#1
crit4crit
THE DEVIL INQUIRED

At the cross, the Devil inquired
"How much does God love the messiah?"
From my crown of thorns, roses fell down
Yelling, "Not as much as I love God".

When you're lost in love
You never feel down.
That's why I find myself
High upon this cross

Even though I walk on water,
My heart always sinks to the bottom;
Drowning any hope of love
In the ocean between me and God.

When you're lost in love
You never feel down.
That's why I find myself
High upon this cross

The ignorant say, "Faith is for the weak"
But it takes lots of strength to believe
In one that leaves me at a loss,
And only lifts me up on a cross.

When you're lost in love
You never feel down.
That's why I find myself
High upon this cross
Last edited by themarsvolta at Sep 3, 2009,
#2
This was a good recount and recollection song. It really is the truth if you are into the christian side of the religion.
It brings back memories of all that i had in the private school. Relaly good job, short and simple. Sweet and beautiful.

It also hits me personally in a way, especially the second verse.
It makes me think of how many times i could be perfect, but **** up, and know people will be there.
Great job
crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1001381
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#3
It sounds good, I liked how you told it from Jesus' perspective. Though it probably wont be everyone's cup of tea, I think you did good.
#5
Another solid song, but this lacked the sparkling with and snappy rhythms and rhymes.

Again, though, you demonstrate remarkable grasp of your themes and ideals, and present them terrificly well in the form.
#6
Jamie got my thoughts exactly. I always read what you post, because you are one of the few consistent writers here, especially when it comes to songwriting, and that inspires me. Everything you post is good or great and your style is enticing. This wasn't your best if you ask me, as far as depth of the lyrics go (this is relative to your other stuff) but for its length you did a good job.

And you forgot an 'l' in feel in the second chorus

pleasure.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
Last edited by jiminizzle at Nov 18, 2008,
#7
First off, this is coming from someone with a Christian perspective of things, so obviously I already like it quite a lot. The writing the was very good, and descriptive. I can tell you put a lot of your heart into this song. " Won't you kneel, by me, so I could feel, holy." Is one of those lines that are short, but hit you straight on, and make you realize things. Very influential. I honestly can't say a ton about the writing style, rhyme, and all that jazz, because I don't know a lot of it. I won't make up something to sound good, but I liked it a lot, and I'd love to see this as a song. Awesome job.

If you'd like to see mine, it's at http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1002891 .

Thanks!
#8
I must say I'm not really into religion, and the way you kept repeating "God" in all verses kind of annoyed me. The first stanza was amazing, the only thing I could advice is to change the last "God" by "Him" but that could mess up something... The middle one was the weakest; the first two lines just don't click, even though the other two kind of pay back because they are really good. The last one was probably the one with the most cliché rhymes but it kind of closes the curtain well...

I think the main point of this was that I can't relate to it, so my opinion might be biased in a negative way... Nonetheless, good job !
#9
love love LOVE stanza 2.

the chorus-y bit did nothing for me however, hated the rhymes, the rhythm, everything.

apart from that, the stanzas were great, told a brilliant story simple enough to understand, yet complex enough to think about.

well done.
#10
This is good, very neat song writing, but I just find myself disagreeing and feeling uncomfortable with the content. The way you expressed yourself wasn't obnoxious or pretentious and you certainly didn't rape me with your personal philosophies, but I continuously tut tutted as I read another cringe worthy line.
It's not you, it's me, put it that way.

Sorry mate, I really don't know how to express myself properly here - read 'Etymologies'; my favourite piece I have ever written, and it's about that particular topic -

Going through everything, section be section, I noticed certain attributes that didn't quite coincide with each other very well; I found myself thinking one thing for one verse, and then the chorus would enter and I would be forced down an alternate route; quite confusing when it's a piece about something very specific and topical.
If it's a poem/song about love or any of that ****, being varied and ambiguous can be detrimental to it's success, but something like this, I find confusion to be really wiring and belittling.

Now that I have read this many many times, it is only the chorus that I find distaste for; the other three verses are quite pretty and heartfelt, without trying to say something critical or crypticaly cynical and angry.
Plus, I don't actually like the way the chorus is laid out. It may add to a certain feeling or dimension, but it didn't make for good reading, imo, of course.

I know I don't have anything helpful to add, but these were just a few of my thoughts, briefly laid out on the page, take them or leave them at your will.

Digitally Clean
#11
Really enjoyed the verses but the choru didnt seem to flow
Nice work though

VinnyCent