#1
Where did my life go (temporary title)

My childhood seemed like it was only yesterday
So many years ago now, but the memories still stay
All the long lost friends, that I will never see again
Fade away like some vivid dream

Where did all the time go
My whole life went right out the window
All I'm left with is the dreams I forsaked
And a life full of mistakes

I spend all my nights thinkin' about what could've been
and reggreting this life full of sin... all i got for now
With an irresistible blend of reggae induced hip-hop and catchy pop-punk hooks, Half Chance Heroes captivates audiences with their unique sound and energetic stage show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8bSU0u8uvM
Last edited by Descendent-182 at Nov 16, 2008,
#2
Not bad for a start, but I’d try to make it a bit longer.

In the first verse yesterday and stay rhyme, again and dream do not. I’m not sure if this intentional, but if it is not it can be easily fixed to add to the flow of the piece. I personally think it sounds pretty good if you drop again.

The second verse reads in a rather aggressive style. In the first line you might try my in place of the, and in the second verse consider left out the window over right out the window. I feel these changes ease the two lines together a bit.

Overall I think it’s pretty good, it’s a topic a lot of people can relate to. Keep it up, I’ll check back again to see if you’ve added anything.

Have a good one!

Here a link to my piece, hope you like it.
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1001498
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