#1
Close the Lid on the Toothpaste

I tried to run,
But I stayed where I was.
I tried to leave,
But you kept me here.

You always kept telling me.
I was just another blade,
of grass in a field.
You never let me be.

So before you go,
I need you to,
do one last thing for me,
Can you close the lid,
on the toothpaste?
Can you close the lid,
on the toothpaste?

The bread you bought,
was always the cheapest kind.
You never let me out of your sight.
But now you say I'm always hard to find.

I don't need you here,
always wastin' by my side.
I keep askin' you
leave me be..

So before you go,
I need you to,
do one last thing for me,
Can you close the lid,
on the toothpaste?
Can you close the lid,
on the toothpaste?

So before you go,
I need you to,
do one last thing for me,
Can you close the lid,
on the toothpaste?
Can you close the lid,
on the toothpaste?

Can you close the lid,
on the toothpaste?
#2
Good verses man but im not sure about the title and chorus. Its good if your aiming for a jokeish kind break up song. (Is it a break up song?)
#4
it had potential, but im not into the whole "oh lol this song is funny lolol tenacious d lol" kind of music (im not saying this is like TD, just that this is a short stab at humour to cover up for your lack of writing skills.).

so i didnt like it
#5
It's okay, but your attempts at making the small things important fail. The cheapest bread just isn't significant enough, and closing the lid on the toothpaste? If this is a joke, then it's okay, but otherwise, chose more important things to focus on. If you'll c4c, anything from my sig will work.
#6
First of all, thanks a lot for the comments!

This was supposed to be a break up song(kinda) but I was trying to make it a little less serious. To me it seems like all the break up songs involve something like "You took all my money" or "Lost my job and am homeless because of you." But that's not what happens to everyone. With the "Close the Lid on the Toothpaste" part, I was trying to show all the small stuff that adds up and gets you mad at another person. They're not things that you would get mad at on their own, but things that, when put together, anger you a lot.

So yeah, it was kind of joke on most of the breakup songs, but it wasn't a complete joke.
#7
Quote by ohblahitsme
First of all, thanks a lot for the comments!

This was supposed to be a break up song(kinda) but I was trying to make it a little less serious. To me it seems like all the break up songs involve something like "You took all my money" or "Lost my job and am homeless because of you." But that's not what happens to everyone. With the "Close the Lid on the Toothpaste" part, I was trying to show all the small stuff that adds up and gets you mad at another person. They're not things that you would get mad at on their own, but things that, when put together, anger you a lot.

So yeah, it was kind of joke on most of the breakup songs, but it wasn't a complete joke.

Ahhh, I see. I like the concept, but it could have been done better. Also, thanks for the crit on Suffocate.
#8
No Problem.
I agree, I could've done it better. But this is what I'm trying to do with all of the songs I write. "Change the rules" so to speak.