can go about your day like an anesthetized idiot.

Every now and then leave the confines of civilization, either by yourself or with a very few select close friends. Camp out, hike, bike, rock climb, whatever. Physical activity helps, but just being miles away from the noise might be enough.

This isn't a permanent solution, just moderate psychological conditioning. You experience nature outside the human imposed order long enough and it calms you, stress of everyday modern life as has come to be known by the western view becomes trivial.

You can seek help from peers, psychologists, from novels, etc... but it's all the same; it's one linguistic revelation to the next, just makes it an even more convoluted mess. In the end you have to actually experience something different to be able to come to terms with these feelings.
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the prove is u because u did n create urself and ur parents dindt and their parents didnt and so on and we are not monkeys peace

crazysam23_Atax
Feuergesicht
Join date: Oct 2009
5,710 IQ
#12
Quote by Rookskerm
Dude, go get profesional help. The pit isn't going to help you out of the situation you are in.

By profesional help I dont mean you should go get medication (though that might form part of the treatment), I mean you should see a psychologist and work through these problems. It's the only way to get out of it.

I would see a psychiatrist instead (you know, the guy who is actually a licensed doctor), but I agree with the rest of your post.

Quote by Rust_in_Peace34
I might get shit for saying it, but this is just plain stupid. Don't medicate yourself and become dependent on another drug so you can go about your day like an anesthetized idiot.

Did you read his post properly? He wasn't saying drugs were the only solution...

However, drugs can be part of regulating proper mental health (assuming said regulation is needed, as might be the case with one who has clinical depression or an anxiety disorder or any other serious mental health issue). Fact is, sometimes, depressed or anxious people are depressed or anxious because of chemical imbalances in the brain. Drugs can correct those imbalances. Acting like drugs are evil and you should avoid them is dumb. That said, it helps to work with a psychiatrist to get the proper drug and proper dosage of said drug, so you don't feel mentally or physically numbed.


If TS is truly depressed or has an anxiety disorder (I'm not saying he is either, as I'm not a doctor and as I don't even know him), then the whole "enjoy nature" thing won't actually do anything. On the other hand, seeing a psychiatrist actually might do something.

@TS:
Look, man. Think about it this way. Would you rather get help now, or possibly cause those you love pain down the line? Go see a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or a therapist. Figure out if you have an anxiety disorder or depression. If it's serious enough for them to prescribe drugs, take the recommended drugs. It may take a bit for the doctor to get the dosage correct; but once it is correct, you'll feel a lot better. It's no shame to need drugs to help you, if they're prescribed to you. It's also no shame to get counseling from a mental health professional.
Last edited by crazysam23_Atax at May 30, 2013,
Oyface
**** seagulls
Join date: Apr 2008
769 IQ
#13
I can relate to almost everything you just wrote, OP.


Not the girlfriend part though
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apmaman
pure mento basturt
Join date: Oct 2005
1,058 IQ
#14
Go outside and do something.


PSN ID: ArranP
5_Years_Dead
Banned
Join date: Oct 2012
359 IQ
#15
Quote by apmaman
Go outside and do something.


This.

Be out in the sunshine. Do something. Stay busy. Be nice to others. Make yourself tired. Sleep at night. Wake up early. Repeat.

Its amazing how simple it can be.
McTodd
This is a wug
Join date: Nov 2008
800 IQ
#16
Quote by Rust_in_Peace34
I might get shit for saying it, but this is just plain stupid. Don't medicate yourself and become dependent on another drug so you can go about your day like an anesthetized idiot.

Yes, you definitely will. You are wrong. Your opinion seems to be that drugs aren't just useless, but they're stupid too. The things you're saying are reinforcing a stigma about medication, which might scare people away from it who really need it. Medication is vital to some people's recovery from anxiety and depression, and you have clearly never met any of those people.

tldr- TS, don't listen to this guy.
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tukk04
UG's Neil Young
Join date: Sep 2008
1,076 IQ
#17
TS, I understand you want the opinions of others, but a guitar forum isn't the best place to ask for advice on serious matters. (the forums have done a lot of good for personal problems in some cases though)

I will give you this though, look into the effects of low testosterone, as what you are describing is similar to the symptoms. You can get your testosterone levels checked through a blood test and prescribed a supplement to raise your levels, it's a well tested and pretty safe medication in the correct dosage.

You will be best off consulting a doctor you trust though, since depression and anxiety, though treatable through therapy, are mostly caused by chemical and hormonal imbalances especially in cases where a person cannot say that something specific is causing their anxiety and depression, but just feel that way.
guitarist41
DiscoSucks****Everything
Join date: May 2006
1,812 IQ
#18
Quote by apmaman
Go outside and do something.


This. It sounds cheesy, but being out in nature and exercising always elevates my mood.

Also, meditation. It's not new-age bullshit; it's a practical psychological tool. You'll also find that you perform better at everything.

And, finally, determination. A "**** you" attitude(the positive kind) goes a long way.
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the chinese take-out place my family always ordered from gave you chopsticks, so as a kid it was fun to try & eat with chopsticks
now i just use a fork, 'cuz nothing is fun anymore & i just want to shovel food into my mouth to fill the void
RealUnrealRob
Lazy Physicist
Join date: Sep 2008
233 IQ
#19
Talk to family or a close friend about how you're feeling. Like others said you should probably see a psychiatrist. Depression can have concrete causes in your life but it can also just be a chemical screwup. It's not necessarily something you can fix or overcome on your own.
(Anyone who says 'JUST CHANGE YOUR OUTLOOK HURR DURR' doesn't understand depression or mental illness)
(Basically listen to Rookskerm, McTodd, crazysam, tukk. Ignore CaptainCanti (he's 15 and thinks he doesn't need Chemistry, which is probably the cause of his confusion here) and Rust in Peace)
Last edited by RealUnrealRob at May 30, 2013,
WCPhils
UnBanned
Join date: Sep 2010
731 IQ
#21
Work out


No seriously, go running or something. Lift weights. Do some yoga. Makes you feel great.
desperatechris
Banned
Join date: Sep 2009
719 IQ
#22
I felt like crap today, but then i got tickets to Top Gear and had sex with my girlfriend.

I feel better now.
TooktheAtrain
Banned
Join date: May 2012
184 IQ
#23
If you are feeling reticent about psychiatric medications, ts, you might want to take st. John's wort, it has been proven to help some people with depression. Don't take it along with any psychiatric medication, and stop taking it if it is introduced. I'm just mentioning it on the off-chance you have reservations about medication, which is understandable.

Anyway, wot everyone else said, you're best off seeing a licensed mental health professional.
metalblaster
UG Newbie
Join date: Jan 2008
494 IQ
#24
You got to get out and do stuff with friends man. Just get into something you look forward to doing. Like I don't know, get into fishing. Then you'll know that during the week you'll just be working your way through just to go fishing instead of having nothing to do and letting work drag you onto the fringe of lunacy.

You just have to find something to look forward to. And honestly, just putting this out there, but exercise/going to the gym will work wonders. Going to the gym has always been a positive source for me in my life and I'll even go as far as saying that it's therapeutic. Plus it's healthy, which can't be a bad thing.

Join a sailing club or something, try fishing, get your skydiving license or something, I don't know just get into something that gives you a positive feeling and that you enjoy and you'll find that the rest will melt away.


Also, anyone here into para-sailing? I was thinking, if I bought the equipment took some classes and got good enough to go by myself, like I'd be doing that shit every day. Imagine, come home from work, grab your kit, go in a field, run really fast and let the wind pick you and sail for hours. **** eh, I think I'm gonna look into that.
metalblaster
UG Newbie
Join date: Jan 2008
494 IQ
#25
Quote by WCPhils
Work out


No seriously, go running or something. Lift weights. Do some yoga. Makes you feel great.

THIS!!!!
Rust_in_Peace34
Pancakes are my business
Join date: Dec 2005
76 IQ
#26
I should've clarified my post. The emphasis was not on the 'evil' of drugs, rather on constant medication and dependance.
Quote by mcw00t
"so you mean if the father is sterile, the kid will be sterile too?"

Proof God exists and evolution is a lie:
Quote by elguitarrista3
the prove is u because u did n create urself and ur parents dindt and their parents didnt and so on and we are not monkeys peace

crazysam23_Atax
Feuergesicht
Join date: Oct 2009
5,710 IQ
#27
Quote by Rust_in_Peace34
I should've clarified my post. The emphasis was not on the 'evil' of drugs, rather on constant medication and dependance.

Yes, but the way you worded it implied that you think medication is a bad thing.
Burgery
crack hitler
Join date: Nov 2009
3,179 IQ
#28
ts, with the information you have provided i have concluded that you are unhappy

you need a healthy state of mind; a general understanding of how you function on a psychological level and a clear goal of how you want to alter your attitude

that'll be about tree fiddy
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Burgery
crack hitler
Join date: Nov 2009
3,179 IQ
#29
oh and avoid benzos. dont let your doctor put you on them again without a very good reason.
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willT08
Banned
Join date: Jul 2009
2,923 IQ
#30
I'm fairly convinced that being generally slightly unhappy is just part of the human condition.
Rust_in_Peace34
Pancakes are my business
Join date: Dec 2005
76 IQ
#31
Quote by crazysam23_Atax
Yes, but the way you worded it implied that you think medication is a bad thing.


Yeah, I 'd assume it would be for something like Depersonalization which is what TS said he was diagnosed with. Of course I'm not a psycho-pharmacologist, but I remember reading somewhere that this in particular is a withdrawal symptom from many different kind of drugs including benzodiazepines (which Xanax happens to fall under).
Quote by mcw00t
"so you mean if the father is sterile, the kid will be sterile too?"

Proof God exists and evolution is a lie:
Quote by elguitarrista3
the prove is u because u did n create urself and ur parents dindt and their parents didnt and so on and we are not monkeys peace

TooktheAtrain
Banned
Join date: May 2012
184 IQ
#32
Quote by crazysam23_Atax
Yes, but the way you worded it implied that you think medication is a bad thing.


Some are, in certain circumstances. Some anti-psychotic drugs cause weight gain and an average reduction of 15 years in life span. Such drugs are sometimes administered to individuals who have not manifested a single positive symptom of schizophrenia, yet have manifested negative symptoms. If someone is not psychotic but is taking antipsychotics in anticipation of illness, it might do irreversable harm to them, harm that is not offset by the effects of the drugs.

Obviously medication is neither good or bad, but it is their application and the judgement of the doctor applying them that determines whether medications are harmful or not. It's all relative to the patient and their condition. Subjecting a healthy person to invasive, high risk surgery is remiss and harmful. However, if someone needs it, it's a whole lot better than nothing.
Last edited by TooktheAtrain at May 30, 2013,
m3ran
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2011
149 IQ
#33
Go live your life. Leave the online world. You will feel better..
-said no one ever-
I love guitar
ErikLensherr
MGTOW
Join date: Jul 2011
1,630 IQ
#34
I feel like shit now but that's from doing yardwork in this muh****in' humidity.
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Todd Hart
Do Sadists go to Hell?
Join date: Sep 2009
153 IQ
#35
lol at people saying to a depressed person 'Why don't you go outside?', 'Cheer up, your life's great', 'Don't be sad, man. People love you'.

TS, just stick to talking to medical professionals and your close friends about it.
...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
Dregen
-
Join date: Dec 2007
2,365 IQ
#36
i've had the same problems you have since i was thirteen. personally, i would first seek out a good therapist that works well with you. yes, you can distract yourself, or talk to your friends, your family, yourself even... but how it was for me is that distractions eventually didn't work... and if i talked to friends/family about it i'd feel like i was burdening all these people, compared to a therapist who gets paid to listen to me talk and provide productive answers/solutions based off of my personal mindset and situation. but you must work and apply these solutions. depression and anxiety problems are diseases, but the part that makes it hell for a lot of people, including me, is that eventually the mindset additionally becomes a habit. and breaking a lifetime habit is not easy for most people.

secondly, i know you've said you've tried medication. i've personally never been prescribed benzodiazepines, tried valium once though and it made me feel free, like i was the person i had always wanted to be. but i've heard from people it makes them numb like you said. and also with antidepressants.

so with that in mind, i know medication works for people differently. i'm currently on my third medication because i had no options left. first one (mirtazapine) didn't work, second one (citalopram) landed me in the hospital. quit medication after that for awhile, but at one point the lows and anxiety got too much to handle for me and ended up almost killing myself. not out of self-pity or revenge i think... just felt like a burden to everyone. but yeah, after talking with my therapist, my mother, and my uncle's wife i decided to try it one more time. my shrink prescribed me sertraline (zoloft) and i've been taking it for about a month and a half now.

i know this is getting to be too long, so i'll try and wrap it up. after this time i've been on medication i've never felt better. granted, antidepressants are not magic. some won't even work. many people try multiple times before they find one that works for them. but even if they do, it's up to you to do the work to put order back into your life, and to rebuild your mindset. it's a lot to do. but the whole point of antidepressants is not to make it go away, but to help ease your head and give you the tools you need to reshape yourself. you won't be able to drink, smoke pot, etc. but in my case it's been a small price to pay...

tl;dr, i think it would be best that you find a therapist. find your problems, and the solutions. try to implement the solutions, and if you need an aid and feel comfortable enough to try a different medication, i'd suggest it. if you do, be patient, and if you're uncomfortable with it, don't do it.
Last edited by Dregen at May 30, 2013,
desperatechris
Banned
Join date: Sep 2009
719 IQ
#37
Quote by WCPhils
Work out


No seriously, go running or something. Lift weights. Do some yoga. Makes you feel great.

or have sex.
MeGaDeth2314
UnUnBanned
Join date: Feb 2005
1,360 IQ
#38
You need to see someone. If you say your relationships with your girlfriend and family are great and you are planning to get married, but still feel depressed about everything, then you obviously need some help.
Dreadnought
Oceanic Mountainman
Join date: Sep 2002
5,226 IQ
#39
Are you doing what you actually want to be doing in life?
But we little know until tried how much of the uncontrollable there is in us, urging across glaciers and torrents, and up dangerous heights, let the judgment forbid as it may.
Watterboy
UG's 'Yes, Man'
Join date: Oct 2008
2,733 IQ
#40
I didnt read all of the posts, but i noticed a lot of people are just saying to distract yourself (go outside, lift weights, sleep wake up early, go ****, ect). While I think all of that stuff is great for body and mind, distraction isnt always a solution.

The solution to your problem is to realize that you dont actually have a problem. Its GOOD that you realize life is ugly in many many ways. You need to start listening to some modern comedy- it is all highly cynical- but when you realize what its all about, laugh about it, you actually feel better about it, plus a profound sense of self-confidence.

The last thing you want to be is one of those people who posts facebook status updates every hour, saying how great their life is and always in a dillusional state of happiness. True happiness is when you can look around, REALIZE how shitty the world around you can be, and laugh about it. After that, you'll notice that you appreciate the smaller, and more pleasant things around you more: like the sun setting on a good long walk around town, or just some random person doing a mundane nice thing for you. Good luck.
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