#1
heres my third song i've written, and i based these lyrics on the letters my friend has been sending to her sister who is in the army and getting shipped over seas. I was very moved by them so I thought of making a song dedicated to them. Please give me constructive crit and I'll return the favor.
____
Are you thinking of me because I'm thinking of you
and the last words you said to me aren't as clear as to be
Well I'm doing fine, I'm getting along
but I can't say the same about dad and mom
He's drinking again, and she doesn't seem to care
This place just isn't the same without you here
Sometimes I stare at the spot where you stood last
before you left you never said your coming back
You told me to be strong, but you were wrong
This time it was worse than it was before
The house is falling apart, I'm not even gunna start
I just wish you could come back home tonight

I'm trying to see why this has to be,
you're risking your life for people I don't even know
It's hard to breathe, come home please
because this ****ing war is taking away all that I know

Hey there again, how are you, the last letter wasn't meant to startle you
Just checking in you know what I mean
and the last words you said aren't as clear as to be
People say they miss you, but I miss you most
I mean they don't even let the pain show
This is the hardest on me, why can't they see
that nothing they say will please me
So please can't you just come home tonight

I'm trying to see why this has to be,
your risking your life for people I don't even know
It's hard to breathe, come home please
because this ****ing war is take away all that I know

Well I'm going now, I'll right you back later
and hopefully I'll understand what you meant
#2
It is good, it sure is deep, but some lines kind don't flow well, like the : "but I can't say the same about dad and mom" I think you could just remove that line and say : "but he's drinking again, and she doesn't seem to care". I think that would help the flow of the song without hurting the meaning of it because its kind obvious that your talking about mom and dad. You should just reread the song and figure wich lines can be removed without hurting the meaning, you got really strong lines in that song so by removing the weaker ones you'll make this song way better.