#1
Hi,This is my first song song I've made so go easy on me. Constructive criticism is welcome.


These Times Forever


Its funny cuz its true
The way that we changed you
We took you out your shell
And now you're fun as hell
Now you're getting detentions
Later getting suspentions
But just wait 'til parents evenin'
Cuz remember who you're meeting

Chorus
Just remember that teacher
And all the stuff we said
Times like these forever
We are gonna share
You never you'se to know us
What happened there
Now you're so cool
Cuz these times we always share

Do you remember that supply
And that look in her eyes
Well after what you said
It was funny you've gotta admit
We were like,not you!
Someone else we were talking to
But you've gotta stop doing this
Cuz it's not always gonna miss

Chorus

But was it for the better
Or was it for the worse
Cuz now you might be failing
But that's probly how it works
Drum Roll

But it's too late now
What can you do
But niow you are so awesome
A really cool dude
So yes we might have changed you
And maybe for the worst
But these times together
There not for the worst
Hey there.
#3
I actually don't mind the rhyme scheme. I liked the rhythm and I thought it flowed pretty well. It's the content that bothers me. As it stands now, it just reminds me of something that the "Naked Brothers" would sing. Now, not ever piece of music needs to be deep and profound, but I think at the very least it should stir up some emotion. I like the idea behind the song (shy guy turning into a sort of party king), it's the execution that needs work. I would try writing it from the perspective of the shy guy. Describe a specific event when him and his buddies got into mischief. Let him tell us what was going on in his head and why he was attracted to these people and why did he do what they told him to. (Maybe because he finally had a sense of belonging). Anyways, I didn't mean to come off as harsh or anything, I just think you have a here a very appealing universal subject and I think you could do better than what you have here. I'm looking forward to reading more from you.

Comment mine please?
The Devil Inquired
#5
Im no expert but i really liked this..it kind of has a bowling for soup, blink 182 kinda feel.
is that what you were going for?

I think its biggest apeal is fimiliarity. I can imagine it being performed, unlike others ive read
Last edited by SpellItWrong at Nov 18, 2008,
#6
Actually I was trying to get that Blink feel (Atleast I got 1 bit right ) The rest of my band say that our other song is sounding a bit emoish so i made this one lol. So then they want to call the band Zombie Apocalypse
Hey there.